MAY 3 R.I.P. FOR TV THEME SONGS

MAY 3 R.I.P. FOR TV THEME SONGS

One very important news item went unnoticed last week...even under my watchful eye. Last Friday, the Televison Academy announced it was removing an award from next year's EMMY BROADCAST: Main Title Songs. Yep, only a handful of TV shows have opening themes any more, so the entire category has been scrapped. Michael Schneider of VARIETY calls it: "The final nail in the TV theme song coffin." How can this be? When I was a kid, we memorized every theme song. I can still sing every line to THREE'S COMPANY or LAVERNE & SHIRLEY...can't you?

Unfortunately, we really can't blame the Academy. The real culprit here is today's amazing TV remote controls. They have thirty different buttons and can do everything from finding a channel to purchasing a car. The networks know you'll start flipping around the minute that theme music starts. So instead of an intro, stations move the viewer from one show to another as quickly as possible, WITHOUT A COMMERCIAL. In addition, many shows now start at :28 or :58 after the hour to get a two minute-jump on the other channels. They just want to slow down your trigger finger on that remote.

However, I feel the networks are making a terrible mistake. A theme song sets the tone for a show. The viewer starts singing and humming, and gets taken away to a magical place only TV can create. It could be a bar in Boston where "everybody knows your name" or a cruise ship in Mexico where "love is always exciting and new." Like Pavlov's dog, before the show starts we are already excited (and drooling) about upcoming events. BUT, the networks think we have SHORT ATTENTION SPANS and will abandon their shows unless we get murder or sex in the first thirty seconds!

Okay, in honor of theme songs, see if you can guess the following classics from one line each:

"It' s the story, of a lovely lady, who was bringing up three very lovely girls."
"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful ship."
"We're moving on up...to a deluxe apartment in the sky."
"Who can turn the world on with her smile?"
"Just some good ol' boys, never meaning no harm."

The Brady Bunch
Gilligan's Island
The Jeffersons
Mary Tyler Moore Show
Dukes of Hazard.

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