Weekly insights into our crazy world.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011



Many people around the world were surprised to see the recent TV interviews with troubled Libyan Leader Muammar Gaddafi. Let's face it, he's dressed like Liz Taylor, he slurs his words like Dean Martin and stares into space like Jim Ignotowski from the TV show TAXI. How could this man be a renowned World Leader? He is categorically insane!

Well, to those of us here at the DUNER BLOG, Muammar's actions came as absolutely no surprise. We know he's been crazy his whole life As a boy, Gaddafi grew up worshipping neighboring Egyptian leader Gamal Nasser, who famously blamed all Arab problems on the evil Western influences. As a leader, Gaddafi took this flawed philosophy to a new level, creating a haven for anyone who remotely disliked the West. Soon, Libya was a summer camp for PLO mercenaries, Olympic bombers and Maoist drones.

But, the main thing that separates Gaddafi from all the other loonies out there (Are you listening, Kim Jong Ill?) is an petroleum-powered treasury to finance his most wildest dreams. While there is no blog long enough to describe all of his insane plans over the last 40 years, we have widdled it down to a TOP FIVE list of Gaddafi all time craziest plans:

#5 His Title. It's been said you can tell how crazy a world leader is by how many words are in his or her name. Gaddafi's official title, which must be used at all events, is 18 words long. Officially, Muammar is the Brotherly Leader and Guide of the First of September Great Revolution of the Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamahiriya. What a mouthful!

#4 War With Chad. Gaddafi hates his Southern neighbor and has always disputed their shared border. The Aouzou Strip is worthless desert, but both nations claim it as theirs. The famed Toyota War broke out in 1987 when Gaddafi's army invaded Chad. With 8,000 men, 300 tanks and Russian-built Mi-24 helicopters with bad-ass rocket launchers, the Chadian army looked doomed. But the Libyan army got lost and surrendered to a bunch of yahoos in Toyota pick-up trucks (hence the war's odd name.)

#3 Alliance with Idi Amin. Like Lex Luther, Gaddafi surrounds himself with some of the world's evilest villains. His opulent villa in Tripoli has entertained an array despised despots over the years. This includes the former Serbian president Solobodan Milosevik (currently awaiting trial in the Hague for Mass Genocide), Venezuelan President-for-Life Hugo Chavez and...wait for applause..Saddam Hussein! But none of these compare to his alliance with the Ugandan Nightmare IDI AMIN, who killed a half-million of his own people.

#2 Support for Somali Pirates. Over the years, Gaddafi has lent his support to many a questionable cause. He called AIDS a "peaceful virus," gave weapons to Colombian drug lords and Irish terrorists and loves female circumcision. But his most mind-blowing stance was his support for the Somali Pirates. He said they are "helping thwart imperialism."

#1 Female Body Guards. Since 1980, Gaddafi has employed the Amazonian Guard for his personal protection. The cadre of machine-gun totting hotties follows the glorious leader everywhere and has been the source of many a rumors over the years. Well, you decide which are true and false:

They must all be virgins.
They are allowed privileges (makeup, high heels, etc) that other Libyan women aren't.
One woman (named Aisha) died when she threw herself in front of an assassin's bullets.
Their camouflage fatigues are specially made by Italian designer Prada.
They beat the crap out of Hefner's Playboy Bunnies in a WWF Pay-Per-View event.

Ah, Muammar, what will life be without you?

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