Thursday, May 28, 2015
Tragedy struck the seaside town of Cannes in the south of France last week. It occurred at the annual, prestigious Film Festival. It's hard to believe, but many actresses were denied entry to the Red Carpet for NOT WEARING HEELS. Naturally, the entire film industry is unified in grand protests. War is being waged on all fronts: Social Media, Talk Shows and Tabloid Interviews. Confused? Well, we were at the DUNER BLOG have all the information you need!
In an attempt to quell the rioters, the Cannes Film Festival issued a statement . While there is no specific language about the specific height a heel should be, they claim that "Formal Dress" means no flats. "Hosts and hostesses on the Red Carpet were reminded to enforce this policy." While we agree that Dress Codes are often arbitrary and difficult to enforce, we must remember that the Men have it much tougher: Tuxedo Only. Try wearing open-toed sandals with a tux!
Thursday, May 21, 2015
The NBA Playoffs are in full swing, and we here at the DUNER BLOG are glued to our TVs and laptops in eager excitement. It seems every game has a 20 point comeback capped with an insane buzzer-beat as time expires. However, there are a few items that just drive us crazy...
HACK-A-SHAQ. In every sports, there is always some way a coach can tinker with the rules to their advantage. In soccer, players fake injuries to stop play. In football, coaches call a timeout the split second a kicker approaches the ball. In basketball, a coach will intentionally foul a poor free throw shooter. The logic is: He misses 70% of the time, thus turning the ball over. (It was famously done to Shaquille O'Neil, hence the term.) It's an effective...but boring...way to win a game. There were 96 combined free throws in the LA - Houston Game Two. Stop it!
NOTE: This blog has been forwarded to NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. Expect instant changes.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
On May 29th, the disaster flick SAN ANDREAS will come rolling into a theater near you. What's it about? C'mon.. You know! It's about a massive earthquake of biblical proportions. And the only one who can save California is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. (Boring!) Anyhow, the upcoming movie prompted debate at the DUNER BLOG headquarters. We wanted to know: Which cities have been destroyed the most in the movies?
#10 ROME. The Eternal City comes in tenth place because most of Rome's recognizable monuments are already in ruins. What fun is blowing up crumbling rocks? The one exception is: Vatican City. In the 2012 flick The Core, director Jon Amiel implodes St. Peter's square in an epic, slow-motion sequence.
#8. LAS VEGAS. While blowing up the Vegas Strip would appeal to many frustrated gamblers, it actually doesn't happen much in the movies. Sin City's proximity to Area 51 has resulted in a couple of cinematographic alien attacks, but we like the ample decimation of the casinos in Resident Evil: Extinction the best.
#7. PARIS. As a popular destination for young American lovebirds, Paris appears in numerous blockbusters. A couple of times, things turn surprisingly ugly for the tourists on their vacations. Evil gargoyles take flight in V is for Vendetta and zombies eat the Eiffel Tower in 28 Weeks Later.
#4. SAN FRANCISCO. According to our research, the majestic Golden Gate Bridge is the single most destroyed monument in the movies. It was saved by the Enterprise in Star Trek IV, the X-Men villains tear it down...even cartoon characters stomp it to bits in Monsters vs. Aliens. The rest of San Francisco remains fairly unscathed, except for the pretend skyscraper in 1974's The Towering Inferno.
#2. LOS ANGELES. Of course L.A. is gonna get blown up the most...It's where all the movies are made! Hence, the City of Angels holds the distinction of being destroyed in the most different manners. It was scorched by lava in Volcano, hit by aliens in Terminator 2, burned to a crisp in Skyline and flooded in Dragon Wars. So it should be able to handle the upcoming quake in San Andreas...right?
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Normally, when celebrities are named as "Goodwill Ambassadors" for an organization or charity, we here at the DUNER BLOG are skeptical. It just seems like a silly ploy aimed at garnering sacred media coverage for the cause. However, after reading the text of ANGELINA JOLIE's speech at the UN last week, we are re-considering our stance. She flat out accused the United Nations of sitting by whilst innocent civilians died.
Here are five quotes of particular note:
Maleficent is right. After the Arab Spring erupted in Tunisia and Egypt, many believed that Syria would be the next nation to join the movement. When arrogant President Bashar al-Assad began tear gassing protesters in 2011, we posted a blog calling for his ouster. Nothing happened. Since then, the nation has spiraled out of control, giving birth to the worst movement in the new millennium: ISIS.
Lara Craft, Tomb Raider is correct. This year, the United Nations celebrates its Seventieth birthday. While it succeeds in many of its lofty goals, it often fails to act decisively in humanitarian crises. Rather than unite governments to solve problems, it splits them into infinite numbers of subcommittees. As endless debate in New York City drags on for four years, a quarter of a million people have perished.
Master Tigress is on the nose again. This time, she is tackling the recent spate of boat people in the Mediterranean Sea. Over the last month, numerous rag-tag rafts have sank, drowning the hopeful refugees bound for Italy. Surely, wealthy Europe can come up with a more humanitarian method for dealing with this crisis. Even apprehending and deporting people is better than letting them drown!
Mrs Jane Smith is right as rain! From Afghanistan to Somalia, civil wars have torn apart societies. In these areas, there is "no law, no protection and not even the hope of justice." In these desperate regions, the ugly condition known as 'War-Zone Rape' has been prevalent. It is a crime that thrives on silence and denial. Sadly, it has appeared in every army involved, including US and NATO troops.
"The destiny of human rights is in the hands of all of our citizens and all our communities."
OK! Actually, Angelina paraphrased Eleanor Roosevelt in her address...and why not? Hers is a message that cannot be repeated enough. By ignoring the plight of the innocent in Syria, we are sending a scary message: Go ahead and crudely behead innocent people and broadcast it on the Internet. There will be no recourse from the rest of the world!
Alright. After such an eloquent yet brash appraisal of the situation in his homeland, you would think the Syrian Ambassador to the United Nations would have an equally articulate reply. Wrong! Mr. Bashar Jafari just gazed at Angelina Jolie in her silk blazer with matching skirt and pumps and gushed: "You're Beautiful!" Which puts us RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED. During Ms. Jolie's speech, Mr. Bashar was likely thinking of the movie star (See photos) and not her message.