Weekly insights into our crazy world.

Monday, January 2, 2012



HAPPY NEW YEAR from your friends at the DUNER BLOG.  We look forward to sharing fifty-two new, insightful blogs on "Important News Stories You Might Have Missed!" with YOU...our wonderful readers.

To be honest, there is a lot of staff confusion today at the DUNER BLOG World Headquarters.  See, it's Monday, January Second.  This is important because the first day of the year fell on a Sunday.  Hence, many of our staff thought today was a holiday...and didn't come in to work!  And for many people, it is a holiday.  In California, federal employees have the day off but state university employees do not.  The confusion continues.  See, the Rose Bowl and Parade are being held today and not on January First this year.  Why?  Because the city of Pasadena has a strict "Never on a Sunday" policy.   The last time this calendar anomaly occurred was 2006.  Got it?

No! We don't get it! That's why no one showed up for work!  That's why we're not on Colorado Avenue enjoying the sights and sounds of the Rose Parade!  Let's face it: the GREGORIAN CALENDAR sucks!  A lot has changed since 1582 and our antiquated calendars can't keep up with it.  Although the world missed its perfect moment to change our errant system back on January 1, 2000...let's not give up hope!  Global calendar reform needs to happen.  Everyone knows that our current calendar system results in a lot of unnecessary confusion, just like today.  This, in turn, results in huge financial losses worldwide.

Richard Henry holds the new calendar.
Don't believe us?  Then ask Johns Hopkins economics professor RICHARD HENRY.  In a recent study, he concluded the world loses: "roughly $130 billion annually."  And this amount is only due "to interest-calculation errors resulting from incorrectly counting the number of days in a given month."  The figure doesn't include the other errors committed by schools, businesses, sports franchises, farmers markets, and so on.  To solve this problem, RICHARD, along with astrophysicist STEVE HANKE, have proposed a NEW CALENDAR.  They hope they can finally solve the problem of how to divide 365.2422 days into something practical and easy to understand.  C'mon...if the world can agree on something as asinine as DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME...surely we can all can agree on a new calendar.

Of course, the Hanke / Henry permanent calendar does come with some negative consequences.  With the introduction of more uniform months, comes the elimination of some days (Jan. 31, May 31, Aug 31) and the creation of others (Feb. 30, June 31, Sept. 31).  Also, October 31st will be removed and Halloween will be permanently moved to Monday, October 30th.  Under the HANKE / HENRY calendar, some people will be styled to have their birthday parties on a Saturday every year while others will be bummed to have a permanent Monday birthday celebration.  But RICHARD and STEVE hope you will understand: These little bumps are for the greater good of having a normal calendar where Christmas Day is always on a Sunday.

Okay...so maybe the HANKE / HENRY Calendar is a little rough on the edges, but at least it's putting the issue of Calendar Reform in the minds of world citizens.  Everyone would benefit from a more simple system.  The number of human errors would be greatly reduced, thus saving everyone large sums money.  And while many will be angered...the integrity of the months would be forever damaged...ask yourself this question: Do you even know what your birth month is named after?  HINT: If you said anything other than a Latin word or a Roman deity, you're wrong!

Here's the list:

JANUARY: Named after Janus, two-headed god of doors and windows
FEBRUARY: Februalia was a Roman festival that involves purification
MARCH: Named after Mars, the God of War
APRIL: From the verb Aperire meaning "to open" as in a flower bud
MAY: Named after Maia, the goddess of growth and plants
JUNE: Named after Juno, the wife of Jupiter.
JULY*: Named after Julius Caesar in the year 44 BC
AUGUST*: Named after Caesar Augustus in the year 8 BC
SEPTEMBER: Latin, from Septem (the number Seven)
OCTOBER: Latin, from Octo (the number Eight)
NOVEMBER: Latin, from Novem (the number Nine)
DECEMBER: Latin, from Decem (the number Ten)

*NOTE: The reason why there last four are numbers out of order is due to the fact that the Roman Empire never 're-calculated' when they added these two months for their favorite emperors.


1 comment:

  1. David, Dunerblog technichical producer and resident nerd speaking, Janus whom by birth month is named after is the two faced not headed god of doors and windows. According to myths he had one head. It is named this for the sake of january as the month of looking back at last year while looking forwaer to the next.