Weekly insights into our crazy world.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012



Wow!  There sure has been a lot of news coverage of Super-Storm Sandy.  We love watching Anderson Cooper desperately clutching his microphone in a horrendous deluge of wind and rain.  "What? I can't hear you? The rain is too loud."  Go inside, Anderson!  At any rate, we here at the DUNER BLOG noticed that, despite the 24/7 coverage of the storm, many important stories are missing.  For example, we saw tons of coverage of Manhattan's flooded subways, Staten Island's power outages and the Ivy League schools cancelling classes.  But we haven't heard anyone answering the real question on every one's mind during this crisis: What happened to all of the places in Seaside Heights featured on MTV's hit TV show The Jersey Shore?

Well, for starters, don't panic.  The actual home where the cast lived, screwed and cursed together...is still intact!  Owner DANNY MERK confirmed the house was okay but "the basement is flooded." (It has a basement?)  Unfortunately, the rest of the resort town didn't fare as well.  In fact, a whopping 90% of all structures in Seaside Heights were damaged or destroyed by Super-Storm Sandy.  Today, the town is abandoned and residents are not allowed to return home.  The National Guard and Ocean County Sheriff's Office patrol the flooded streets and washed-out roads...without a hottie in sight.

In their jeeps, the rangers drive past Seaside Heights' many fallen favorites.  The iconic roller coaster remains submerged under ten feet of water as shifting sand dunes erased the previous shoreline.  Likewise, the Seaside Heights Boardwalk and Casino Pier have been reduced to an enormous pile of rotting wooden planks.  Where will the Jersey Shore Cast would hang out and insult each other now?  And here's the worst news: All of the nightclubs have been hit.  Club Karma lost a roof and the Beachcomber Bar...which featured Snooki's famous punch...is flooded.  Also sad: The Aztec Bar, where J-Woww and Ronnie first met, is closed until further notice.  All we have left of these wonderful places are hazy memories and reruns.

In reality, most residents of Seaside Heights, New Jersey, hope these memories from the profanity-laced MTV show get washed away with the jetsam of the SuperStorm.   Don't believe us? Well, the Seaside Heights city website clearly states: "Our town is not a haven for intellectually challenged, morally bankrupt youths" like those celebrated on the cable TV show.  However, it's not that easy to get rid of a money-maker.  While the original show has been officially cancelled, spin-offs are in the works.  A number of bars in town turned down MTV execs and rejected contracts to film in their establishments, so stay tuned.

However, we here at the DUNER BLOG would like to remind you that the booze-swilling and booty-slapping kids aren't all bad.  In fact, the crew has planned a reunion special on MTV to raise funds to rebuild their beloved coastline.  Together with Architecture for Humanity, Restore The Shore will air live November 15th at 8:00 PST.  You can buy some totally awesome hoodies will all profits going to the Red Cross.  Or you can phone in a pledge.  The Situation has promised to shot-gun one can of beer for every $100 dollars raised.  Tune in, donate cash and party on! 

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