Weekly insights into our crazy world.

Thursday, June 21, 2012


#5 is Lukas Podolski

The first round of the UEFA 2012 (Union of European Football Associations) is over.  Two weeks into the tournament, there has been lots of good news and some inevitable bad news. The good news is Poland and the Ukraine have exceeded expectations as co-host nations.  New hotel and entertainment complexes have welcomed over a million fans.  Trains are ample, clean and on time.   The facilities...many built specifically for the event...have dazzled.  Even the weather has cooperated.  The bad news is ignorant racists morons have disrupted some matches.  Let's face it: Fans  who jump up and down and howl like monkeys need to look in the mirror and ask themselves:  Хто це мавпа?  (Who is the monkey?)

To be honest, we here at the DUNER BLOG don't really enjoy soccer much.  HOWEVER...we do enjoy the soccer players.  It's true: Nowadays, European footie heroes have reached levels of celebrity previously only attained by MICHAEL JORDAN and TIGER WOODS.  Similarly aided by tabloids, twitter and testosterone, these go-getters are always in the headlines across the continent.  Also...just like their American counterparts...their fame is matched only by their enormous salaries and lucrative endorsement deals.  To honor these men, here is our official list of the TOP FIVE SEXIEST PLAYERS LEFT IN THE UEFA 2012 TOURNAMENT.

#4. Cesc Fabregas
#5. LUKAS PODOLSKI. GermanyAlthough born in Poland, Lukas emigrated to Cologne at age two.  The left-footed striker is, according to his FIFA profile, a "deft striker from the left side, known for his probing attacks."  Which is a good segue into his other line of work...Underwear Model!  The current question surrounding Herr Podolski is about his choice of teams. Why doesn't he play for Poland?  (He has joint citizenship.)  Says he heart-throb: "I have to hearts beating in my chest.  It's difficult."

#4. CESC FABREGAS. Spain.  It seems wherever this midfielder goes, drama follows.  As a youth, he first shot to fame on Spain's U-17 team.  Then, the Barcelona native broke hometown hearts when he signed with the English power ARSENAL at the tender age of sixteen.  Injuries to other midfielders quickly catapulted him into the starting lineup, where he shined.  In eight seasons, he scored 53 goals...and became team captain.  When his contract was up, one of the highest bidding wars in sports history ensued, with FC Barcelona winning with a bid of 34 million Euros.

#3. Ashley Cole.
#3 ASHLEY COLE. England. The UEFA 2012 tournament is the 21st time Ashley has represented England...which eclipses DAVID BECKHAM on the all-time list.  Who cares?  We love Ashley for his WAG's! (Wives and Girlfriends).  The most famous of which is his ex-wife CHERYL COLE.  While not famous outside of the UK, this woman is fantastic as a judge on the hit TV show X-Factor.   In fact, Cheryl is the only person on earth who can go toe-to-toe with SIMON COWELL.  On her latest album, she wrote a track about Ashley.  It's called: "Screw You." 

#2. Ilker Casillas
#2. ILKER CASILLAS. Spain. Not even King Juan Carlos is revered more in Spain.  Why?  Let's check out his current resume. Saint Ilker is the goalie and captain of the both the Spanish national team and the most successful club team, Real Madrid.   In a soccer-obsessed nation like Spain, this is as good as it getsAnd...of course...we also love his girlfriend, sports journalist SARA CARBONERO.  Spanish tabloids are always talking about their relationship and have nicknamed her "Sara Pasta-Sauce."   On one hand, there is anger over a "conflict of interest" horribly evident during her adoring interviews.   On the other, there is obvious jealousy over her "kiss and tell" articles.

#1. Cristiano Ronaldo
#1. CRISTIANO RONALDO. Portugal.  Of course he is NUMBER ONE!!  Not only is Cristiano the best looking man in sports, he is also the wealthiest.  In addition to his $25 million dollar annual salary, his endorsement deals with Nike, Castrol, Konami and Armani netted him a cool $44 million last year.  Just how popular is the underwear model?  He is Facebook's Most Popular Athlete and has more Twitter followers than any other sports star.  TRIVIA: Ronaldo is actually his middle name and comes from US President Ronald Reagan.   

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