Weekly insights into our crazy world.

Thursday, May 28, 2015



Tragedy struck the seaside town of Cannes in the south of France last week. It occurred at the annual, prestigious Film Festival. It's hard to believe, but many actresses were denied entry to the Red Carpet for NOT WEARING HEELS. Naturally, the entire film industry is unified in grand protests. War is being waged on all fronts: Social Media, Talk Shows and Tabloid Interviews. Confused? Well, we were at the DUNER BLOG have all the information you need!

Trouble began on Friday afternoon when Valeria Richter (a movie producer) was stopped by security. She was informed her flat shoes were unacceptable, and that guests are expected to wear heals. Fortunately, she had a great reason for the faux pas. One of Valeria's toes has been amputated, and she can only wear specially made footwear. She explained this to the gendarmes, and was allowed in. Other ladies weren't as fortunate and were turned away from the premiere. "Go buy some appropriate shoes and come back" they were rudely instructed.

As expected, the upper classes have responded with widespread outrage. Other festivals, like SWSX and the Sundance have clarified their policies regarding footwear: Flats are welcome in Austin and Aspen! "I think everyone should wear flats," exclaimed actress Emily Blunt...despite the fact she was wearing four inch pumps at the time. However, our favorite protest came from 'Goonies' star Josh Brolin. He vowed to wear pink pumps to his premiere! (No word yet on whether he followed through on the Tweet.)

In an attempt to quell the rioters, the Cannes Film Festival issued a statement . While there is no specific language about the specific height a heel should be, they claim that "Formal Dress" means no flats. "Hosts and hostesses on the Red Carpet were reminded to enforce this policy." While we agree that Dress Codes are often arbitrary and difficult to enforce, we must remember that the Men have it much tougher: Tuxedo Only. Try wearing open-toed sandals with a tux!

Finally, leave it to one overly wealthy celebrity to blow everything out of proportion. Actress Salma Hayak used the "sexist ban on flats" to raise awareness about women's rights in movies.  She saw 'Shoe-Gate' as an opportunity for ladies to be viewed on equal footing with men.  "The only kind of movie where women make more money than men is the porno industry," she quipped. Cálmate, Salma! YOU'RE the one who dresses like a Porn Star! In summary, readers: Just remember: If you are ever going to an event in France or Italy; Up Your Fashion Game. These nations take clothes and shoes very seriously.

Thursday, May 21, 2015



The NBA Playoffs are in full swing, and we here at the DUNER BLOG are glued to our TVs and laptops in eager excitement. It seems every game has a 20 point comeback capped with an insane buzzer-beat as time expires. However, there are a few items that just drive us crazy...

HACK-A-SHAQ. In every sports, there is always some way a coach can tinker with the rules to their advantage. In soccer, players fake injuries to stop play. In football, coaches call a timeout the split second a kicker approaches the ball. In basketball, a coach will intentionally foul a poor free throw shooter. The logic is: He misses 70% of the time, thus turning the ball over. (It was famously done to Shaquille O'Neil, hence the term.) It's an effective...but boring...way to win a game. There were 96 combined free throws in the LA - Houston Game Two. Stop it!

OFFICIAL REVIEWS  In the last two minutes of NBA games, the officials can consult a TV monitor, and examine the instant replay to insure they got the call right. This sounds like a great idea, but it needs some fine tuning. The last two minutes is the best part of the game. But then...suddenly...everything stops. Instead of watching amazing slam dunks, all eyes are watching three old men huddle around a monitor. Sometimes, it just better to let the human eye determine when a basketball hits the rim. Just ask Washington's Paul Pierce! His game-winner was overturned on the slimmest of margins.

COACHES BEHAVING BADLY. In America's celebrity-driven culture, the role of an NBA Head Coach has expanded beyond control. Gone are the sweat-shirts and visors. Today, Armani suits are the norm. Gone are the calm, collective coach who sits during action. Today, coaches strut up and down the sidelines, verbally abusing players and refs alike. When these egomaniacs don't get enough attention, the stroll on to the floor during play. This is a clear violation...but the refs are likely too intimidated to call it.

MOUTHGAURDS COVERED IN SPIT. For the first 100 years of basketball, no one used a mouthguard; a plastic piece designed to protect your teeth and tongue. However, with all the flying elbows, it's a good chance your chin could get smacked, so wearing one is a safe and sound plan. Fair enough. But when the ball is not in play... What do you do with your mouthguard? A basketball jersey has no pockets. Hence, most players just have it hang off their lower lip, dripping saliva all over their chin. Yuck!

NO SMILES AFTER WINNING SHOTS. Of the twenty eight playoff games so far, an astounding 18% have ended with a buzzer-beating shot. Like the walk-off home run in baseball, the hero is often jubilantly mobbed by teammates immediately afterwards. But don't expect to see a bright, Magic Johnson ear-to-ear smile from today's NBA stars. Just like Kanye West, these guys think smiling is UNCOOL. LeBron just looked menacing after his game winner against the Bulls. Derrick Rose had an expression on his face like he'd just stepped in dog poo. C'mon guys! Celebrate good times!

NOTE: This blog has been forwarded to NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. Expect instant changes.

Thursday, May 14, 2015



On May 29th, the disaster flick SAN ANDREAS will come rolling into a theater near you. What's it about? C'mon.. You know! It's about a massive earthquake of biblical proportions. And the only one who can save California is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. (Boring!) Anyhow, the upcoming movie prompted debate at the DUNER BLOG headquarters. We wanted to know: Which cities have been destroyed the most in the movies?

#10 ROME. The Eternal City comes in tenth place because most of Rome's recognizable monuments are already in ruins. What fun is blowing up crumbling rocks? The one exception is: Vatican City. In the 2012 flick The Core, director Jon Amiel implodes St. Peter's square in an epic, slow-motion sequence.

#9. CHICAGO. The Windy City has friendly people, and good people don't normally die in movies. Everyone loves to see nasty New Yorkers and rich Beverly Hills people get killed, but those nice folks in Chicago are a different story. Nonetheless, downtown was completely obliterated by Mega-Tron in Transformers 3.

#8. LAS VEGAS.  While blowing up the Vegas Strip would appeal to many frustrated gamblers, it actually doesn't happen much in the movies. Sin City's proximity to Area 51 has resulted in a couple of cinematographic alien attacks, but we like the ample decimation of the casinos in Resident Evil: Extinction the best.

#7. PARIS. As a popular destination for young American lovebirds, Paris appears in numerous blockbusters. A couple of times, things turn surprisingly ugly for the tourists on their vacations. Evil gargoyles take flight in V is for Vendetta and zombies eat the Eiffel Tower in 28 Weeks Later.

#6. WASHINGTON DC. For a long time, it was taboo for filmmakers to destroy treasured American institutions like Capitol Hill or the Lincoln Memorial. In the 1950's, such actions were illegal according to the McCarthy Hearings. That all changed in 1996, when director Roland Emmerich famously pierced the White House with a blue alien laser in the thriller Independence Day. BOOM!

#5. LONDON. Unlike Rome, this capital is blessed with numerous proud, recognizable landmarks that are cool to destroy. St. Paul's Cathedral was imploded dramatically in Reign of Fire. Enemies of G.I. Joe take out Big Ben and Parliament. However, it is the recent Harry Potter movies who have helped London take the #5 spot. We like the Millennium Bridge sinking into the Thames in the Half Blood Prince. 

#4. SAN FRANCISCO. According to our research, the majestic Golden Gate Bridge is the single most destroyed monument in the movies. It was saved by the Enterprise in Star Trek IV, the X-Men villains tear it down...even cartoon characters stomp it to bits in Monsters vs. Aliens. The rest of San Francisco remains fairly unscathed, except for the pretend skyscraper in 1974's The Towering Inferno.

#3. TOKYO. There are 28 Godzilla movies, and Tokyo goes down in each of them! While these crude, cardboard models look silly today, these iconic, black and white images of a monster destroying a city helped define what Monster Disaster flicks are supposed to be.

#2. LOS ANGELES. Of course L.A. is gonna get blown up the most...It's where all the movies are made! Hence, the City of Angels holds the distinction of being destroyed in the most different manners. It was scorched by lava in Volcano, hit by aliens in Terminator 2, burned to a crisp in Skyline and flooded in Dragon Wars. So it should be able to handle the upcoming quake in San Andreas...right?

#1. NEW YORK CITY. Watching the 1933 movie King Kong seems horribly dated today. But when it came out in 1933 it shattered box office records, thus becoming the first Blockbuster. New York became the top location for comic book superheroes, which is paying off in spades today. In fact...it's hard to turn on the TV and not see the Big Apple being blown to bits!

Thursday, May 7, 2015



Normally, when celebrities are named as "Goodwill Ambassadors" for an organization or charity, we here at the DUNER BLOG are skeptical. It just seems like a silly ploy aimed at garnering sacred media coverage for the cause. However, after reading the text of ANGELINA JOLIE's speech at the UN last week, we are re-considering our stance. She flat out accused the United Nations of sitting by whilst innocent civilians died.
Here are five quotes of particular note:

"We cannot look at Syria and not see the evil that has arisen from the ashes of indecision."
Maleficent is right. After the Arab Spring erupted in Tunisia and Egypt, many believed that Syria would be the next nation to join the movement. When arrogant President Bashar al-Assad began tear gassing protesters in 2011, we posted a blog calling for his ouster. Nothing happened. Since then, the nation has spiraled out of control, giving birth to the worst movement in the new millennium: ISIS.

"With 220,000 Syrians dead, this is a low point in the world's inability to protect the innocent."
Lara Craft, Tomb Raider is correct. This year, the United Nations celebrates its Seventieth birthday. While it succeeds in many of its lofty goals, it often fails to act decisively in humanitarian crises. Rather than unite governments to solve problems, it splits them into infinite numbers of subcommittees. As endless debate in New York City drags on for four years, a quarter of a million people have perished.

"It is sickening to see thousands of refugees drowning on the doorstep of the world's wealthiest continent"
Master Tigress is on the nose again. This time, she is tackling the recent spate of boat people in the Mediterranean Sea. Over the last month, numerous rag-tag rafts have sank, drowning the hopeful refugees bound for Italy. Surely, wealthy Europe can come up with a more humanitarian method for dealing with this crisis. Even apprehending and deporting people is better than letting them drown!

"There is no shame in being a survivor of sexual violence; the shame is on the aggressor."
Mrs Jane Smith is right as rain! From Afghanistan to Somalia, civil wars have torn apart societies. In these areas, there is "no law, no protection and not even the hope of justice." In these desperate regions, the ugly condition known as 'War-Zone Rape' has been prevalent. It is a crime that thrives on silence and denial. Sadly, it has appeared in every army involved, including US and NATO troops.

"The destiny of human rights is in the hands of all of our citizens and all our communities."
OK! Actually, Angelina paraphrased Eleanor Roosevelt in her address...and why not?  Hers is a message that cannot be repeated enough. By ignoring the plight of the innocent in Syria, we are sending a scary message: Go ahead and crudely behead innocent people and broadcast it on the Internet. There will be no recourse from the rest of the world!

Alright. After such an eloquent yet brash appraisal of the situation in his homeland, you would think the Syrian Ambassador to the United Nations would have an equally articulate reply. Wrong! Mr. Bashar Jafari just gazed at Angelina Jolie in her silk blazer with matching skirt and pumps and gushed: "You're Beautiful!" Which puts us RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED. During Ms. Jolie's speech, Mr. Bashar was likely thinking of the movie star (See photos) and not her message.