Weekly insights into our crazy world.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011



Last week, when IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn was caught with his pants down in a posh Manhattan hotel room, Italian Prime Minister SERGIO BERLUSCONI must have had a long sigh of relief.  Why?  Sergio is happy that STRAUSS-KAHN is dominating the tabloid headlines and not him.  True, scandal-driven media outlets like TMZ and TIME MAGAZINE are all too busy covering the mess in France.  They won't even notice when your lewd trial begins THIS FRIDAY in Rome.  Hate to burst your bubble, Sergio, but we here at the DUNER-BLOG have news for you!  We spend hours comparing and contrasting international politician's extramarital affairs.  We know a good story when we see one! A creepy French guy striking out with a surprised hotel maid?  Sorry!  That sad tale simply can't compare to your wild and crazy BUNGA-BUNGA parties, Signor "Papi" Burlesconi! 

The main question is: What exactly is a BUNGA-BUNGA party?  No one really knows.  All we know really know for sure is how to pronounce it.  According to the BBC, it should be: 'BOONG-guh' 'BOONG-guh' (-oo as in moon, -ng-g as in finger, -uh as a in ago; stress on capital letters).  According to our research the term was first used in reference to this case by KARIMA EL-MAHROUG.  (She also goes by the name Ruby HeartStealer.)  Back in October of 2010, the 17-year-old Moroccan beauty told police in Milan that she had attended "Bunga-Bunga Parties" on numerous occasions at the Prime Minister's Arcore villa outside Milan.  Instantly afterward, Italian media began using the silly phrase to describe his notorious after-dinner erotic sex-acts, the subject of many criminal investigations.

Then, in January, a 36-year-old German actress and friend of Burlusconi put a new twist on the controversy.  "I AM BUNGA-BUNGA!" she proudly proclaimed on the cable news channel Sky Italia.  Fraulein Sabina organizes the events in question for the P.M. and stepped up to clarify the confusion over the origin of the term. "It is simply my nickname," she told reporters.  See, Sabina's last name, "Began" is quite similar to "Bunga."  Problem solved...right?  Wrong, says a former-aid of Sergio's long-time friend, embattered leader MUAMMAR GADDAFI.  The anonymous source recalls how impressed the Italian statesman was after attending his legendary sex parties held in a massive Saharan desert tent.  "He was utterly enthralled with the idea of having a personal harem of young Western women," claims the source.  So...according to this guy...'Bunga-Bunga' is Libyan slang for getting busy!

Not so fast!  More light was shed on the true definition of a BUNGA-BUNGA party last month when the website THE DAILY BEAST obtained Berlusconi court documents in Rome.  According to this testimony, some FORTY-THREE young women have already given evidence about the late-night activities in question.   A source described it as "an erotic ritual...an underwater orgy where nude young women allegedly encircled the nude prime minister and/or his friends in his swimming pool." Afterwards, all are paid handsomely for attending.  Similar details emerged from intercepted telephone calls reported in the British newspaper THE TELEGRAPH.  One showgirl cautioned another from attending, warning her: "You're either ready to do anything or you take a taxi and leave."

Finally...what does Sergio say?   How does he define "Bunga-Bunga?"  Well, he'll tell you the whole thing is just a silly old joke.  Here's how it goes: Two of Mr Berlusconi's political opponents are captured by a hostile African tribe. They are given an ultimatum: Death or 'bunga-bunga.' Scared, the first one opts for bunga bunga.  Instantly, he gets fran-cuoloed (Italian slang for you-know-what) by the entire tribe.  The second one, who now grasps what "bunga bunga" means, says he would prefer to die. To which the chief replies: "Okay...you will die!  But first: 'bunga-bunga.'"  What a hilarious joke! One person, however, is not laughing.  Berlusconi's second wife, Veronica Lario, recently announced their divorce.  She cited her husband's purported "fondness for minors" as the main reason. Hmmm.

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