JAN 26 ROWDY TOURISTS INVADE NEW ZEALAND

JAN 26  ROWDY TOURISTS INVADE NEW ZEALAND

A natural disaster that has crippled New Zealand's North Island for two weeks is finally over. What has been terrorizing the nation?  Was it a hurricane? Earthquake? Volcanic eruption? Nope, it was something much, much worse: A large family from Liverpool on a ten-day vacation. Their reign of terror began in the largest city and then spiraled out of control into the countryside, leaving behind a trail of trash a kilometer wide.

Meet the Doran's. Like many people these days, they watched the Lord of the Rings movies and decided to book a holiday to New Zealand. After landing in Auckland International, they parked the rental car a loading zone in front of the hotel, garnering four citations. Next, they headed to scenic Takapura Beach. After claiming a prime spot, they proceeded to drink dozens of lagers and eat copious amounts of fish and chips. When finished, they left behind heaps of rubbish. When asked by the locals to pick up their waste, the Brits thoughtfully replied: "I'll bash your fu**ing head in, mate!"

A couple days later, the charming Liverpudlians headed north to Hamilton. Along the way, the police pulled them over. Turns out the Doran's didn't know about car seats for babies. No worries! Kiwi cops are kind, and they all went to the Tesco together to purchase and install the legal car seats. Sensing they were in a compassionate country, the family struck again at a BP gas station. They filled up the tank, got more snacks and some sunglasses...then drove away without paying.

By this point, social media nationwide had informed New Zealanders about the terrible tourists and their destruction. Not surprisingly, the normally docile Kiwis were up in arms. One lady tweeted: 'How dare the limeys disrespect us so?' Things came to a head on Monday afternoon at a Burger King. See, the Whoppers served to the Doran's were disgusting. So they threw the food on the floor and cursed the kitchen crew. Authorities arrived and the family was deported back to the UK. When they arrived at the airport, throngs of media were there, celebrating the end of the national disaster.

While the Doran's are gone, New Zealanders are left grappling with a new reality. Tourism has been growing rapidly in the remote country. Almost 4 million people visited last year...surpassing 2016's record. Soon, the number of annual visitors will be greater than the population of New Zealand (4.8 million). Sadly, the Kiwis are discovering the downside of living in mythical Middle Earth.