JUNE 21 FIDGET SPINNERS CONFISCATED AT GERMAN AIRPORT

JUNE 21 FIDGET SPINNERS CONFISCATED AT GERMAN AIRPORT

Last Friday, authorities at Frankfurt Airport announced the seizure of 39 tons of Fidget Spinners. The dozens of crates holding the dreaded, 'must have' toy of 2017 are currently being crushed into tiny bits in a warehouse in neighboring Mannheim. Customs officials clarified: The confiscated items had loose parts that posed choking habits. Furthermore, the Fidget Spinners lacked proper paperwork and instructions. Normally, defective goods are simply returned to the factory. However, the Chinese manufactures declined. See, the shipping costs outweigh the value of the merchandise. Anyhow...regardless of the motivation...German authorities did what the rest of the world desperately wants: The immediate destruction of all Fidget Spinners worldwide.

Never heard of a Fidget Spinner? Sure...some readers don't interact with kids much or don't live near a Chinatown...so here's a quick description: A disc and a bearing are placed in the center of a three-sided star made of plastic or metal. Kids spin the outer sections while balancing the non-moving part on their thumb, finger, nose, chin, etc. Deluxe spinners can be adjusted for spin time, vibration and (annoying humming) noises. Simple and extremely profitable. Fidget Spinners held all 15 top spots on May's Amazon.com's Toy Sales chart.

However, it's not the spinning part that makes this toy so out-worldly popular. (After all...yo-yo's just spin, but you don't see them in toy stores anymore.) Nope, what makes Fidget Spinners popular is their ability to help children with ADHD concentrate. They alleviate the need for the constant stimulation and allow a kid to pay attention better. One brand bills itself as "Great for ADD, ADHD, Autism & Anxiety." This appeals to many desperate parents. See, Fidget Spinners aren't toys...they are medical intervention. A wondrous stress reliever...For just $5.99!

Sounds great, but let's dig deeper into the studies backing this claim up. They only problem is the lack of any actual scientific research whatsoever. The closest we could find was an article by Cat Bowen, a lifestyle writer at Romper.com. She noted her autistic son improved on math homework when he used a Fidget Spinner. This factoid then entered the Internet and soon became Fake News. Now Middle School teachers nationwide are clamoring to make sense of the situation, as kids claim they are not toys. Sadly, banning them from classrooms has only succeeded in making them more popular with kids!

Back to Frankfort Airport. While the reasoning for the confiscation of the Fidget Spinner was solidly administrative, we can't help but feel the actual motivation was elsewhere. Socialist countries are more protective of children. For example: It's illegal for cartoon characters to hawk sugary cereals on TV ads. Germans view Fidget Spinners as a menace. They understand that exactly the opposite is also occurring. Some ADHD kids succeed while spinning, but the vast majority just stare at the spinner and don't learn at all. Free-market nations like the USA and Mexico are constantly vulnerable to scams like this, and the Germans do not want to fall for it!