Weekly insights into our crazy world.

Thursday, January 29, 2015



Over the weekend, President Obama visited Indian President Modi in New Delhi. The occasion was Republic Day...when the world's largest democracy was born. To celebrate, finely decorated camels proudly paraded in front of Punjabi paratroopers. Barack and Michelle looked on in pure amazement. However...later in the ceremony...things were reversed. It was the people of Delhi who looked at the Obamas in pure amazement. Why? Because The Prez cruised down under India Gate in one helluva cool Cadillac Limousine. Not familiar with The Beast? Here's a quick primer..

It has its own plane. I'm sure you were already wondering... How does Obama get The Beast to India in the first place? Well, the Secret Service has a specially designed C-17 GlobeMaster aircraft. Its sole purpose is to carry Limo One anywhere President Obama travels.

It isn't a Cadillac.  Although The Beast has Escalade tail lights, trim and rims, the rest of the vehicle is pieced together from other Chevrolet models. The chassis and engine are from the Chevy Kodiak, which is mostly used for commercial dump trucks. The transmission is from a sports car. All in all, it adds up to one of the most expensive cars in the world: $1.5 million dollars each.

It has a desk.  The most powerful man in the free world needs an office...even when he is driving. Part of the interior folds down to create a four-foot long work space. It's linked directly to a military satellite through a SATCOM dome on the roof.

It is extremely well protected. Let's check on the specs on Limo One. It has five-inch thick, multi-layered bulletproof glass. The tires are Kevlar-reinforced and can never go flat. Nuclear strength foam protects the gas tank. Armor plating on the door is eight inches thick...which is twice as thick as as an airplane's exterior. Put this all together and you have ten tones of protection.

It guzzles gas. Despite having a Dura-max Diesel engine, The Beast is not fuel efficient. We're talking a paltry eight miles to the gallon! Despite this, and the extreme weight, The Beast can really fly! It can go from zero to sixty MPH in just fifteen seconds...in case Barack needs to get away really fast..

It has a sample of Barack's blood. Be careful if you're rummaging around the trunk of Limo One. Next to the oxygen tanks, shot guns, grenade launchers and tear gas containers, you'll find a red box. Inside is a sample of the President's blood. See, you never know what the evil Bio-Terrorists are planning. Like the Boy Scouts say... Be Prepared!

It has a new license plate. Last year, The Beast sported a license plate for the first time. (Not that any Highway Patrol officer would pull the Presidential Limo over!)  Nonetheless, Barack wanted to make a statement, so a Washington, DC plate was affixed. "Taxation Without Representation" is the motto on the bottom of all DC plates, which references the fact that the 700,000 residents of the nation's capital still cannot vote. NOTE: With the Republicans in control of both houses of Congress, this will not change soon!

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