DEC 14 WHY DO WE KISS UNDER THE MISTLETOE?

DEC 14  WHY DO WE KISS UNDER THE MISTLETOE?

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! It's the time of year when tradition makes us do things we would never do in any other month than December. We place trees inside the house. We hang socks near the fire. We wait for a magic man to slide down the chimney. Sure, we all do these activities, but have you ever wondered HOW these traditions started? Of course you do! That's why you read the DUNER BLOG. So let's tackle one of yuletide's quirkiest rituals: Kissing under the mistletoe.

First, let's examine the plant itself. Mistletoe is a parasitic species, meaning it depends on another plant for survival. Botanists have identified around 1,500 different types of mistletoe, found on six continents. What makes mistletoe unique is its ability to stay green year round. That's because it's not dependent on rainfall or good soil like other plants. It just steals nutrients and water from the host tree. In fact, its scientific name is Phoradendron, which is Greek for "thief of the tree." It's toxic to humans, but birds love it. They are the ones who spread the seeds from tree to tree.

However, it's Norse Mythology...not the Greeks...who gave mistletoe its notoriety. See, the goddess Frigg was a helicopter parent. She was sooo worried her son Baldur would harm himself in the cruel world outside, she cast a magic spell: Nothing that grew out of the earth could do him harm. Loki, the scheming evil deity, knew that mistletoe grew on trees, not in the ground. So he made an arrow from its sap and shot Baldur dead. When Frigg came upon him, her tears became the white berries on the mistletoe. Since she is the goddess of love, the plant gained an amorous reputation.

It wasn't until Victorian times when the tradition of kissing began. Bored servants are responsible for this. They decorated doorways with mistletoe for Christmas. Knowing the plant's romantic background, they came up with the game that a man must kiss whichever female was next to him when standing underneath. (Also, it's bad luck for a lass to refuse the gesture.) A print from 1795 showing "Saucy Joe" stealing a smooch from "Bridget the Cook" is the earliest known reference to the notion. Naturally, Charles Dickens is credited for the tradition's mass popularity. A couple ceremoniously kiss in The Pickwick Papers, written in 1837.

So there you have it! A Norse legend mixed in with a bit of Victorian nuttery equals a worldwide holiday tradition. Yet one has to wonder: In today's current, hyper-sensitive gender-equity world...how much longer will this sexist holiday tradition last? Let's face it: You can no longer pinch people for not wearing green on St. Patrick's Day. Valentine's Day card sales are plummeting. However, there is still some hope for sentimentalists: The current counter-outrage to radio stations banning the suggestive Christmas carol "Baby, It's Cold Outside."  So this holiday season, go ahead and try to steal a kiss under the old mistletoe. It could be your last chance!

DEC 8 PETA: NO MORE ANTI-ANIMAL IDIOMS

DEC 8  PETA: NO MORE ANTI-ANIMAL IDIOMS

Guess what? This week's most offensive tweet did NOT come from Donald Trump! Nope, this time the Internet is a flutter over a ridiculous tweet from the well-intended...yet often misguided...activists at PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). To explain: People support them when they lobby Congress for tighter regulation of poultry production plants. People ridicule them when they suggest outlandish ideas like this one. PETA wants to start using new, more humane, versions of common idioms: "Phrases that trivialize cruelty to animals must soon vanish." Let's begin by examining some examples of anti-animal language.

OLD: "Kill two birds with one stone."
NEW: "Feed two birds with one scone."
See how this works? One small group of people are telling the world's two billion English speakers to change how they speak. The problem is that people...in every language...prefer to use idioms for exclamation. It's boring to say. "Let's achieve two things at the same time." Instead, you use a lively phrase that dates back to Daedalus. Imprisoned in Crete, he would kill birds with a stone for their feathers. Quirky idioms just make a bolder point. And...finally...should be birds be eating scones? Baked sugar? That sounds unhealthy..

OLD: "Beat a dead horse."
NEW: "Feed a fed horse."
Here, the main idea is to stop wasting time by trying to accomplish something that is impossible. But, rather than using ten long words, we use four small ones to more graphically convey the point. That's just how language works. This idiom dates back to the 1800's when everyone got around town in a horse and buggy. It never got updated in the 1900's ('Start a broken car'?) probably because of the imagery it shows. Anyhow...again...PETA has a logic problem. Is feeding a horse that has already eaten a good idea? That sounds unhealthy..

OLD: 'Bring home the bacon."
NEW: "Bring home the bagels."
This phrase dates back to the 1100's, when the church would annually give bacon to married couples who 'demonstrated wedding bliss.' Over time, it evolved into more specific meaning. Not only can one earn enough to feed a family...but one can bring home a gourmet item like bacon. Yum. Most Americans remember the idiom from the Peggy Lee Song "I'm A Woman" and the corresponding Enjoli Perfume television commercial. At least this time, PETA doesn't have a conflicting message about anti-animal language.

As we mentioned, online reaction to the tweet has been enormous and irate. So much so, the folks at PETA felt the need to clarify matters. "This is not our primary focus by any means.." Ashley Byrne told the Washington Post. She reminded us not to take this too seriously; PETA, as always, is just "encouraging people to be kind." The lesson learned here is simple: It's always a big mistake to mess with something as sacred as English idioms. For whatever reason, people cherish them. Looks to us like PETA is 'eating crow' on this one. Oops. we mean PETA is 'eating snow' on this one.

NOV 30 AUTOMATED TELLER MACHINE (ATM) GIVES AWAY $100 BILLS

NOV 30  AUTOMATED TELLER MACHINE (ATM) GIVES AWAY $100 BILLS

Bank of America customers in a North Houston suburb got an early holiday gift earlier this week. An ATM (Automated Teller Machine) mistakenly began to dispense one hundred dollar bills instead of tens. Anyhow, word spread quickly over social media and dozens of folks hurried to the rogue bank machine. Soon, Harris County Sheriff's deputies stepped in to guard from any more use until it could be fixed. Although BofA hasn't stated how much money was lost, they did announce yesterday that all those who received extra cash can keep it.

We know what question you must be asking: What kind of ATM gives ten dollar bills? Only recently have American ATM's dispersed anything other than twenties. Interestingly enough, although the coveted twenty is the most used bill in the US, it comes in third place as the most dispersed currency note worldwide. Atop that list is the 50 Euro note, followed by the 100 Yuan bill. The first ever note taken from an ATM was ten pounds from Barclay's in London in 1967.

As you might have guessed...there are a gazillion ATM's worldwide. Okay, actually, it's estimated there are three million such devices on the planet. If you do the math, that means there is one ATM for every three thousand people. (The highest density is in the gambler's paradise of Macao.) They're found in stores, bars and on street corners. Somewhere on earth's seven continents, a new ATM opens up every three minutes!

Seven continents? Yep...there are two ATM's in Antarctica. They're found at the McMurdo Station, the largest science base in the South Pole. It's operated by Well's Fargo and only dispenses American money. At any given time, there are around 1,000 people there conducting research. And they need cold, hard cash! Fortunately, it's located indoors...unlike the highest-altitude ATM on earth. It's found in a roadside stop near the Khunjerab Pass in Pakistan. It's at 15,397 feet and can withstand temperatures down to -40 degrees Celsius.

Back to the ATM in Houston. While the employee responsible for loading the wrong cassette into the machine must feel horrible, at least it wasn't as bad as a similar snafu last year in nearby Corpus Christi. A bank employee inadvertently locked himself inside the machine while servicing. And...here's the terrifying part...he left his cellphone in the truck. However, he did have a low tech item that saved him: A pen. He scribbled a note on a receipt. When a customer read it, he was saved. ATMs are wacky indeed!

NOV 24 NOAH'S ARK FOUND IN IRAN

NOV 24  NOAH'S ARK FOUND IN IRAN

Big news out of the Islamic Republic of Iran this week. Bob Cornuke, president of the Bible Archeology, Search & Exploration (BASE) team, announced that there is "strong evidence" his unit has discovered the remains of the legendary Noah's Ark. It's located on the tip of Takht-e-Suleiman, a 13,120 foot high peak in Northern Iran. Although historians and scientists alike call quests to find items like the Holy Grail, the Tower of Babel and Noah's Ark 'pseudoarcheology,' Conrnake is confident he's proven the doubters wrong.

Let's review the specifics. BASE has unearthed an enormous artifact. They've found 400 foot long beam-like pieces of petrified wood. This fits the descriptions of the Ark's dimensions in the Bible. Genesis 6:14 states the Ark was constructed with "gofer wood planks, 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide and 30 cubits high." Since a cubit (an ancient unit of measurement) is about 19 inches, this means it's clearly the correct length. It also follows that it's located high on a mountain peak: The first dry land to appear near Babylon after the flood.

While these findings are impressive, BASE is hardly the first expedition to claim they've discovered the legendary Noah's Ark. The Roman Empire, under the direction of Biblical scholar Eusebius, tried in vain to locate it. A thousand years later, around 1208, Marco Polo mentions its location as parts of his journeys. On his Ark expedition, Czar Nicholas II claimed to have found "a large object as long as a city block." In the 1900's evangelical groups like BASE have taken up the cause. Yet, as James Irwin explains, "the Ark continues to elude us."

There is one place where everyone believes this new Ark discovery is complete nonsense: Armenia. According to Genesis 8:4, the Ark "came to rest on the mountains of Ararat." This 16,854 high peak is simply enormous, with parts falling into four separate nations: Armenia, Iran, Turkey and Azerbaijan. But it's most visible in Armenia, where it dominates the capital city of Yerevan. Its summit is a permanent ice cap, and the Ark is frozen inside. At least that's what the Armenian Church says, and they forbid anyone to go to the top of their sacred mountain. It's even on the national seal!

All this matters little to Bob and the BASE findings. They hope to dispel the myths surrounding Christianity and prove science wrong. See, there is no geological evidence for a gigantic flood. Nor could the earth ever produce enough water to flood itself. But a finding like this will show that Biblical events are historical events that actually occurred. While we here at the DUNER BLOG are skeptical, we salute people who chase their dreams. Bravo, BASE!

NOV 9 WHO ARE THE MOST SUCCESSFUL THIRD PARTY CANDIDATES?

NOV 9  WHO ARE THE MOST SUCCESSFUL THIRD PARTY CANDIDATES?

The final results from Tuesday's midterm elections are in. While the Senate remained mostly the same, the House of Representatives saw a host of changes. It was a banner election for women, minorities and Muslims, who smashed through stereotypes and stigmas to claim new seats. However, there was one group who was completely shut out of the House once again: Third Party candidates. Of the 435 seats in the House, absolutely zero are from political parties other than Democrat or Republican! This got us here at the DUNER BLOG wondering: What are the most successful third parties in US History?

WHIG. By far the most accomplished party, the Whigs dominated US politics from 1840 to 1860. They won two presidential elections in 1840 and 1848. Although the portraits of William Henry Harrison and Zachary Taylor aren't found on any US bills, they succeeded in forwarding important legislation. With compromise legend Henry Clay in Congress, they passed numerous Anti-Slavery laws. Also noteworthy for the Whigs was a young Representative from Illinois named Abraham Lincoln. He, like most other Whigs, joined the new Republican party when the party disbanded in 1860.

SOCIALIST. Although the slightest mention of the word 'Socialist' is political suicide today, in the early 1900's Socialism was a respected movement. They flourished on the mayoral level. Milwaukee alone had four Socialist mayors between 1910 and 1956. On the national front...however...Socialist candidates sputtered. Eugene V. Debs ran for president four times, peaking with 6% of the popular vote in 1912. Sadly, the unpopular rise of Soviet Socialism proved fatal for the party. Insane notions like equitable wealth distribution would disappear from the American political landscape forever.

GREEN. Another party with a brief moment in the spotlight was the 'earth-first' Greens. Founded by Petra Kelly in Germany in the 1980's, they championed the idea of a politician with the environment as their top priority. The movement quickly spread to the US. It peaked in the year 2000 when Ralph Nader received 3% of the vote in his second run for president. Dems blamed the Greens for Al Gore's defeat, further complicating the purpose of a third party.

PROGRESSIVE. In 1910, once close buddies Theodore Roosevelt and William Howard Taft got in a nasty spat. The result was Teddy left the Republicans and formed a new political party called the Progressives. (or the 'Bull Moose.') The two parties had similar platforms, but Progressives were adamant about getting lobbyists out of Congress. (What an outrageous idea!) Although they garnered a handful of Congressmen, the Progressive movement fizzled out after Roosevelt retired from politics in 1920.

LIBERTARIAN. This party began in 1971 in the living room of David Nolan. The Coloradan was sick and tired of big government spending his money. Soon, his grumblings gained momentum and the Libertarian Party was born. Their platform is to shrink government, broaden civil rights and to stop fighting expensive wars in countries most Americans have never heard of. It's currently the largest third party in the country, with half a million registered voters. But...as we said... none of them are in Congress.

NOV 1 BTS AND THE RISE OF K-POP

NOV 1  BTS AND THE RISE OF K-POP

In case you...like...haven't heard. The hottest Boy Band right now is totally BTS. They are favored to beat both Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez for the People's Choice Award's 'Best Artist' next weekend. The band is a regular on Jimmy Fallon and their videos have billions of YouTube views. Okay, for those of our readers who are...like...clueless on Korean Pop Music, here's a quick DUNER BLOG primer.

How did K-Pop start? Our story begins in Post-War Japan. In addition to wacky game shows and silly Godzilla movies, Tokyo also became a center for Pop Music. With teen girls as a target market, a new industry emerged. Pop idols like Yumi Matsutoya were promoted as more than just singers. She had a carefully constructed image of beauty, charm mixed with idiosyncratic lyrics. The formula worked: Yumi has sold over 42 million records. It was only a matter of time before neighboring South Korea tried the concept as well and K-Pop was born.

What does K-Pop sound like? You won't hear any acoustic guitars in this genre. Nope, this field is dominated by EDM (Electronic Dance Music). Throw in some auto-tuned vocals, a bit of Hip-Hop and you've got 'Fake Love,' BTS's first U.S. Top Ten hit. Most of the lyrics are in Korean with English words and phrases occasionally tossed in. "Told You" and "Loser" are the about all an English speakers can understand in an average K-Pop song.

What are 'Concept Bands'? Although there are a couple solo artists, the vast majority of K-Pop acts are bands. And they rarely mix genders. There are BOY bands and GIRL bands. Within each band, each member has a unique theme...just like the Spice Girls. Take the girl group 2ne1. Each singer has her own persona. CL is the 'street' rapper. Bon wears pink and is the decidedly 'good girl.' Dara is the leader and Minzy is the leather-clad rebel.

Aren't the managers controlling? The only black eye in the up-and-coming K-Pop world is the extreme system of artist management. These bands don't form in High School music class. Rather, they are the result of carefully calculated auditions. Then, trainees are selected and put through strenuous singing and dancing training. Those who are selected for a highly-marketed future must first sign intrusive contracts. Some forbid members from dating and having tattoos. All forbid smoking and drug use. Social media is strictly regulated.

Can K-Pop save the world? It's true: Record stores from Guam to Germany all have specific K-pop sections these days. Most songs are uplifting, with lyrics about love, acceptance and understanding. The guys in BTS are UNICEF ambassadors. BoA promotes Korean contemporary arts and PSY hangs out at the United Nations. Yet perhaps K-Pop's biggest influence is with neighboring North Korea. Although it is banned and listening to BTS is punishable by death, somehow people manage to hear them anyhow!

OCT 28 WORLD'S LONGEST SEA BRIDGE OPENS IN CHINA

OCT 28  WORLD'S LONGEST SEA BRIDGE OPENS IN CHINA

The date is October 7, 1910. The place is Kowloon. Gathered along the waterfront are Hong Kong's most prominent businessmen. Not surprisingly, Sir Frederick Lugard is front and center. He was the catalyst in the construction of the new railway line at this morning's opening ceremony. With his top-hat and tails, Sir Lugard makes a brief speech in front of a modest train station. Everyone smiles: For the first time, the thriving port of Hong Kong is linked to the mainland manufacturing magnet city of Canton.

The date is October 24, 2018. The place is Kowloon. Gathered along the waterfront are China's top politicians. Not surprisingly, President Xi Jinping is front and center. He was a catalyst in the construction of the new automobile bridge at this morning's opening ceremony. With his utterly drab navy blue suit, Jinping gives a brief speech. For the first time ever, Hong Kong, Macau and the mainland mecca of Canton (now called Guangzhou) are linked by roads.

However, what makes this item truly blog-worthy is the bridge itself. See, Hong Kong and Macau are separated by the enormous Pearl River Delta. The former British and former Portuguese colonies are located 34 miles apart from each other. This means the newly christened Hong Kong-Zhuhai-Macau Bridge is now the longest sea bridge in the world. (Sorry, Lake Pontchartrain Causeway...you're now #2!) This figure doesn't include the four miles of tunnel at the beginning. It's yet another staggering engineering feat accomplished by the People's Republic.

Now that the span is open to the public, the bridge will accomplish the same goal the British did a century ago: Linking the industrious Canton Province...and its 60 million people...to the industrious ports on the coast. In addition to moving commerce, the highway will help people move more quickly between the two places. Many mainlanders can now drive to the casinos of Macao and the luxury shops along Hong Kong's Nathan Road.

All of which has many Old-School Hong Kong residents concerned. They see the new bridge as yet another encroachment by the People's Republic of China into their own city's affairs. When Hong Kong was transferred from the UK to the PRC in 1997, it was supposed to remain 'untouched' for fifty years. 'One Country-Two Systems' means that Hong Kong controls its own economy, politics and judiciary. Also worrisome were the 19 people who died building the bridge. Nonetheless, the economic juggernaut known as the People's Republic continues to push forward at breakneck speed.

OCT 19 THE ARABIAN PENINSULA HAS WEALTH DISTRIBUTION ISSUES

OCT 19  THE ARABIAN PENINSULA IS A MESS

These days, it's hard to read any news website without coming across an item involving the Arabian Peninsula. From the kidnapped journalist in Saudi custody to the civilian deaths in the Yemeni Civil War to the Kardashians partying in Dubai...something happening in this land mass will be in the world's headlines. This is a recent development.  A century ago, no one cared about Arabia. The region was a forgotten piece of the dying Ottoman Empire. What changed?

Petroleum! After the Great War, the world's insatiable appetite for oil would transform the Arabian Peninsula. Well...not exactly the entire region. See, places that were blessed with petroleum reserves look different today. Instead of barren desert, the land is now covered with luxury townhouses, Prada boutiques and trendy nightclubs. The places that were NOT blessed with oil fields look the same as they did a hundred years ago: Impoverished villages with no schools or clean water. Let's examine two very different Arabian nations.

In Yemen, the per capita income is a mere $449 a year...the ninth poorest nation on earth, clocking in just below Afghanistan. You'd better not get sick in Yemen. There are only three doctors for every 10,000 people. Better not get thirsty in Yemen either. Over half of the nation's 28 million people do not have access to clean water. Better not talk politics either. As the current Civil War enters its fourth year, Yemen remains divided between three powers: The capital is in a Saudi controlled area, the coast is ruled by Iranian loyalists and ISIS oversees the land in between. Yikes!

Now let's look at Qatar. It leads all nations in per-capita income at a staggering $124,000 average. That's twice the amount Americans earn! No one lives below the poverty line. Unemployment is under 1%. There are no taxes. See what owning the world's largest natural gas reserve will do for a nation! Yet one can't wonder if Qataris have gone too far. Of the three million people who live there, only 300,000 are Qatari. The remaining 2.6 million are all guest-workers from other nations. Odd...

What makes the Arabian Peninsula such a mess? After all, Yemenis, Saudis and Qatari are all united by language (Arabic) and religion (Islam). Yet despite these enormous similarities, one trait trumps them all: One's clan. Being a Wahhabi supersedes being a Saudi. Being a Hashid is more important than being a citizen of Yemen. A hundred years ago, in his benevolent effort to unite the Arabian Peninsula into one nation, T.E. Lawrence discovered this fault. Sadly, it's still present in today's Arabia...which  continues to result in the greatest wealth disparity of any place on earth.

OCT 12 WHAT IS GERMAN UNITY DAY?

OCT 12  WHAT IS GERMAN UNITY DAY?

Last week, 'German Unity Day' was celebrated across Deutschland. A new holiday, it commemorates the incredible events of 1990. Suddenly, the Iron Curtain was lifted and the lofty dream of German re-unification quickly became a reality. Gone forever were the separate nations of East and West Germany. With lightning speed, the West German capital of Bonn relinquished the title to Berlin. Six new states were instantly admitted to the nation. Maps were hastily re-drawn. Finally, the Bundestrat passed a law proclaiming October Third as 'German Unity Day.'

Yet as German Unity Day is celebrated for the 28th time, it's hardly taken shape as a beloved national tradition. "It's not marked by a lot of pomp," explained Tuya Roth, a director at a Bonn historical museum. "It's not an occasion for joy and celebration." National polls show that 29% of Germans just plan to 'sleep in' on Unity Day. Former Chancellor Helmut Kohl liked the holiday because "there is nice weather in the fall." He always chose to spend the day outside at a picnic.

Why the ambivalence? First of all, October Third wasn't actually the natural choice. The more significant day should be November Ninth. That's when checkpoints between East and West Berlin were officially opened, ushering the public destruction of the wall between. The event received worldwide media attention and the photos are now considered iconic. HOWEVER...The events of November Ninth, 1938 overshadow those on November Ninth, 1989. That was Kristalnackt, when Berliners showed a horrible lack of humanity by destroying and burning Jewish homes and businesses. Officially, the passing of Article 23 Berlin City Council on Oct. 3rd is when the nation legally became unified, so this date was selected instead.  

Another reason for the holiday's unpopularity is the dubious fate of East/West unification. Let's face it: Forty years of Soviet isolation is difficult to overcome. As expected, after reunification, many East Germans instantly picked up and moved to the modern cities in the West. As expected, they met with resistance from the established people in the West. They called them 'Ossies" (Easties), as they were easily identified by their odd accents and strange dress. It was hard for them to find jobs and housing. Statistics show they still have lower incomes than their western counterparts....28 years later!

While no one in Europe wants to see gigantic military parades goose-stepping past the Brandenburg Gate, it would be nice to see German Unity Day become something more important than an excuse for sleeping in. However.. Let's not forget: "It's a very young national holiday" reminds Roth. "It needs to develop. I feel it will grow each passing year." She's correct. It's difficult for a nation with a history as troubled as Germany to move forward with any national pride. Hmmm...Maybe sleeping in is the best idea after all!

OCT 5 THE SIMPLE SOLUTION TO THE NFL ANTHEM DEBATE

OCT 5  THE SIMPLE SOLUTION TO THE NFL ANTHEM DEBATE

As the NFL season enters its fifth week, Commissioner Goodell has still not made a decision on the league's National Anthem Policy. Well, relax, Roger! We here at the DUNER BLOG have the solution. Instead of playing the suddenly divisive Star Spangled Banner, each team should instead play their own individual fight song. Let's play music that celebrates something everyone in the stadium can agree upon: Love of the Home Team! Here's a brief rundown of all 32 teams.

Arizona Cardinals: Cardinals are Charging. When the team moved to Phoenix, the line: 'The Pride of St. Louis' was changed to 'The Pride of Arizona.'

Atlanta Falcons: Fly High, Falcons. Fans are trying to replace this slow piece with the more up-tempo 'Rise Up' by Young Snead.

Baltimore Ravens. Baltimore Fight Song. The Colts may have moved to Indianapolis, but the Fight Song remained in the city. NOTE: The Ravens are one of two NFL teams still featuring a marching band.

Buffalo Bills: Shout. It's the Isley Brother's classic with 'Bills!' replacing 'Shout!'

Carolina Panthers. Sweet Caroline by Neal Diamond. Duh!

Chicago Bears. Bear Down. Written in 1941, it's a classic. Speaking of classics: 'The Super Bowl Shuffle' hit #31 on the Billboard Charts in 1985.

Cincinnati Bengals. Bengals Growl. Unlike others on this list, this track is still played in the stadium after every Bengals touchdown.

Cleveland Browns. Hi-O Hi-O for Cleveland. It's catchy, but it's hard not to laugh when the lowly Browns sing the line 'We're the Greatest Team in the Land."

Dallas Cowboys. Dallas Cowboys. Written by Charlie Pride, it actually hit the country charts in 1977, the peak of Cowboys prosperity.

Denver Broncos. Mile High Pride. Not very memorable, but still fits the bill.

Detroit Lions. Gridiron Heroes. Thank you, Detroit. After the National Anthem, you already play your own fight song. Bravo!

Green Bay Packers. Go! You Packers Go! The oldest of all NFL fight songs, it was written in the team's sophomore year, 1931. It's still played after every Lambeau Field extra point.

L.A. Chargers. Super Chargers. This one is tough. Everyone, including Chris Berman, loves to sing 'San Di-ego. Super Chargers.." Sadly, the acrimonious move to LA has shelved the song.

L.A. Rams. Marching Song. Another oldie without any airplay nowadays. Maybe consider bringing back the ridiculous 1980's misfire, 'Let's Ram It!'

Miami Dolphins. Fight Song. With an update from local Hip-Hop star T-Pain in 2009, this track is receiving lots of play at Dolphin Stadium.

Minnesota Vikings. Skol! Vikings! Today, the song (and toast) has been converted to a favorite stadium chant.

New England Patriots. New England, The Patriots & We. Although the team does not have an official song, this one failed so miserably it must be mentioned.

New Orleans Saints. When the Saints Go Marching In. Duh!

NY Giants. Go Big Blue. Written prior to the 1987 Super Bowl win, this song has the most basic lyrics ever.

NY Jets. Play Like a Jet. A fan favorite, this song includes the J-E-T-S chant.

Oakland Raiders. Autumn Wind. Technically a poem, it's the unknown song is the teams official song. Fans prefer Ice Cube's 'I'm a Raider.'

Philadelphia Eagles. Fly Eagles Fly. Perhaps the most well known on the list, it was played repeatedly at this year's Super Bowl Parade.

Pittsburgh Steelers. Here We Go Steelers. This tune gets updated after every Super Bowl with new player's names. It's Currently 'We Got Ben, Ready To Throw."

San Francisco 49ers. We Are the 49ers. Dating back to the Kezar days, this track needed an update. So the SF Gay Men's Choir stepped in and...well...it still sounds kinda dated.

Seattle Seahawks. Roll With It. Not exactly a motivating title for a football team!

Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Hey Hey Tampa Bay. This catchy tune was written by 'Jingle King' Jeff Arthur. He also wrote the 'When You Say Bud!' commercial.

Tennessee Titans. Houston Oilers #1. Okay... Again, a favorite song has been ruined by a move to a new city.

Washington Redskins. Hail to the Redskins. Quick answer to the obvious question: Yes, the original lyrics 'Scalp 'em for ol' Dixie' have been replaced.

SEPT 28 CHILEAN ARMY USES PUPPIES TO SOFTEN IMAGE

SEPT 28 CHILEAN ARMY USES PUPPIES TO SOFTEN IMAGE

The cutest story in the news this week involves a 'Puppy Parade' in Chile. Papers from the New York Post to the South China Post ran photos of the nine adorable Golden Retriever pups. Here's the situation: In the annual military parade through the capital, the puppies joined in with the grown police dogs. As expected, they stole the show and touched hearts worldwide.

September 19th is Chilean Independence Day. This year, the nation is celebrating 208 years since the Army of the Andes forced out a small Spanish garrison from Valparaiso. Army Day celebrations are naturally centered in the capital, Santiago. It culminates with a lavish parade. The army proudly quick-steps down the surprisingly wide Avenida de los Heroes to a grandstand drenched in flags and bunting. Here stands the president. The top general then requests permission to proceed to the Plaza de Armas. Every year, the president replies: "Permission granted sir, you may proceed."

For the first 81 years, the parade was a decidedly mellow affair. The Chilean Civil War of 1891 changed all that. During this short but bloody conflict, the Navy defeated the Army and the elected President. A hero of the affair was Prussian General Emil Korner. Although only in Chile as a military consultant, he joined the cause when the revolt suddenly erupted. His experience proved invaluable, as he transformed the motley regiments into disciplined soldiers.

After the victory, Korner was presented with the title of Brigadier General of the Chilean Armed Forces. He stayed for ten more years to continue the 'Prussianization' of the force. In short, he converted a laid-back crew of lackeys into a tightly formed regiment...just like back home in Berlin. In 1896, the troops first marched down the Avenida de los Heroes in a goose-step. Although the Reich in Germany has long since vanished, the creepy concept of Nazi precision processions is still very much alive in Chile. During the Pinochet Regime, this even rose in importance and was televised for the first time.

Sadly, the Army still holds a lot of power in Chile. Past Presidents, like Michelle Bachelet, have been hesitant to alter the cherished ceremony. That's why we here at the DUNER BLOG think the Golden Retriever puppies are a calculated maneuver by government officials. It's a way of putting a friendly face on a very unfriendly parade. It's a nice first step, but isn't it time we put an end to goose-stepping armies worldwide? Just sayin'...

SEPT 22 MACEDONIA TO VOTE ON NAME CHANGE

SEPT 22  MACEDONIA TO VOTE ON NAME CHANGE

Next Sunday, people in the European nation of Macedonia are going to the polls to vote on one of the strangest ballot measures ever: They are voting on whether to add the word 'NORTH' to the official name of the nation. While this seems like a huge waste of time of money, there is a method to the madness. Prime Minister Zoran Zaev is "confident the measure will pass" and knows it will instantly benefit his country economically.

How will changing a name be linked to economic prosperity? It's complicated. Ever since Yugoslavia broke up into five new nations in 1991, the name of the southernmost county has been problematic. See, Ancient Macedonia was an enormous province. In Roman times, it was three times the size of the present-day nation. While the third of this ancient land that ended up in Bulgaria is not an issue, the Greek section is a firestorm. Modern Greeks take their history seriously and feel threatened by any appropriate of their heritage. They have a province called Macedonia too!

So when the new nation of Macedonia became independent 27 years ago, and began to use the moniker, the Greeks called foul to the United Nations. After a debate, it was agreed by all parties to call the nation the "Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia." (FYROM). While unhappy with the decision, people in Skopje accepted it...getting into the United Nations was more important. Today, the country is facing a new challenge: Entry in the E.U. Again, Greece is blocking it. After yet even more negotiations, all agreed on a new name. The Republic of Northern Macedonia.

While a compromise is always nice, we at the DUNER BLOG can't help but feel Greece is being a bit silly about the issue. Let's go back to 404 BC. That's when the disastrous Pelopponnesian Wars ended, leaving both Athens and Sparta in ruin. Seeing an opportunity, Philip II of Macedon swooped down and conquered both city/states. Athens wasn't happy about being subservient to Macedonia. After Alexander the Great's death in 323 BC, they promptly declared their independence from their northern neighbor. Yet today, Athens is adamant about preserving the name? Hmm.

The Greek government needs to realize that times change and peoples change too. Today, a citizen of Macedonia speaks the Macedonian language, which is Slavic and not related to Greek. In the 2,350 years since Alexander the Great, a unique culture has developed in Macedonia that has little to do with Greece. However, the E.U. gives countries the power to veto a new entry, so the people of Macedonia have little choice but to change their own name....again.

SEPT 15 THE WEIRDEST 'THEME RESTAURANTS' WORLDWIDE

SEPT 15  THE WEIRDEST 'THEME RESTAURANTS' WORLDWIDE

Yesterday was an epic day for teen girls in Irvine, California. The first-ever Hello Kitty Café opened in the Golden State of California! Painted entirely in pink...inside and outside...it attracted a huge crown of girls and grown women alike. During the afternoon, the Hello Kitty Café serves pink donuts and cakes to the kids. At night, it pours bright pink 'Happy Together' cocktails to women. This got us wondering at the DUNER BLOG: What other silly themed restaurants are out there? Here are five wacky ones:

Owl Café, Tokyo. Banking on the success of the city's numerous Cat cafe's, (where diners get to pet dozens of live cats while sipping on tea), a number of similar, animal-interactive establishments have recently opened. In addition to the bunny and penguin restaurants, Owl Cafes have also sprung up. Apparently, owls are relatively tame and like to be cuddled and pet.

Hospitalis, Riga. Most people dislike hospital food. Yet somehow, this Latvian establishment manages to stay open serving it. It likely has to do with the zany atmosphere. X-rays hang on the walls. Drinks are served in test tubes. Forks and spoons are replaced by syringes and scalpels. But the real reason for its success are the waitresses dressed in slutty nurse costumes!

La Tante Royal, Accra. Most people also don't like airplane food. Yet somehow, people flock to this popular West African eatery. See, when Ghana Airlines went bankrupt in 2005, numerous planes were left idle at the Accra International Airport. Enterprising businessmen converted a DC-10 into a unique dining experience. You start in the cockpit, which is now a cocktail bar!

Opaque, Los Angeles. Pretend you're eating a delicious dinner and the power goes out. Suddenly, you cannot see your plate. Welcome to Opaque, where 'Dining in the Dark' is the theme. Waiters with night-vision goggles escort you to your table and serve your food. The courses are fixed. Because it's impossible to read a menu in the dark, you know!

O'Natural, Paris. Many restaurants have signs that say: No shirt, No shoes, No service. However, this French eatery is the complete opposite. Yep...all patrons disrobe and eat completely in the nude. Don't worry: Seat covers are changed after every meal. While this experience might be odd, this place sounds like it has the best food of the five places on the list. The fixed-price menu includes lobster, escargot, lamb and scallops. Yum!