Weekly insights into our crazy world.

Thursday, August 27, 2015



The whole planet is in love with Disney/Pixar's cinematographic masterpiece INSIDE/OUT. Compelling, thought-provoking...but still really funny...it has raked in $700 million in worldwide box office receipts. Rotten Tomatoes critics gave the flick a 98/100 rating. However, the audience score on the same site was only 90. Why the dispartity? People cannot stand BING BONG. He's a goofy pink elephant made of cotton candy. In addition to plot development, he is also intended to provide comic relief. The only problem? BING BONG is not funny. In fact, many good movies are torpedoed by including such obviously unfunny characters. Here's our TOP TEN:

#10. BING BONG. While it's easy to single out this pink elephant (made of cotton candy) the concept of a comic sidekick isn't exactly new to the year 2015. One of the first botched unfunny comedic characters comes to us from Shakespeare. Lancelot the Clown managed to ruin just about every scene of The Merchant of Venice that he appears in.

#9.BUBO. In the 1981 film The Clash of the Titans, producers wanted to add a character that would appeal to kids. They worried the story of Perseus and Medusa might bore them. Enter Bubo, a futuristic, mechanical owl. As Athena's trusted companion, he was featured in many scenes, flying around and making noise. Bubo failed miserably.

#8. EWOKS. Like Bubo, the executive producers of the Star Wars franchise also wanted to add something to their films for kids. They dreamed up the Ewoks. Half Winnie-the-Pooh and half-Ninja warrior, these adorably tough muppets did a spectacular job ruining Return of the Jedi for everyone. Even today...when watching the movie on DVD...children and adults turn off the TV the instant the Ewoks appear.

#7 MR. FREEZE. In the 1990's, Batman ruled the Box Office. By the time the fourth installation of the series rolled around in 1997, the caped crusader began to appear a bit stale to audiences. Producers decided to inject a healthy dose of super talent into the movie Batman & Robin. Instead, they settled for Arnold Schwarzenegger. He proceeded to turn a once cool villian into a goofy, hard-to-understand bodybuilder in a bad costume.

#6. RUBY RHOD. Perhaps Bruce Willis' coolest role was Korben Dallas, the flying taxi-cab driver in the Science Fiction epic The Fifth Element. Everything clicked in this movie until Ruby Rhod, the fast-talking space talk show host, joined the crew. Instead of an intriguing, futuristic hunt for moon rocks, audiences were subjected to Chris Tucker going on seemingly endless rants about nothing. Not funny.

#5. GUS GORMAN. If Batman ruled the Nineties, then Superman owned the Eighties. Christoper Reeve remains the best cast superhero ever. On the third installment of the series, Margot Kidder (Lois Lane) declined to join the cast. It was decided another superstar was needed to compliment Clark Kent. Good idea...but Richard Pryor? We love the late comedian's shtick, but the chemistry was horrible and the movie tanked.

#4. SHORT ROUND. Everyone was excited for the sequel to Raiders of the Lost Ark. Unfortunately, Steven Spielberg was given control of the casting and ruined the movie. First, he cast his wife, Kate Capshaw, as the female lead. All she did was scream. But the real mistake was the introduction of an 11-year old boy, Short Round. No one could figure out why Indiana Jones was hanging out with an obnoixous kid.

#3. GLEEK. Back in the day, the staple of Saturday Morning Cartoons was the SuperFriends. See, Hanna-Barbera took some of the DC Comic superheroes and put them all together to fight crime. At first, there were five, then twelve main characters. Before Season Five, the decision to ramp up these numbers even more resulted in chaos: The Wonder Twins, (Zan & Jayna) and their annoying blue space monkey, Gleek. Who thought of this nonsense?

#2. SCRAPPY-DOO.  After a dismal Season Four, the birth of Little Ricky sent the ratings for I Love Lucy soaring through the roof. Since then, Hollywood often inserts children into movie and TV series to bring life to the show. Meet Scrappy-Doo. He is Scooby-Doo's long lost nephew who magically appeared in 1979 and destroyed a beloved cartoon. Just because he shouts "Puppy Power" and taunts much larger foes with "Lemme at 'em!" doesn't mean we will instantly love him.

#1 JAR JAR BINKS. Where do we start? First, there's the racism angle. Jar Jar has a Jamaican accent and his character is often shown as lazy and clumsy. Secondly, George Lucas desperately wanted another beloved, made-up space character like Chewbacca the Wookie and hastily drew up an orange amphibian Gungun. When crew chief Rob Coleman informed Lucas of his opinion of Jar Jar, he refused to budge. Even the other actors complained. Nonetheless, Jar Jar has remained in the triology and looks set to foil the upcoming movie this Christmas.

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