Weekly insights into our crazy world.

Thursday, October 1, 2015



Pope Francis must be exhausted after his busy tour of the United States and thrilled to be back home in a normal Catholic country like Italy. See, Popes don't like visiting the USA...or as they call it 'The Un-Holy Land.' For the other 51 weeks this year, Francis will be telling the rest of the world reject American sins. He hates our pornography, doesn't care for our angry hip-hop and dislikes our high divorce rates. However, for one week, this is all put in the past and the Pope and the USA are forced to coexist. Let's review some things we learned from His Holiness in six whirlwind days:

The Pope Doesn't Like Trump's Immigration Position. As the first Pope to ever address the US Congress, Francis encouraged our Senators and Representatives to re-think our approach to "illegal" immigration. He reminded us that...unless you're a Navajo...you too are a descendant of an immigrant. He urged Americans not to repeat the "sins and errors of the past" by turning people away. He even told Congress to heed to the Golden Rule: "Do unto others and you would have them do unto you." No report yet on whether any Senators were listening.

A Pope Can Shake Up Politics. Immediately following the Papal Address, the Speaker of the House, the most important person on Capitol Hill, abruptly resigned. Ohio Representative John Boehner wept during the entire speech. Immediately after it ended, he handed in his pink slip, saying that "Bringing the Pope (here) is my final act." In reality, most feel Tea Party divisions in the GOP are to blame...but nonetheless: The Pope can really make an impact on US Politics!

Francis Won't Eat With Millionaires.  Traditionally, after foreign dignitaries visit Washington DC, they elaborately dine with American politicians afterward. (Remember George HW Bush's infamous upchuck on the Japanese PM during a White House dinner?)  Well, there will be no caviar and champagne for Pope Francis. He declined Nancy "Moneybags" Pelosi's luncheon offer and instead went to a Soup Kitchen for the homeless at St. Patrick's. Puzzled Diane "Fat Cat" Feinstein quipped: "I don't get it. I am so good at helping people I've made $75 million doing so."

Francis Is Not Afraid of Assassins. First of all, he drove around DC in a Fiat. C'mon! Those aluminium doors couldn't handle an arrow...much less a bullet. Then, he stopped to pose for selfies with fans at the 9/11 Memorial. Finally, he disobeyed orders and wandered into crowds in Philadelphia to shake hands and bless children and grandparents. (Let's face it: No one can resist the adorable Pope Baby!?)  It seems the papacy has a different view of security than other world leaders. John Paul II even forgave the jerk Turk who shot him in the arm!

Pope Francis Don't Like The Gays. Conservatives applauded the Pope when he met with Kim Davis, the Kentucky County Clerk who refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Francis gave her rosaries and told her to "stay strong" during a 15 minute 'Meet and Greet" session at the Vatican Embassy in Washington. "I'm just a nobody" noted Davis "So it was really humbling he would want to meet me." Oh well, Francis!  Four out of Five DUNER BLOG Highlights is still pretty good.

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