JULY 1 THREE WAYS TO REVERSE BREXIT VOTE

JULY 1  THREE WAYS TO REVERSE BREXIT VOTE

As everyone knows, Europe is engulfed in a rage of BREXIT panic. Folks on the continent are clamoring: How could the UK do this to us? Anti-England anger has reached unprecedented levels, rekindling centuries-old hate between nations. Which leaves many in Britain asking themselves: Did we make a mistake? Well, we here at the DUNER BLOG have come up with three ways Brits can, in fact, reverse the unpopular BREXIT vote:

#1. Ignore the outcome. Merriam-Webster defines 'Referendum' as a "public vote on a particular issue." Nowhere does it say a referendum is legally binding...it is merely a barometer of public opinion on a specific matter. While Britain prides itself on its democratic backbone...in reality...it is a unitary parliamentary system. Figure in the fact that most members of Parliament opposed leaving, particularly those in the House of Commons. So what if 17.4 million people voted to leave the EU? At the end of the day, elected officials make the final decision.  

#2. Scotland Veto. Back in April...months before the public vote...the House of Lords passed a resolution. It stated that any exit from the EU could only occur if it were approved by the legislatures of Wales, Northern Ireland and Scotland. While the Welsh and Northern Irish supported leaving, the Scots were overwhelmingly in favor of staying. Nicola Sturgeon, Scotland's First Minister, has hinted her government could withhold consent. This would spark a nationwide constitutional crisis...and most importantly...delay any EU exit.

#3. Another Referendum. It's not unheard of to have another vote to reverse the actions of a previous one. Decades ago, Danish voters originally voted not to join the EU. A tidal-wave of anguish and regret swallowed the tiny state. Fearful of a financial collapse, eleven months later, a new vote was held nationwide. Danes overwhelmingly sided on joining the EU. Could British voters do the same? Online petitions demanding such action have garnered 4.2 million signatures...and counting! However, pollsters show that...overall...there is little change in attitude. A new vote would likely result in the same: But who knows for sure?

What we do know for sure is that Europe is a mess right now. As daily readers of British and German tabloids, it is obvious that some serious fearmongering is taking place. (The Migrants are coming for your job and your wife!) We think it is time for some deeper thought and a change of heart. Are you reading, David Cameron??

JUNE 8 NEW SHANGHAI AMUSEMENT PARK ANGERS DISNEY

JUNE 8 NEW SHANGHAI AMUSEMENT PARK ANGERS DISNEY

This week, the DUNER BLOG travels to the Far East, where a most unusual conflict has arisen. It began when five years ago. Disney Corp...fresh off the amazing success of mega-resorts in Tokyo and Hong Kong...began constructing their sixth theme park in Shanghai. However, the wealthiest man in China, Wang Jianlin, decided to spoil the party. For the last two years, his company has frantically built a rival amusement park nearby. WANDA CITY opened last week, stealing away the excitement and revenue away from Disney CEO Bob Iger...whose park opens next weekend.

Why is Wang so mad at Walt? The answer is simple. Jailin, like many people in mainland China, deeply resents international corporations making huge profits off Chinese citizens. Indeed, the nation has a long history of fending off commercial intrusions. 500 years ago, Portuguese traders were refused entry. 300 years ago, British companies were limited to coastal ports like Hong Kong. Today, greedy American billionaires are the biggest threat to tiny Chinese salaries. In response, the Wanda Corporation is urging locals to boycott foreign-owned Disneyland Shanghai: "Five years from today, it will be unprofitable" Wang boldly predicts.

Let's compare the two theme parks. First: Admission prices. Wanda City is 198 Yuan to Disneyland's 370 Yuan...nearly twice. Inside the gates of both parks, you'll find rides and attractions surrounding a fairy tale castle. Wanda City boasts three speedy roller coasters, an enormous aquarium and shopping malls galore. Many of the features in Wanda City are eerily similar to Disneyland. Take the Twirling Porcelain Teacups ride for example. Also many of the costumed characters...who roam the park for photo opportunities...look strikingly similar to Snow White and Star Wars Stormtroopers. Hmmm..

How is Disney taking all this? Angrily, that's how! "We vigorously protect our intellectual property" quipped a spokesman, noting the company "will take action to address infringement." Legal actions in the People's Republic are difficult to pursue, but a local law firm has been hired. And attorney Wang Yingyu sees "more than a passing similarity between costumes." In response, Wang Jailin explained that some contracted stores did indeed have Snow White costumes. But nothing officially affiliated with Wanda Land had anything Disney on display.

As much as everyone cherishes their childhood memories of riding on Space Mountain or watching Donald Duck cartoons, it is important to put these in perspective. While Disney does a great job building theme parks and making movies, they did not independently conceive all of their products. Walt didn't invent Aladdin...it's an Arab folk tale. The Jungle Book, their current hit movie, is a book written by Rudyard Kipling. Sleeping Beauty's Castle...the Disney top icon of them all...borrows heavily from Neuschwanstein Castle in Bavaria. So let's cut Wanda City some slack. With 20 million people, Shanghai is big enough for two theme parks!

JUNE 2 ARGENTINE PRESIDENT WANTS BETTER U.K. RELATIONS

JUNE 2 ARGENTINE PRESIDENT RE-NEWS U.K. RELATIONS

It was a small gathering in Buenos Aires last week.. But a significant one nonetheless. Some 250 people gathered to mark the 100th anniversary of the Torre Monumental, a 60 meter tall bell tower downtown. Like the Statue of Liberty, it commemorates a century of independence. Also like Lady Liberty, it took a couple of extra years to construct, so while the rest of the nation celebrated the bicentennial in 2010, the Torre had to wait until 2016. However, what makes the event important is the benefactor of the monument: It was a gift from Great Britain, hence its familiar name: Torre de los Ingleses.

What? But those two nations hate each other! Everyone remembers the Falkland Islands War. A silly Argentine squadron temporarily occupied the remote island chain before being forcibly evicted by England's navy a month later. Headlines called it: Margaret Thatcher's Empire Strikes Back. Since then, the two nations have had frosty and turbulent diplomatic relations. Things reverted back to the negative during the Kirchner Presidencies. See, Peronists have the biggest grudge with England. In short, they use misplaced patriotism by creating an enemy.

Fortunately, a new president has occupied Casa Rosada since January. And Mauricio Marci is eager to shore up relations with Great Britain. He applauded (and perhaps organized) the birthday party for the Torre Monumental. Why? Because it makes good sense for the nation of Argentina to improve trade and commerce with a wealthy European nation. It also helps to work with the U.K. to fight the drug wars and improve security. But most importantly: President Marci knows that....although important to the Argentine psyche...the Falklands are not important for anything else. Three thousand sheepherders living on barren islands on the edges of the Antarctic Circle? Who cares?

Which brings us back to the Torre Monument. It reminds us of the time when the UK and Argentina were best buddies. In 1910, both nations were in the top ten global economies. England bought 40% of Argentina's beef and grain. Together, they built the Argentine railways...one of many joint endeavours. Just how close were the two nations? In 1914, the famed department store Harrod's opened its first ever overseas location in...you guessed it...Buenos Aires!

Buenos Aires circa 1910

We here at the DUNER BLOG applaud Argentina for taking a mature look at their strained relations with a once-close friend. The truth is both nations benefit from being friends and not enemies. We also like the resume of the new president Mauricio Marci. First, he oversaw the finances for Boca Juniors, Argentina's premier football club. Then, as Buenos Aires mayor, he overhauled public transport, adding the MetroBus lines that are so successful in Mexico City and Los Angeles. Now...four months into the presidency...he is applying this same forward thinking to foreign policy. Bravo!

MAY 26 LEICESTER CITY'S EPL CHAMPIONSHIP SHATTERS RECORDS

MAY 26 LEICESTER CITY'S EPL CHAMPIONSHIP SHATTERS RECORDS

Normally, the DUNER BLOG doesn't venture into sports. However...as one staff member pointed out...Leicester City's sensational win is more about math than athletics. The Foxes smashed their way into the record books. See, no professional sports team in any sport has ever played 132 seasons and NOT won a championship. Also, no one saw this coming! Back in September, when the English Premier League began play, Leicester was picked to finish at the bottom, as 5,000-1 to win! OK: Let's break their phenomenal season down:

THE ULTIMATE LONG SHOT. In the last century, only a handful of professional sports teams have come close to beating such ridiculous opening day odds and gone on to win a championship. The 1969 Miracle Mets opened that season having never finished above ninth in the ten-team National League. Punters gave them 500-1 odds to win it all...and they did! Likewise, the Minnesota Twins had the same odds to win the franchise's only World Series title in 1987. The St. Louis Rams went from worst-to-first in 1999, overcoming 300-1 odds. In soccer, the 2004 Greek squad was 150-1 to win the UEFA tourney and did so. In short, this doesn't happen often.

HAVES & HAVE-NOTS. The English Premier League is a lot like Major League Baseball: There are no salary-caps. This means teams can spend as much as they want on players' salaries. Not surprisingly, big-city markets dominate because they generate more revenue. The New York Yankees have won 27 World Series and out-spent all other teams each time to do so. Likewise, teams from London and Manchester have won all but one EPL title since 1992. Again, tiny Leicester (Population: 300,000) is clearly the David slaying a Goliath.

WHO ARE THESE GUYS? Of the twenty teams in the EPL, Leicester ranked 17th and spent a total of £48 million on players' salaries. Compare this to Chelsea, the top-spending team, who dished out a whopping £216 million...nearly five times more. So the heads of Leicester tried really hard to find players who were talented...yet still unknown. Enter Riyad Mahrez, a sub on the Algerian National Team. Then there's Jaimy Vardy who was playing for Fleetwood Town (no relation to the band) before being snatched up. His 15 goals this season lead the team.

THE PAYOUT. Meet Leigh Herbert. He's a 39 year-old carpenter and Leicester City season ticket holder. Every year, he casually drops £5 on his hometown team to win, regardless of the odds. When he slapped down the banknote last year, with 5,000-1 odds, he did so more out or routine than out of hopes of actually winning. Guess what? He proudly claimed £25,000 earlier this week. Betting agency William Hill reported only 24 others in the world also placed a bet. One of these is Tom Hanks! (Although he has yet to show the world the betting slip.)

THE FUTURE ISN'T BRIGHT. The case of Leicester City is clearly a reminder of why professional sports leagues need Salary Caps. In the case of Mahrez, his value went up eightfold to nearly £15 million per season. Team across Europe are licking their chops to snatch him away because Leicester cannot afford to re-sign him. However, in the NBA, where salary caps are in place, a tiny-market franchise in Oklahoma City is one win away from the finals. They made it three years ago, and managed to keep their star players intact, thanks to the salary cap.

But for the time being...live it up Big Time in the Midlands: The Leicester City Foxes are champs!

MAY 19 UKRAINE WINS EUROVISION CONTEST

MAY 19 UKRAINE WINS EUROVISION CONTEST

The results are in from Stockholm! The winner of EURO-VISION 2016 is: **JAMALA!** She's a feisty young Tartar representing Ukraine. (Real name: Susana Jamaladinova) With jet-black hair and a piercing smile, her pop music future looks bright. Her song, 1944, refers to the year Stalin forcibly removed 200,000 ethnic Tartars from beautiful Crimea to dusty Central Asia. And...it just so happens...that Jamala's great grandmother was one of those unlucky people. It wasn't until 1980 that they were allowed to return. So...instead of just winning Eurovision...Ukraine also got to roust rival Russia too. Wow!

OK: American readers must be confused. Let's start with the Eurovision Contest. It's half American Idol and half Olympics: A song contest where each nation sends one pop star to represent. It dates back to 1956, when seven nations sent singers to Lugano, Switzerland. Since then, it has steadily grown, adding new nations almost every year. Things peaked in 1974, when an unknown foursome from Sweden named ABBA won. (NOTE: Their hit, 'Waterloo' also had historical overtones.)  To summarize: Eurovision is a feel-good event celebrating the wonders of pop-disco on a level unfathomable to most Americans.

Well...everyone feels good until politics get involved. A huge shift in emotions occurred in 1991 when the Iron Curtain fell. Instantly, a dozen new nations thrust themselves into the competition. Some were accepted with open arms by the established powers: Macedonia triumphed in 1998 and Estonia won a year later. However, other states (Russia) were only reluctantly invited. That's too bad, because Moscow produces good pop music. This year's entry Sergey Lazarev was the early on Ladsbroke favorite. But when voters heard Ukraine's melodic swipe at Russia, they were swayed. Putin spokesperson Maria Zakharova snipped: "Next year, just sing about Syria, Assad and blood. You will win."

See? That's not feel-good at all! Let's get back to why Eurovision garners so much attention. This year's installment tallied 200 million viewers worldwide. They tune in to the week-long showcase to see the over-the-top splendor. They love the insane on-stage pyrotechnics, jaw-dropping little black dresses and crazy costumes that would make Lady GaGa proud. Also, the vast majority of the songs are not political ballads, but silly pop songs about joy, love and flowers. And it's the only time a little country like Luxembourg can rise to the top: They are tied for the all-time lead with four crowns!

Which brings us back to Jamala: The little Ukrainian who could. She returned home to Kiev a conquering heroine. A ticker-tape parade of powder-blue and yellow confetti showered her as she arrived at the airport. But winning Eurovision comes with a catch: Your nation must host next year's event. Can the war-torn nation scrap it together? The snarky Putin spokesperson doesn't think so. She quipped: "Ukraine has hole in budget." C'mon, Maria! This isn't the Olympics, World Cup or even a Super Bowl. Armenia pulled it together two years ago... Kiev has got this covered. We say: YAY! JAMALA!

MAY 10 DONALD TRUMP'S MOST EMBARRASING CAMEOS

MAY 10 DONALD TRUMP'S MOST EMBARRASING CAMEOS

Over the weekend, the DUNER BLOG staff watched some retro television: Carson's final episode on the Tonight Show. Robin Williams, Johnny's last guest, suggested the popular host should run for president. "You can beat those bozos, Clinton and Bush," Williams chided. To which, Carson sheepishly replied: "No way! The insipid media would find something in my past and I'd be ruined." Which got us thinking: Why hasn't today's insipid media been more vocal about Trump's embarrassing past?

#7. DA 'ALI G' SHOW: A master of pranks, Sasha Baron Cohen's short lived phony talk show was a big hit a decade ago. The premise is to dupe famous people into an interview...only to discover the host is reality a mean-spirited comedic actor. After discussing why the billionaire wouldn't invest in Ali G's disposable gloves to protect your hands from melting ice cream cones, the Donald stood up and walked out.

#6. ZOOLANDER: As everyone knows, the Donald has a penchant for super-models: He's married two of 'em! But who knew Trump also has a hankering for dimwitted male fashion models like Ben Stiller? That doesn't seem very presidential to us here at the DUNER BLOG staff.

#5. SEX AND THE CITY. One of the most popular TV shows in the 1990's featured a foxy foursome of single women on the loose in Manhattan. A cameo on the hot sitcom was a must for any egotistical New Yorker, so naturally the Donald strutted in. His first of two minor roles was a as a 'wingman' on a double date with debutante Kim Catrall.

#4. THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR. Another hot show in the 1990's showcased the talented rapper-turned-actor Will Smith. His character was a teen transplanted from the inner-city to the wealthy community of Bel-Air. Did someone say 'Wealthy?' Enter the Donald again. This time, he brought his (then) wife Marla Maples.

#3. THE VIEW. These days, the fearsome foursome of daytime TV are in full-on attack mode on all things Trump. In addition to his misogynist statements, the gals also love mock his terrible hair. However...way back in 2006...Elizabeth Hasslebeck and the others were all smiles. The hosts told Trump how much they loved his hotel and casinos and lauded his business savvy.

#2. HOME ALONE 2. Again, one must question Donald Trump's judgement. It's very bad when it comes to movies and TV...so let's just hope it's improved when it comes to important issues like Foreign Policy. Back to Home Alone 2: While the original film had its moments, anyone could tell the sequel would bomb. Not Donald! Here's the scene: Macaulay Culkin gets lost again; this time it's in a luxury NYC hotel. Enter Trump who gives the tot directions around the Plaza lobby. Hilarious!

#1. WRESTLE MANIA #23. In the USA, professional wrestling is nothing like the sport in the Olympics. Instead of being about athletic prowess, it centers on phony falls and goofy costumes. Overly staged bouts usually culminate with someone getting smacked by a folding chair. Twenty years ago in Detroit things got particularly wacky. WWE Commissioner Vince McMahon lost a wager and had to have his head shaved by Donald Trump.

We ask you, America: Do you want think this list is what Johnny Carson would consider PRESIDENTIAL?

MAY 4 KENYAN IVORY PYRE IS THE LARGEST EVER

MAY 4 KENYAN IVORY PYRE IS THE LARGEST EVER

The President of Kenya desperately wants your attention!! No, he's not asking for famine assistance...that plague seems to have temporarily left. No, he's not worried about the ethnic civil wars...they too seem to be on hiatus. However, together, these two crises means that over the last decade, 80% of the nation has drifted away from government control. And no one loves a lack of authority more than evil poachers. And they've gone completely berserk. Today, an African elephant is killed every fifteen minutes for its tusk, an all-time high.

So...to show the world just how bad it has gotten...President Uhuru Kenyatta gathered up all the ivory his army has confiscated recently as it re-gains swaths of territory. Next, the contraband was carefully stacked into enormous piles: Ten feet high and twenty feet across. Finally, it was all set ablaze. Never in the history of humankind has 1.5 tons of ivory ever been burned before. All toll, it represents the 8,000 elephants who died. In case you're wondering: The Black Market value is $172 million. That's much more than Kenya's Forestry & Wildlife budget. So, the question arises...Why not sell the ivory?

"From a Kenyan perspective, we're not watching our money go up in smoke," explained Director Kitili Mbathi. "The only value of ivory is the tusks on a living elephant." To better illustrate the sentiment, the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust figures that one live elephant generates 76 times more revenue from tourism than from ivory sales. We're not sure how they came up with that calculation, but the point is the made: Americans don't sell seized heroin, so Kenyans don't sell seized ivory. The message President Uhuru wants you to hear is: 'Wake up, World! Africa needs help preserving your favorite endangered species.'

See, President Uhuru (Swahili for 'freedom) must be confused by the West when it comes to pachyderms. Although they aren't found in Europe or the Americas, they appear everywhere in popular culture. Brits are always talking about the Elephants in their rooms. French children love to read about Babar and Americans never stop watching 'Dumbo' on DVD. Kenyans want you to stop clutching your pretend elephants and take some interest in the actual, living animals. "I doubt whether my grandchildren will actually be able to see a wild elephant," quipped a Sheldrick conservationist.

Let's face the ugly truth: The rest of the world loves to ruthlessly extract Africa's natural resources for their own gain: Ivory, slaves, rubber, diamonds, copper, oil...you name it. It began in the 1300's when Omani traders from Asia took over Africa's Eastern shores. A century later, Portuguese sailors began claiming all of the Atlantic coastline. As evidenced by the piles of carved ivory figurines, the pillaging continues today. To solve this global problem, the DUNER BLOG proposes the first ever worldwide tariff. We demand each of the world's 1,645 billionaires pay a 2% AFRICA TAX. Funds will carefully go to issues like resource preservation. NOTE: This tax includes the 24 African billionaires. They account 1% of the total billionaires worldwide. Remember: Africa has 18% of the world's population.