Weekly insights into our crazy world.

Wednesday, August 31, 2016



It began as a rather boring newspaper article. A Chicago Tribune beat writer traveled to Kentucky to interview Colonel Sanders' nephew. Yawn. However, things became exciting when the reporter, Joel Ledington, asked to see an old scrapbook on a bookshelf. It contained the usual black-and-white photographs, cards and portraits. Then...suddenly....he saw a handwritten note. To the astonishment of the world, it listed out the 11 herbs and spices of KFC's secret recipe. This prompted us to count the Top Five Trade Secrets:

#5 Dr. Pepper. This tale begins way back in 1880.  The setting is the soda counter at WB Morrison's Drugstore. The place is the dusty town of Waco, Texas. Here, Charles Alderton first served his first Dr. Pepper. Twenty-three ingredients came together in a delicious concoction. Instantly popular, the recipe was patented five years later. Since then, the 23 items are known only by a handful of CEO's. NOTE: Although it tastes like prune juice, company officials have stated it contains no prune juice.

#4. Bush's Baked Beans. For decades, Bush's has been the top selling brand of canned beans in the US, controlling 80% of the market. That's 55 million pounds of legumes annually! How did they do it? With a secret family recipe...of course! The legend expanded in the 1990's when Jay Bush (grandson of the founder) appeared in popular TV commercials with his mischievous golden retriever, Duke. The gag is that the dog wants to sell the secret recipe.

#3. McDonald's Special Sauce. There are millions of hamburgers marketed to the earth's hungry consumers. But the BIG MAC outsells all others every year. People simply crave the one ingredient not found on any other burger: McDonald's Special Sauce. Every day, it's delivered in pre-sealed containers. The cartridges are then placed in steel squirt guns and glopped on to sesame seed buns. Although it tastes remarkably like Thousand Island Dressing, company spokesmen have informed us otherwise.

#2. KFC's Secret Recipe. Back to the original item. In response to these outlandish claims, YUM! Foods released a statement. They clarified that the document listing the amounts of the 11 herbs and spices remains "locked in the KFC vault." They also reminded us that it is sooo secret, the spices are "mixed at different locations around the US, to protect the full recipe." We here at the DUNER BLOG see this angry and defensively worded statement as a clear indication that Joe Ledington has indeed discovered the secret.

#1 Coca-Cola. While KFC restaurants are found in 108 nations worldwide, Coke tops all products on this list. In fact, there are only two countries that DO NOT drink Coca-Cola: North Korea and Cuba. Sorry, Pepsi, but you are a DISTANT second place. Earth is addicted to this beverage like none other. John Pemberton, a Confederate general, is credited with the original recipe. It changed a bit over the years...the cocaine had to removed...but the successful combinations of sugars, vanilla and caramel has never been improved upon.


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