Weekly insights into our crazy world.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014



Last month, the Thai army staged a coup d'etat and took control of our favorite Southeast Asian nation. It was the twelfth time since 1932 this unfortunate event has occurred in Thailand's history.  While disapproved by the West, most foreign governments understood the coup simply had to happen.  For the last decade, the nation has been crippled by a cycle of unfair elections, civilian protests and worker strikes.  It has paralyzed the once thriving country, with all commerce (including tourism) on a massive downturn.

The solution?  The army is mandating that all 66 million Thai citizens BE HAPPY.  Specifically, the campaign is called "Return Happiness to the People."  The military wants the citizenry to forget about the conflict of the last ten years.  So, leave your RED SHIRTS at home.  Forget about the picket signs.  Instead.. Come to a free concert and eat free food!  Why all the sudden generosity?  "We're trying to create an atmosphere to gain trust and build confidence," explained Army Spokesman Weerachon Sukondhapatipak.  "We just want people to relax."

Here's how the colonel will institute forced relaxation to the Thai people.  In addition to the weekly free concerts, you can get a free "Happy Haircut" at designated barbering centers.  Not your thing?  Maybe you like dancing?  So come to a park and watch scantily clad female dancers in camouflage miniskirts dance suggestively.  Too risque?  Well, then go to Downtown Bangkok and visit Horse Petting Zoo.  See! There is absolutely no excuse to be sad in Thailand.

In fact, the only people who are unhappy in Thailand today are the people who want a return to a civilian government.  "It's surreal," explained activist Pavin Chachavalpongpun.  "It's ridiculous to believe this will create an environment conducive to reconciliation."  He's probably right. Since last year's coup, the army has made vague statements alluding to an upcoming election.  But...in the meantime...it continues to round up any anti-government and anti-monarchists leaders and activists.

In summary, we here at the DUNER BLOG are suspicious of the Thai Army and their curious motives.  The "Bring Happiness To The People" movement is eerily similar to the 'Bread and Circus" campaigns of the Roman Empire.  However, at least the Army is trying.  They are instituting a proactive campaign.  Most armies around the world just stay locked up on bases and camps.  They don't go to the cities and dance in miniskirts.  We just hope Asia's coolest country straightens things out before we visit next year!  And.. THAT'S AN ORDER!

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