DEC 14 WHY DO WE KISS UNDER THE MISTLETOE?

DEC 14  WHY DO WE KISS UNDER THE MISTLETOE?

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! It's the time of year when tradition makes us do things we would never do in any other month than December. We place trees inside the house. We hang socks near the fire. We wait for a magic man to slide down the chimney. Sure, we all do these activities, but have you ever wondered HOW these traditions started? Of course you do! That's why you read the DUNER BLOG. So let's tackle one of yuletide's quirkiest rituals: Kissing under the mistletoe.

First, let's examine the plant itself. Mistletoe is a parasitic species, meaning it depends on another plant for survival. Botanists have identified around 1,500 different types of mistletoe, found on six continents. What makes mistletoe unique is its ability to stay green year round. That's because it's not dependent on rainfall or good soil like other plants. It just steals nutrients and water from the host tree. In fact, its scientific name is Phoradendron, which is Greek for "thief of the tree." It's toxic to humans, but birds love it. They are the ones who spread the seeds from tree to tree.

However, it's Norse Mythology...not the Greeks...who gave mistletoe its notoriety. See, the goddess Frigg was a helicopter parent. She was sooo worried her son Baldur would harm himself in the cruel world outside, she cast a magic spell: Nothing that grew out of the earth could do him harm. Loki, the scheming evil deity, knew that mistletoe grew on trees, not in the ground. So he made an arrow from its sap and shot Baldur dead. When Frigg came upon him, her tears became the white berries on the mistletoe. Since she is the goddess of love, the plant gained an amorous reputation.

It wasn't until Victorian times when the tradition of kissing began. Bored servants are responsible for this. They decorated doorways with mistletoe for Christmas. Knowing the plant's romantic background, they came up with the game that a man must kiss whichever female was next to him when standing underneath. (Also, it's bad luck for a lass to refuse the gesture.) A print from 1795 showing "Saucy Joe" stealing a smooch from "Bridget the Cook" is the earliest known reference to the notion. Naturally, Charles Dickens is credited for the tradition's mass popularity. A couple ceremoniously kiss in The Pickwick Papers, written in 1837.

So there you have it! A Norse legend mixed in with a bit of Victorian nuttery equals a worldwide holiday tradition. Yet one has to wonder: In today's current, hyper-sensitive gender-equity world...how much longer will this sexist holiday tradition last? Let's face it: You can no longer pinch people for not wearing green on St. Patrick's Day. Valentine's Day card sales are plummeting. However, there is still some hope for sentimentalists: The current counter-outrage to radio stations banning the suggestive Christmas carol "Baby, It's Cold Outside."  So this holiday season, go ahead and try to steal a kiss under the old mistletoe. It could be your last chance!

DEC 8 PETA: NO MORE ANTI-ANIMAL IDIOMS

DEC 8  PETA: NO MORE ANTI-ANIMAL IDIOMS

Guess what? This week's most offensive tweet did NOT come from Donald Trump! Nope, this time the Internet is a flutter over a ridiculous tweet from the well-intended...yet often misguided...activists at PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). To explain: People support them when they lobby Congress for tighter regulation of poultry production plants. People ridicule them when they suggest outlandish ideas like this one. PETA wants to start using new, more humane, versions of common idioms: "Phrases that trivialize cruelty to animals must soon vanish." Let's begin by examining some examples of anti-animal language.

OLD: "Kill two birds with one stone."
NEW: "Feed two birds with one scone."
See how this works? One small group of people are telling the world's two billion English speakers to change how they speak. The problem is that people...in every language...prefer to use idioms for exclamation. It's boring to say. "Let's achieve two things at the same time." Instead, you use a lively phrase that dates back to Daedalus. Imprisoned in Crete, he would kill birds with a stone for their feathers. Quirky idioms just make a bolder point. And...finally...should be birds be eating scones? Baked sugar? That sounds unhealthy..

OLD: "Beat a dead horse."
NEW: "Feed a fed horse."
Here, the main idea is to stop wasting time by trying to accomplish something that is impossible. But, rather than using ten long words, we use four small ones to more graphically convey the point. That's just how language works. This idiom dates back to the 1800's when everyone got around town in a horse and buggy. It never got updated in the 1900's ('Start a broken car'?) probably because of the imagery it shows. Anyhow...again...PETA has a logic problem. Is feeding a horse that has already eaten a good idea? That sounds unhealthy..

OLD: 'Bring home the bacon."
NEW: "Bring home the bagels."
This phrase dates back to the 1100's, when the church would annually give bacon to married couples who 'demonstrated wedding bliss.' Over time, it evolved into more specific meaning. Not only can one earn enough to feed a family...but one can bring home a gourmet item like bacon. Yum. Most Americans remember the idiom from the Peggy Lee Song "I'm A Woman" and the corresponding Enjoli Perfume television commercial. At least this time, PETA doesn't have a conflicting message about anti-animal language.

As we mentioned, online reaction to the tweet has been enormous and irate. So much so, the folks at PETA felt the need to clarify matters. "This is not our primary focus by any means.." Ashley Byrne told the Washington Post. She reminded us not to take this too seriously; PETA, as always, is just "encouraging people to be kind." The lesson learned here is simple: It's always a big mistake to mess with something as sacred as English idioms. For whatever reason, people cherish them. Looks to us like PETA is 'eating crow' on this one. Oops. we mean PETA is 'eating snow' on this one.