MAY 18 HAPPY 400th BIRTHDAY, KING JAMES BIBLE!

MAY 18 HAPPY 400th BIRTHDAY, KING JAMES BIBLE!

Wait a second!  Don't click "NEXT"!  Despite the title of this week's post, we are not getting preachy here at the DUNER BLOG.  Nope, we are simply 'sticking to our slogan' and bringing you a news story you might have missed! And here it is: Earlier this month (May 2nd to be exact) was the 400th anniversary of the first printing of the King James Version of the HOLY BIBLE.  Since then, it has become the most published...the most read...the most quoted... simply put...the most important book in the English language of all time!

But it didn't start out that way.  It all began with every one's favorite turkey-leg-totting monarch, KING HENRY THE EIGHTH.  Contrary to his current cartoonish image, Henry was a devout Christian and a biblical scholar.  He wanted the Bible translated into English so that "even a boy who drives the plow" could learn about the scripture.  To accomplish this, a spirited and learned colleague WILLIAM TYNDALE was dispatched to Germany to pen an English version of the great book.  He met with clergy members and spent years translating a new edition from old Greek manuscripts.   Unfortunately, poor William's timing was bad.  Europe was awash in the horribly illogical WARS OF THE REFORMATION.  In 1536, a confused bishop had Tyndale burned at the stake for translating our 'most holy words' into the "vulgar English tongue."  Ouch!

Nonetheless, some 50,000 copies of Tyndale's work were still smuggled into Britain and dispersed all over the islands.  Often called the GENEVA BIBLE, this was the version read by Shakespeare and Queen Elizabeth.  Over the next fifty years, many new Christian sects began popping up all over England.  Each had a new interpretation of the faith and a different translation of the Bible.  By the time KING JAMES VI became ruler in 1603, the situation had became mess.  In addition to the Geneva Bible, Puritans and Presbyterians had their own versions while the 'Bishops Bible' was the accepted Anglican edition.  Eager to bring peace to all in his warring lands, James convened a conference where it was decided a new translation was needed so that all of Britain could be on the same page.

After years of work, on the morning of May 2nd, 1611, this esteemed committee graced the world with their accomplishment: The first edition of the KING JAMES VERSION of the HOLY BIBLE.  It succeeded in its initial task of unifying the many religious sects of Britain.  All could finally agree at least on the basic principles of the faith...Never again would a war of religion occur on British soil.  But the book went on to accomplish so much more than just that.  The work is also a major milestone in the field of English grammar. The rules for things like verb conjugations, prepositional phrases and dangling modifiers were all clarified.  The KJV also standardized the spelling rules that we all must memorize today!

However, the most important accomplishment of the KING JAMES VERSION was the simple idea launched by Henry the Eighth: Everyone should have access to a book.  In the 1500's, books were both voluminous and valuable (big and expensive).  Imagine if every book was like the one carried in on Sunday Mass by two choirboys...not exactly something you can read on the train home.  The KJV changed all of this.  For centuries after 1611, most households in England had a copy of the KJV Bible at home.  Simply put: It was how you taught your children to read.   So the next time you say "An eye for an eye" or "My cup runneth over" take a minute and thank the man: King James! (Sorry...LeBron...but you can't compare!)


And finally, here are some FUN FACTS about the King James Bible:

Number of books in the Bible: 66 
Chapters: 1,189 
Verses: 31,102 
Words: 783,137 
Letters: 3,116,480 
Number of promises given in the Bible: 1,260 
Commands: 6,468 
Predictions: over 8,000 
Fulfilled prophecy: 3,268 verses 
Unfulfilled prophecy: 3,140 
Number of questions: 3,294 
Longest name: Mahershalalhashbaz (Isaiah 8:1) 

MAY 10 MANNY PACQUIAO: THE BOXER WHO DOES EVERYTHING

MAY 10 MANNY PACQUIAO: THE BOXER WHO DOES EVERYTHING

Last Saturday at the MGM GRAND in Las Vegas, Welterwieight Champion MANNY PACQUIAO demolished challenger "SUGAR" SHANE MOSELY.  No one was surprised.  After all, the "Pac-Man" has amassed an astounding record over the last fifteen years. He's won 53 bouts (38 by knockout) and has lost only three times (with none since 2005).  Sure...you say...this sort of thing happens all the time in Vegas...what's so surprising about a successful boxer?  Even having PARIS HILTON appear at the post-fight press conference isn't very surprising. Well, what did surprise people is what Manny did after the two-hour, twelve-round fight. He showered, changed into a fancy suit, and proceeded to perform a concert at the MANDALAY BAY ballroom.  His encore was "La Bamba." The crowd went wild!

Okay, so Manny is a boxer who sings.  George Foreman is a boxer who sells grills.  The point is, lots of athletes have a 'side-gig.'  But Manny is different.  He has he sold over a million albums in both English and Tagalog.  His top hit, PAC-MAN PUNCH (Knockout Re-mix) was #1 for four weeks.  But that's not all this boxer can do.  No way! Manny is also an actor having starred in numerous movies and TV shows.  His sit-com SHOW ME DA MANNY is a top rated show on the Filipino ABS-CBN network.  His last superhero/comedy film, SON OF A COMMANDER was also a hit.  Unfortunately, the critics weren't very impressed, panning both at the last METRO MANILA FILM FESTIVAL.  But...as every A-list actor knows...it's not the critics that count, it's the box-office receipts that matter.  Manny is now in talks with reps from SYLVESTER STALLONE.  They're planning on doing a 'cop-buddy' movie together.  Cha-ching!

Okay, so Manny is a boxer who sings and acts.  KRISTI YAMAGUCHI is a figure skater who sings and acts.  But MANNY PACQUIAO is different.  We forgot to mention: Manny is also a politician!  Specifically, he represents the Sarangari Province in the Filipino House of Representatives.  Last year, he pummeled the incumbent, Roy Chiongbian, winning 67% of the popular vote.  As one of the youngest members of Congress, his political future is looking bright.  So is his bank account.  FORBES MAGAZINE listed Pacquaio as the SIXTH highest paid athlete in the world, grossing $40 million last year.  (That's TWO BILLION Filipino Pesos!)  Our favorite boxer is insanely popular back home which has resulted in many lucrative endorsement deals.  He pitches everything from dish washing detergent to cell phones to SAN MIGUEL BEER.  Double Cha-ching!

However, despite these many successes, Manny still wants to be known as a boxer first.  As the saying goes, Pound-for-Pound he may just be the best boxer in the history of the sport.  He is the only boxer in the history of the sport to win titles in eight different weight divisions.  This means he either gains or loses weight to be eligible to compete in different divisions.  For example, his lightest weight was 112 pounds, when he won the Flyweight division.  He then gained 42 pounds to claim the Super Welterweight title a year later.  It's true, right now, no one in any division wants to get in the ring with the Fighting Pride of the Philippines.   Don't believe me?  Just ask "SUGAR" SHANE MOSELY.  (Who was too beat up Saturday night to headline a concert anywhere!) After the fight, he said; "To knock out Manny Pacquiao, you'd need a stick or a hammer!"

MAY 3 WHY DON'T MEXICANS CELEBRATE CINCO DE MAYO?

MAY 3 WHY DON'T MEXICANS CELEBRATE CINCO DE MAYO?

On your last trip to your local supermarket, you might have noticed an extraordinary amount of red, white and green banners, bunting and posters...all reminding you that May's Most Important Day is fast approaching!  Yes, America, CINCO DE MAYO is just around the corner!  So...what are you doing reading this?  Go back to the market and start buying lots of chips & salsa!  Start rolling up bunches of burritos with gobs of guacamole! Why?  Because Mexico's Independence Day is coming!  And...just think...if we're going bonkers, one can only imagine the crazy parties on the other side of the border...right?

Wrong!  In fact, CINCO DE MAYO isn't even a Mexican National holiday.  Nor does it have anything to do with Mexican Independence at all.  Confused?  Well, let's straighten things out. (That's what the DUNER BLOG is for!)  We'll start on September 16th, 1810.  This was the date when Father Miguel Hidalgo read his famed 'Grito de Delores' speech which declared Mexico's independence from Spain.  Hence, this date is their biggest National Holiday. Everyone from Tijuana to Tampico celebrates triumphantly.  However, the other holiday, the Fifth of May, denotes the day when the BATTLE OF PUEBLA occurred back in 1862.  It was a fierce encounter: 2,000 Mexican soldiers soundly defeated 4,000 invading (and much better armed) French troops outside the strategic city of Puebla. 

So why is this one battle so important to Mexico?  Well, it really isn't.  In fact, CINCO DE MAYO has more to do with AMERICAN CIVIL WAR than any Mexican war.  In the 1860's, the French emperor NAPOLEON III (Bonaparte's nephew) was interested in rejuvenating his crumbling North American empire.  When the Civil War erupted in the USA, he saw his chance.  Although the first invasion failed after the Battle of Puebla (France's first military defeat in 50 years), the following year he sent a much larger army and got the job done: France conquered Mexico.  A proxy government under the rule of MAXIMILIAN was created.   Next up in Napoleon's 'grand scheme' was to move the army North...across the Rio Grande...aid the Confederacy...reclaim the LOUISIANA PURCHASE...and have everyone speaking French again!!

Well, few people parlez Francais in the Western Hemisphere today....so what happened?  First of all, the Union armies annihilated the Confederacy in four short years. So that part fizzled out.  Meanwhile, back in Europe, Prussia was preparing to invade France.  Napoleon III changed his mind and ordered troops to return home to protect the motherland.  An abandoned Maximilian fled in exile and Mexico regained her sovereignty. Shortly afterward, in 1871, the nation elected a new president named PORFIRIO DIAZ.  He was wildly popular as the 'Hero of the Battle of Puebla.'  During the conflict, his troops not only defeated the French but also chased them back across the Atlantic.  (Never mind that they returned a year later and proceeded to defeat, capture and imprison Diaz for years!)  Anyhow, eager to have a national holiday to celebrate his greatness, Diaz turned CINCO DE MAYO into a day of new national pride.  Olé!

Amazingly, Diaz went on to win six more presidential elections (!) and remained in power for almost 40 years.  As expected, fraud and embezzlement were rampant during his reign and Diaz was finally toppled in 1910 when the Mexican Civil War began.  These days, most Mexicans look back at this era (called the Porfiriato) with disdain.  Diaz built lots of ornate, wrought iron bandstands and opulent marble opera houses but not many schools or hospitals.  It's true, his dream of turning Mexico into a European style monarchy is pretty silly.  Hence, Mexicans don't care for his pretend holiday, CINCO DE MAYO, either.  However, across the border, Americans have adopted this day as a way to celebrate the Inner-Mexican inside all of us.  So...join in...crack open an ice-cold CORONA and shout: "Odio a Francia!" (I hate France!)

APRIL 26 COPA DEL REY TROPHY RAN OVER BY TEAM BUS

APRIL 26 COPA DEL REY TROPHY RAN OVER BY TEAM BUS 

We here at the DUNER BLOG are dedicated to our slogan: 'Keeping You Informed of Important Stories You Might Have Missed.' So we are particularly proud of this week's subject: Sergio Ramos and the MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT IN SPORTS HISTORY.  It occurred in Madrid last week and received very little coverage in American media.  So...for those you who didn't hear about this ultimate faux-pas....we here at DUNER CORP headquarters will now tell you fine readers the WHOLE STORY!

Few Americans know much about the COPA DEL REY.  Since 1902, Spain's soccer teams have fought valiantly for the honor of owning this large silver trophy for one year.  (In Spanish: El Campeonato de España – La Copa de Su Majestad el Rey de Fútbol.  In English: Championship of Spain – His Majesty the King's Royal Football Cup).  Anyhow, in soccer circles this is really important, as FIFA has Spain currently ranked #1in the world.   Hence, last week's final between ROYAL MADRID and FC BARCELONA trailed only the SUPER BOWL as the most-watched-sporting-event of 2011, with estimated around half a billion people tuning in worldwide.  And...just like the SUPER BOWL...the event is much more than mere sport.  TV networks showed celebs in the stands as much as the players on the field.  We saw an anxious SHAKIRA watch her new boyfriend, Barcelona's hunky striker GERARD PIQUE.   Unfortunately, the pop star was weeping when her team lost, 0-1.  The lone goal was scored by Madrid's CRISTIANO RENALDO, who is perhaps more famous as an Ultimo underwear model than as an athlete.   (Ladies: Sorry for not including his photo!)


But the REAL STORY came the day after the victory in the stadium.  Also...just like in the Super Bowl...the winning team returns home to a raucous reception at the airport, followed by a victory parade down the most famed boulevard in town.  Rowdy fans line the sidewalks around PLAZA DE CIBELES as their heroes wave to them from the top of a Double-Decker bus.  All was going as planned when suddenly disaster struck! Madrid forward SERGIO RAMOS was hoisting the coveted COPA DEL REY trophy high in the air to the delight of the fans.  But...he leaned over the edge of the bus just a little bit too far... then WHAM!  The 35 -Pound silver trophy fell fifteen feet to the asphalt below.  An estimated 60,000 fans watched in horror as the stunned bus driver proceeded to run over it, unable to stop in time.  Spain's most prized possession was mushed into a twisted mess of metal.  Police tried in vain to pry it from the bus's chassis to no avail. Now that's embarrassing!

So what do you do the next day, if you're SERGIO RAMOS?  You wake up the next morning and know the whole world wants an explanation.  At first, Sergio ignored the 'Inbox: Full' display on his cellphone and tried to downplay the event.  He slyly told a reporter: "The cup? She fell...but she is okay.  No problems!"   Sorry...Sergio...the trophy isn't okay. According to MARIA VILLEGAS, a Real Madrid spokesperson: "The cup is not in good shape."  In fact, staff hurried to create a replacement cup to put on display in the Hall of Fame at SANTIAGO BERNABEU Stadium for the droves of people anxiously awaiting to worship it.  (As any true sports fan knows, one must view a trophy with their own eyes for good luck.)  His teammates have called him everything from 'butterfingers' to 'butthead.'  Poor Sergio!

Or perhaps not.  We did leave out one very important fact.  The Victory Parade through the plaza happened at 4:15 in the morning.  No wonder the darn trophy got banged up...those crazy Castilians party all night long!  And it's not like this was the first time the COPA DEL REY trophy has been smashed up.  Heck, the only person who really has a right to be mad is FEDERIRO ALEGE.  He is the jeweler in Madrid who has to fix the trophy.  When asked how he felt about the upcoming work, he replied: "I am not sad or even angry.  These things happen."  Even Sergio himself is now laughing about the incident.  He posted on Twitter that he didn't drop the trophy at all.  Rather it: "jumped out of my hands to be closer to the great fans at the Plaza de Cibeles!'  How's that for damage control?  Maybe after football, Sergio should work for FOX NEWS!  Olé!

APRIL 18 KIM KARDASHIAN IS AN ARMENIAN HERO

APRIL 18 KIM KARDASHIAN IS AN ARMENIAN HERO

OMG! KIM KARDASHIAN is in the news again! Which is always amazing, because: She can't act. She can't sing. She can't write. She certainly can't speak...like...ya know...very good. But somehow she always manages to grab headlines. However, this time it's different.  KIM is in the news for a good thing.  This time it doesn't involve a 'stud-pro-athlete boyfriend' or a 'late-night-all-babe catfight' or a 'super-hot-but-sleazy-sex-tape.' Nope, this time Kim is going political! And she: "really hopes that if I can bring awareness to the issue...then this is an accomplishment." You Go, KIM!!

Sorry, we got ahead of ourselves. We forgot to tell you what issue Ms. Kim is trying to raise awareness about. You might not know, but her dad Robert is Armenian. KARDASHIAN (Քարտաշեան in Armenian) means "son of a stone-mason."  Armenians dislike the Turks so much that in Armenia, every April is the official "We Hate Turkey Month." So when the Turkish edition of COSMOPOLITAN magazine ran a photo of gorgeous (but Armenian) Kim on their April cover, all hell broke loose in Asia Minor.  Armenian activist ARAM HAMPARIAN called it "rubbing salt in the wounds of Armenians everywhere."

As Kim explains it, she did photo shoot for various editions of Cosmo magazine worldwide and wasn't explicitly told any shots would appear on the Turkish cover. Had she known, she never would have agreed to such an insulting notion. Why?  Because of the past.  From 1500-1915, the Ottoman Turks ruled over an immense empire, stretching from the Balkans in Europe to North Africa, not to mention the entire Middle East.  Included in this massive nation were a few Christian groups like the Armenians.   Called Gavours (infidels) they were allowed freedom of worship, but little else.  The Turks gave Armenians the worst jobs, and then overtaxed their paltry salaries.  Armenians couldn't carry weapons nor could they "ride atop a horse."  When they tried to complain, they were told Armenian testimony is inadmissible in Turkish courts.

Life went on like this for centuries until Turkey joined Germany and Austria in the First World War.  They hoped to rejuvenate their limping empire.  The opposite happened.  British forces, led by LAWRENCE OF ARABIA liberated the Middle East of Ottoman rule. Russian armies stormed into the Caucasus Mountains.  Sensing their inevitable defeat, Turkish generals decided to turn their frustrations on the defenseless Armenians.  They demanded an 'instant draft' of 50,000 men for their army, thus slowing down the Russian army and killing a bunch of Armenians at the same time.  When local leaders refused on APRIL 24, 1915, horrific events quickly ensued.  With international attention squarely placed on the battlefields of France, Turkish forces committed horrific acts against their already marginalized minority, murdering over a million men, women and children in cold blood.

For nearly a century, Armenians like the KARDASHIANS have complained that the world turned a blind eye to the genocide. This was aided by unfortunate circumstances: The Russian army finally made it to Eastern Turkey in 1917 and were the first to discover the hideous atrocities.  They reported seeing "schools with dead children piled up out front."  Horrified, the Russians became enraged and proceeded to slaughter the responsible Turkish troops.  This actually helped the Ottoman army.  After the war, there were few surviving military leaders for the international courts to prosecute.  No trials meant no publicity.  The surviving Armenian population would be split up into the Soviet Union and the new nation of Turkey...two nations not exactly known for freedom of the press.

That is until KIM KARDASHIAN spoke up! Today, the world needs to congratulate the famed socialite for keeping us informed of an important issue.  (Did I really just say that?)  And please remember the Armenians THIS SUNDAY with a moment of silence.

APRIL 12 IT'S TIME TO CELEBRATE THE CIVIL WAR!

APRIL 12 IT'S TIME TO CELEBRATE THE CIVIL WAR!

If you’re wondering why the cover of this week’s TIME MAGAZINE has ABE LINCOLN on it, it’s because today (April 12, 2011) marks 150th anniversary of the start of the Civil War. At four in the morning, all those years ago, the first shots were fired on Fort Sumter in South Carolina and our nation’s most deadliest war began. It’s also our nation’s most confusing conflict. Debate still rages about its causes and results.

WAIT! Before you all LOG OUT of blogger.com, let me reassure you: We will not be discussing SLAVERY. Instead, we'll talk about the issue that never gets enough attention: STATES RIGHTS.

Let's start at the beginning. If you look at important dates in US History, you'll notice a gaping hole between July 4, 1776 (The signing of the Declaration of Independence) and April 30, 1789 (Washington inaugurated as First US President). What happened in those forgotten fourteen years? Well, first off, it took us about five years to finally kick the British out. The Battle of Yorktown saw the last redcoats leave. Later, in 1781, George Washington shocked all of European royalty when he announced he was retiring from the colonial military and government. Everyone thought FOR SURE he was gonna be the start of new American monarchy. (Guess he wasn't a liar after all!)

Instead, American power was entrusted to the words of the ARTICLES OF CONFEDERATION. This document, written the day after the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE spelled out how the new nation was to be governed after the war. Not only did it not involve a King, but it also called for no taxes, no courts, no police...pretty much no government at all. For the next ten years, US states acted independently of each other. Each state had its own governing body. Maryland had an assembly, Virginia had a commonwealth. Each state had its own foreign policy. New York sent envoys to Paris and London while Georgia eyed annexing Florida from Spain. However, this 'loose organization' came to an end in 1789, when the CONSTITUTION was ratified and George Washington was lured out of retirement to become the first president.

But the ideals Articles of Confederation never disappeared. As always, a solid portion of Americans hated a large, bossy federal government. Over the years, a group took its name from this original document in hopes of returning a league of states. The CONFEDERACY reminded all Americans that Article One of the Articles clearly states that: "each state retains its sovereignty, freedom and independence" from the Federal Government. Conventions across the South were held to un-ratify the US Constitution. After decades of debate, a group in South Carolina decided words had failed and hurled the nation into internal conflict. The rest of the world watched in sheer horror as the largest army on the planet (533,000 men) unleashed an abhorrent amount of death and destruction never the likes of which had never been seen before.

Today is a good day to ask the question: What if Lincoln had allowed the South to secede? Sure, the current Union would be modified, but...for the most part...life still would have gone along just fine with a couple less stars on the flag. Maybe, just maybe, life would have been better. Take for example Czechoslovakia. After being liberated from the Soviets, the Slovaks wanted to be liberated from the Czechs. President Vaclav Havel (a favorite of the DUNER-BLOG) agreed to honor the results of a nation-wide vote. Turns out both countries have done great since the split, with standards of living rising on both sides of the peaceful border. How do we handle secession? Americans had to kill 620,000 of our own people...and we still can't figure out why!

APRIL 6 MASSIVE OIL SPILL KILLS ENDANGERED PENGUINS

APRIL 6 MASSIVE OIL SPILL KILLS ENDANGERED PENGUINS

We here at the DUNER BLOG have a slogan. It's in the upper banner on the homepage, adjacent to the star in light blue letters. Anyhow...for those of you who missed it...our official motto is: "The Duner Blog: Keeping You Informed on Important News Stories You Might Have Missed." And...boy...do we have an obscure news item this week. So unless you live on the REMOTEST island in the world you probably DIDN'T hear about the tragic shipwreck earlier this week, did you?

Just where is the REMOTEST INHABITED ISLAND IN THE WORLD anyhow? If you were like me, you probably guessed the South Pacific. Wrong! It's actually in the South Atlantic Ocean. The island of Tristan Da Cunha gets this noble distinction because the 264 people who live here are the 'most separated town from any other human settlements on earth.' In fact, the closest human settlement to Tristan Da Cunha Island is the city of Cape Town on the southern tip of Africa, some 1,750 miles away. The next closest inhabited land mass is a village in southeastern Brazil. That's 2, 500 miles away. We're talking remote, folks!

As expected, not much happens in the Tristan Da Cunha archipelago. Every once in a while, an occasional AIR SOUTH AFRICA international jet might fly overhead, on the not-very-popular Johannesburg to Rio de Janiero route. And, every once in a while, you'd see would see the M.S. Olivia, an ocean tanker, sail by. It carries soybeans from Brazil around the Cape of Good Hope to the soybean demanding nation of Singapore. And, poor isolated little Tristan Da Cunha would have remained unknown...BUT...last week this ocean freighter crashed smack dab into the center of the island!

The M.S. Olivia is one immense ship. It split in half and unleashed 800 tons of fuel oil into the sea. The poor islands are now drenched in a horrible petroleum-based sludge. (But don't worry, all 22 IDIOT crew members were rescued unharmed!) Now, aside from the 264 British citizens who live in the island chain, there are some very rare animals that are only found here...because it's so darn far away from everything else. Meet the 20,000 endangered ROCK-HOPPER PENGUINS, Tristan Da Cunha's most famous residents. They live farther north than other penguins and as a result live on rocks and not ice. Well, now they're living on oil-soaked rocks and they are dying in droves because it took THE ROYAL SOCIETY FOR THE PROTECTION OF THE BIRDS eighteen hours to fly to the distant archipelago!

Residents of the remote island (who, by the way, have only 8 surnames) are of course, furious at the negligence of the ocean freighter. Interestingly enough, it's not the just the penguins they're mad about. Also on board the freighter, along with the 800 tons of fuel oil, the 66,000 tons of soybeans are an untold number of rats. Rodent infestations are rampant on these immense freighters and no one really cares. And of course, there were no rats on the remote island chain prior to the disaster. Residents know their fragile ecosystem would be devastated by rats, who would bring untold disease and destruction to their paradise. But...until the world gets serious about letting ocean liners register in tiny countries like Malta (home of the M.S. Olivia) to escape stricter laws, we will continue to have our oceans full of rat-infested ships with drunk drivers crashing into endangered habitats!