Weekly insights into our crazy world.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012



Let's just start off with an apology.  We here at the DUNER BLOG had a long debate as to whether or not BEYONCÉ'S baby name qualified as "News" or not.  We decided it doesn't count as news...but it was just too darn funny to pass up!  Anyhow, for folks in places like BURKINA FASO or NEW CALEDONIA (homes of actual DUNER BLOG readers) who have not heard...here's a quick summary: Recently, celebrities have had a peculiar habit of naming their children after the first thing that pops into their minds.  They then proceed to have said name put on the child's Birth Certificate, Baptism Records, High School Transcripts, Driver's License, College Applications...and so on...for the rest of their lives!  

Without any further ado, here are the TOP TWENTY RIDICULOUS CELEBRITY BABY NAMES along with the best possible explanations we could find!

#1.  BLUE IVY.  We still don't know what actually inspired this horrible name.  Online fans speculate that Blue is Jay-Z's favorite color...in Empire State of Mind he raps: "I bleed Yankee blue."  Beyoncé's favorite number is 4.  And I-V is Roman Numerals for the number 4. 

#2.  PEACHES HONEYBLOSSOM & FIFI TRIXIEBELL.  Just when we thought Sir Bob Geldof and wife Paula Yates had gone crazy with the first name...they named their second daughter something even more puzzling.

#3.  KAL-EL.  It's pretty clear that Nicolas Cage has some odd obsession with misplaced royalty.  First, he thought marrying Elvis' daughter would make him a prince, now he thinks naming his son after Superman's father would make him a superhero.

 #4.  JERMAJESTY.  We thought Michael Jackson was pretty odd, but his older brother Jermaine is on this list and MJ isn't. 

#5  BANJO.  TV star Rachael Griffiths loves music and wanted her son's name to reflect this devotion.  It could have been worse...What if Rachael's favorite instrument was the tuba or the oboe?

#6.  PIRATE.  The lead singer for the rock band KORN has a normal name: Jonathan Davis.  But his son is destined to a life filled with jokes with an "Aarrgh" punchline.

Bronx Mowgli: A normal kid with a strange name.
#7.  BRONX MOWGLI.  Singer Pete Wentz loves New York and Disney.  Unfortunately, his son is named after the worst borough (Sorry, it's the poorest) and an annoying character in the Jungle Book (Disney's lamest animated movie)

#8.  BUDDY BEAR, PETAL BLOSSOM, DAISY BOO, POPPY HONEY. We here at the DUNER BLOG have a lot of respect for celebrity chef Jamie Oliver.  We salute his selfless work to improve food in public school cafeterias.  That said...he is an complete idiot for naming his daughter Daisy Boo.

#9.  MOROCCAN. Apparently, this child was conceived in the Moroccan-themed room in Mariah Carey's Manhattan penthouse.  Got it?

#10.  SPECK WILDHORSE.  Okay...it kinda follows that John Cougar Mellencamp would want his son to also have the name of a fast animal.  But Speck?  It's the German word for bacon...maybe that's why?

#11  CAMERA.  This name makes complete sense.  See, tennis great Arthur Ashe's wife was a photographer.  Sure...that makes sense.

#12.  ZUMA NESTA ROCK.  Two weird names weren't enough for rock star Gwen Stefani!  Zuma is the Malibu beach were a young Gwen had an epiphany that she grow up to be a legend.  Nesta is Bob Marley's middle name.  Rock is for Rock 'n' Roll!

#13.  PRINCESS TIÁAMII.  British pop sensation Katie Price explained the odd spelling of her daughter's middle name: "We put an accent over the first A to make it more exotic and two Is at the end just to make it look a bit different."  Mission accomplished, Katie!

#14.  APPLE.   Seven years ago, Gwyneth Paltrow got a lot of flap when she named her kid after a common fruit.  Nowadays, it doesn't seem so weird.

Diesel is the one with the mohawk.
#15.  DEMIN & DIESEL.  R&B Singer Toni Braxton believes children "need strong names to be confident."  She's right...that's one tough fabric and one toxic chemical compound.

#16.  PILOT INSPEKTOR.  Actor Jason Lee said the idea for this name came from a lyric in a song by his favorite indie rock band 'Granddaddy.' 

#17.  KYD.  X-Files star David Duchovny's son is now eleven and plays on the Rangers Little League team.  Just like Billy the Kid!

#18.  REBEL, RACER, ROGUE, ROCKET.  Director Robert Rodriguez clearly loves the letter 'R.' That's (W)Rong!

#19. TU  MORROW.  Actor Rob Morrow loves the song from the musical 'Annie.'

#20.  FREE.  Barbara Hershey's son makes the list at spot #20.  No, not because of the name.  When Free turned 18 years old, the first thing he did was change his name to Tim.

1 comment:

  1. David, Dunerblog technical producer and resedent nerd speaking, it is a great offense to all comic book lovers that you called Superman's father, JOR-El, Kal-El which, as everyone knows is Superman himself's name. I will let this one slide but another offense will not be tolorated!!!