MAY 28 SHOE CONTROVERSY AT CANNES FILM FESTIVAL

MAY 28 SHOE CONTROVERSY AT CANNES FILM FESTIVAL

Tragedy struck the seaside town of Cannes in the south of France last week. It occurred at the annual, prestigious Film Festival. It's hard to believe, but many actresses were denied entry to the Red Carpet for NOT WEARING HEELS. Naturally, the entire film industry is unified in grand protests. War is being waged on all fronts: Social Media, Talk Shows and Tabloid Interviews. Confused? Well, we were at the DUNER BLOG have all the information you need!

Trouble began on Friday afternoon when Valeria Richter (a movie producer) was stopped by security. She was informed her flat shoes were unacceptable, and that guests are expected to wear heals. Fortunately, she had a great reason for the faux pas. One of Valeria's toes has been amputated, and she can only wear specially made footwear. She explained this to the gendarmes, and was allowed in. Other ladies weren't as fortunate and were turned away from the premiere. "Go buy some appropriate shoes and come back" they were rudely instructed.

As expected, the upper classes have responded with widespread outrage. Other festivals, like SWSX and the Sundance have clarified their policies regarding footwear: Flats are welcome in Austin and Aspen! "I think everyone should wear flats," exclaimed actress Emily Blunt...despite the fact she was wearing four inch pumps at the time. However, our favorite protest came from 'Goonies' star Josh Brolin. He vowed to wear pink pumps to his premiere! (No word yet on whether he followed through on the Tweet.)

In an attempt to quell the rioters, the Cannes Film Festival issued a statement . While there is no specific language about the specific height a heel should be, they claim that "Formal Dress" means no flats. "Hosts and hostesses on the Red Carpet were reminded to enforce this policy." While we agree that Dress Codes are often arbitrary and difficult to enforce, we must remember that the Men have it much tougher: Tuxedo Only. Try wearing open-toed sandals with a tux!

Finally, leave it to one overly wealthy celebrity to blow everything out of proportion. Actress Salma Hayak used the "sexist ban on flats" to raise awareness about women's rights in movies.  She saw 'Shoe-Gate' as an opportunity for ladies to be viewed on equal footing with men.  "The only kind of movie where women make more money than men is the porno industry," she quipped. Cálmate, Salma! YOU'RE the one who dresses like a Porn Star! In summary, readers: Just remember: If you are ever going to an event in France or Italy; Up Your Fashion Game. These nations take clothes and shoes very seriously.

MAY 22 NBA PLAYOFFS: FIVE THINGS GOING WRONG

MAY 22 NBA PLAYOFFS: FIVE THINGS GOING WRONG

The NBA Playoffs are in full swing, and we here at the DUNER BLOG are glued to our TVs and laptops in eager excitement. It seems every game has a 20 point comeback capped with an insane buzzer-beat as time expires. However, there are a few items that just drive us crazy...

HACK-A-SHAQ. In every sports, there is always some way a coach can tinker with the rules to their advantage. In soccer, players fake injuries to stop play. In football, coaches call a timeout the split second a kicker approaches the ball. In basketball, a coach will intentionally foul a poor free throw shooter. The logic is: He misses 70% of the time, thus turning the ball over. (It was famously done to Shaquille O'Neil, hence the term.) It's an effective...but boring...way to win a game. There were 96 combined free throws in the LA - Houston Game Two. Stop it!

OFFICIAL REVIEWS  In the last two minutes of NBA games, the officials can consult a TV monitor, and examine the instant replay to insure they got the call right. This sounds like a great idea, but it needs some fine tuning. The last two minutes is the best part of the game. But then...suddenly...everything stops. Instead of watching amazing slam dunks, all eyes are watching three old men huddle around a monitor. Sometimes, it just better to let the human eye determine when a basketball hits the rim. Just ask Washington's Paul Pierce! His game-winner was overturned on the slimmest of margins.

COACHES BEHAVING BADLY. In America's celebrity-driven culture, the role of an NBA Head Coach has expanded beyond control. Gone are the sweat-shirts and visors. Today, Armani suits are the norm. Gone are the calm, collective coach who sits during action. Today, coaches strut up and down the sidelines, verbally abusing players and refs alike. When these egomaniacs don't get enough attention, the stroll on to the floor during play. This is a clear violation...but the refs are likely too intimidated to call it.

MOUTHGAURDS COVERED IN SPIT. For the first 100 years of basketball, no one used a mouthguard; a plastic piece designed to protect your teeth and tongue. However, with all the flying elbows, it's a good chance your chin could get smacked, so wearing one is a safe and sound plan. Fair enough. But when the ball is not in play... What do you do with your mouthguard? A basketball jersey has no pockets. Hence, most players just have it hang off their lower lip, dripping saliva all over their chin. Yuck!

NO SMILES AFTER WINNING SHOTS. Of the twenty eight playoff games so far, an astounding 18% have ended with a buzzer-beating shot. Like the walk-off home run in baseball, the hero is often jubilantly mobbed by teammates immediately afterwards. But don't expect to see a bright, Magic Johnson ear-to-ear smile from today's NBA stars. Just like Kanye West, these guys think smiling is UNCOOL. LeBron just looked menacing after his game winner against the Bulls. Derrick Rose had an expression on his face like he'd just stepped in dog poo. C'mon guys! Celebrate good times!

NOTE: This blog has been forwarded to NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. Expect instant changes.

MAY 14 TOP TEN CITIES DESTROYED IN DISASTER MOVIES

MAY 14 TOP TEN CITIES DESTROYED IN DISASTER MOVIES

On May 29th, the disaster flick SAN ANDREAS will come rolling into a theater near you. What's it about? C'mon.. You know! It's about a massive earthquake of biblical proportions. And the only one who can save California is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. (Boring!) Anyhow, the upcoming movie prompted debate at the DUNER BLOG headquarters. We wanted to know: Which cities have been destroyed the most in the movies?

#10 ROME. The Eternal City comes in tenth place because most of Rome's recognizable monuments are already in ruins. What fun is blowing up crumbling rocks? The one exception is: Vatican City. In the 2012 flick The Core, director Jon Amiel implodes St. Peter's square in an epic, slow-motion sequence.

#9. CHICAGO. The Windy City has friendly people, and good people don't normally die in movies. Everyone loves to see nasty New Yorkers and rich Beverly Hills people get killed, but those nice folks in Chicago are a different story. Nonetheless, downtown was completely obliterated by Mega-Tron in Transformers 3.

#8. LAS VEGAS.  While blowing up the Vegas Strip would appeal to many frustrated gamblers, it actually doesn't happen much in the movies. Sin City's proximity to Area 51 has resulted in a couple of cinematographic alien attacks, but we like the ample decimation of the casinos in Resident Evil: Extinction the best.

#7. PARIS. As a popular destination for young American lovebirds, Paris appears in numerous blockbusters. A couple of times, things turn surprisingly ugly for the tourists on their vacations. Evil gargoyles take flight in V is for Vendetta and zombies eat the Eiffel Tower in 28 Weeks Later.

#6. WASHINGTON DC. For a long time, it was taboo for filmmakers to destroy treasured American institutions like Capitol Hill or the Lincoln Memorial. In the 1950's, such actions were illegal according to the McCarthy Hearings. That all changed in 1996, when director Roland Emmerich famously pierced the White House with a blue alien laser in the thriller Independence Day. BOOM!

#5. LONDON. Unlike Rome, this capital is blessed with numerous proud, recognizable landmarks that are cool to destroy. St. Paul's Cathedral was imploded dramatically in Reign of Fire. Enemies of G.I. Joe take out Big Ben and Parliament. However, it is the recent Harry Potter movies who have helped London take the #5 spot. We like the Millennium Bridge sinking into the Thames in the Half Blood Prince. 

#4. SAN FRANCISCO. According to our research, the majestic Golden Gate Bridge is the single most destroyed monument in the movies. It was saved by the Enterprise in Star Trek IV, the X-Men villains tear it down...even cartoon characters stomp it to bits in Monsters vs. Aliens. The rest of San Francisco remains fairly unscathed, except for the pretend skyscraper in 1974's The Towering Inferno.

#3. TOKYO. There are 28 Godzilla movies, and Tokyo goes down in each of them! While these crude, cardboard models look silly today, these iconic, black and white images of a monster destroying a city helped define what Monster Disaster flicks are supposed to be.

#2. LOS ANGELES. Of course L.A. is gonna get blown up the most...It's where all the movies are made! Hence, the City of Angels holds the distinction of being destroyed in the most different manners. It was scorched by lava in Volcano, hit by aliens in Terminator 2, burned to a crisp in Skyline and flooded in Dragon Wars. So it should be able to handle the upcoming quake in San Andreas...right?

#1. NEW YORK CITY. Watching the 1933 movie King Kong seems horribly dated today. But when it came out in 1933 it shattered box office records, thus becoming the first Blockbuster. New York became the top location for comic book superheroes, which is paying off in spades today. In fact...it's hard to turn on the TV and not see the Big Apple being blown to bits!

MAY 6 ANGELINA JOLIE'S U.N. ADDRESS WAS TRIUMPHANT

MAY 6 ANGELINA JOLIE'S U.N. ADDRESS WAS TRIUMPHANT

Normally, when celebrities are named as "Goodwill Ambassadors" for an organization or charity, we here at the DUNER BLOG are skeptical. It just seems like a silly ploy aimed at garnering sacred media coverage for the cause. However, after reading the text of ANGELINA JOLIE's speech at the UN last week, we are re-considering our stance. She flat out accused the United Nations of sitting by whilst innocent civilians died.
Here are five quotes of particular note:

"We cannot look at Syria and not see the evil that has arisen from the ashes of indecision."
Maleficent is right. After the Arab Spring erupted in Tunisia and Egypt, many believed that Syria would be the next nation to join the movement. When arrogant President Bashar al-Assad began tear gassing protesters in 2011, we posted a blog calling for his ouster. Nothing happened. Since then, the nation has spiraled out of control, giving birth to the worst movement in the new millennium: ISIS.

"With 220,000 Syrians dead, this is a low point in the world's inability to protect the innocent."
Lara Craft, Tomb Raider is correct. This year, the United Nations celebrates its Seventieth birthday. While it succeeds in many of its lofty goals, it often fails to act decisively in humanitarian crises. Rather than unite governments to solve problems, it splits them into infinite numbers of subcommittees. As endless debate in New York City drags on for four years, a quarter of a million people have perished.

"It is sickening to see thousands of refugees drowning on the doorstep of the world's wealthiest continent"
Master Tigress is on the nose again. This time, she is tackling the recent spate of boat people in the Mediterranean Sea. Over the last month, numerous rag-tag rafts have sank, drowning the hopeful refugees bound for Italy. Surely, wealthy Europe can come up with a more humanitarian method for dealing with this crisis. Even apprehending and deporting people is better than letting them drown!

"There is no shame in being a survivor of sexual violence; the shame is on the aggressor."
Mrs Jane Smith is right as rain! From Afghanistan to Somalia, civil wars have torn apart societies. In these areas, there is "no law, no protection and not even the hope of justice." In these desperate regions, the ugly condition known as 'War-Zone Rape' has been prevalent. It is a crime that thrives on silence and denial. Sadly, it has appeared in every army involved, including US and NATO troops.

"The destiny of human rights is in the hands of all of our citizens and all our communities."
OK! Actually, Angelina paraphrased Eleanor Roosevelt in her address...and why not?  Hers is a message that cannot be repeated enough. By ignoring the plight of the innocent in Syria, we are sending a scary message: Go ahead and crudely behead innocent people and broadcast it on the Internet. There will be no recourse from the rest of the world!

Alright. After such an eloquent yet brash appraisal of the situation in his homeland, you would think the Syrian Ambassador to the United Nations would have an equally articulate reply. Wrong! Mr. Bashar Jafari just gazed at Angelina Jolie in her silk blazer with matching skirt and pumps and gushed: "You're Beautiful!" Which puts us RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED. During Ms. Jolie's speech, Mr. Bashar was likely thinking of the movie star (See photos) and not her message.

APRIL 29 NEW ZEALAND STRUGGLES TO CULL PESTS

APRIL 29 NEW ZEALAND STRUGGLES TO CULL PESTS

Things have been downright peculiar in New Zealand lately. Let's recap: Earlier this month, Kiwis celebrated Easter Sunday in their own, unique way: By killing bunnies. Yep, the 18th Annual Great Easter Bunny Hunt in Central Otago netted a record 14,799 rabbits. Then...earlier this week...another disturbing story came from the South Island. National Park officials announced the release of the deadly 1080 Poison and the successful culling of countless opossums, mice and other rodents. That's a lot of death for April!

Why so much anger towards little critters? Basically, modern-day New Zealanders are attempting to solve an age-old problem that has plagued the island nation for centuries. Ever since the first settlers arrived in 1769, they brought pests with them. Prior to this year, no mammals never inhabited the remote islands. ( OK! There are two tiny bat species, no native animals whatsoever!) Hence, the place was heaven for European rodents. With no cats and dogs for competition, they ate everything in sight.

Let's fast-forward a bit. Nowadays, the rodents on New Zealand have gone completely berserk. They are threatening a number of beloved indigenous bird species, which are found only in New Zealand. These include the Fairy Tern, the Kakapo, the Taiko and the White Heron. That's why Kiwis decided to release toxic poisons in their National Parks. It will kill the rodents but not the birds. It's hard to believe government and environmentalists signed off on such a crazy idea...But they did. All three national political parties, the Animal Health Board and...even the Maoris think it's a good idea to play God again with their habitat.

Which brings us to the massive Easter Bunny Hunt. If you're imaging hundreds of New Zealanders dressed like ELMER FUDD, you're not too far off! Here's the schedule: First, the hunters are grouped into 35 teams of six. They all have silly names like the Hair Raising Mutineers, Anti Pesto and the Cunculus Terminators. Then, they are randomly assigned plots of infested land to hunt. At the end of the day, dead bunnies are lined up in rows, and counted by officials. Finally, one lucky group is called the Winner!

While we aren't too sure about their methods, we here at the DUNER BLOG do applaud their effort. See, folks from one continent have ruined just about every other continent. In California, we are attempting to replace the eight million non-native Eucalyptus trees that have taken over every state park. Canadian Beavers are ruining Argentine rivers and destroying vast swaths of forests. Meanwhile, the South American Hyacinth continues to flourish in Africa's Lake Victoria. Trying to correct these mistakes isn't easy, but it must be done.

APRIL 24 CHINA TO REBUILD SILK ROAD HIGHWAY

APRIL 24 CHINA TO REBUILD SILK ROAD HIGHWAY

This week's blog comes to us fron high in the Hindu Kush Mountains. Specifically, the Pakistani capital of Islamabad. The occasion? An official state visit from Chinese President Xi Jinping. While such meetings happen every day... THIS ONE was extra special. Fighter planes blazed through the sky, camels were decorated with extra tassels and every lamppost from the airport to the palace had Xi's smiling face attached to them. Yep.. This was no ordinary state visit.

Why all the pomp and circumstance? Well, you would be excited too.. If you were getting $46 billion dollars! Yep, China is pouring cash into neighboring Pakistan. Here's the agreement: The funds will go into specific projects designed to improve the country's crumbling infrastructure. For example, the Indus Highway (the main North / South artery) will be overhauled into a modern Interstate freeway. Other items include upgrading train lines, oil pipelines, electricity and even a Lahore subway!

Our readers are pondering: Has the People's Republic gone mad? What's in it for them? True, it is more than just a nice gesture. At the heart of the deal is the 100 mile international border between the two Asian giants. Here's you'll find fabled Kashmir (the region, not the Led Zeppelin song) and some of the highest mountain passes in the world. At a staggering 15,397 feet, the Khunjerab Pass connects Pakistan and China. Soon, a four-lane highway, high speed railways and oil and gas pipelines will be build, thus connecting Beijing to the Arabian Sea overland!

Whoops! We got ahead of ourselves. Today, the man-of-the-hour is definitely Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif. Basically, he raised $46 billion to rebuild the infrastructure of his population-challenged nation without raising taxes. However.. It does come with a catch. Although Chinese capital and corporations will fund and oversee matters, Pakistan still needs to provide manual labor and insure political stability in historically hostile areas. In addition to Kashmir, an insurgency in Baluchistan promises to disrupt construction.

For the time being,We here at the DUNER BLOG celebrate Pakistan and their new-found fortune. We are not alone. Even arch-rival India thinks a poor Pakistan is a bad idea. Insurgency breeds in the slums. The US has also supported the measure. After all, it is an aid program and not a military one. As usual, Chinese interests are centered on commerce. Finally, it is ironic that the Silk Road is back in the news. Marco Polo would be so proud..

APRIL 15 KARDASHIAN BABY BAPTIZED IN JERUSALEM

APRIL 15 KARDASHIAN BABY BAPTIZED IN JERUSALEM

Finally some GOOD NEWS from the Holy Land! Last Saturday, three very fabled people descended upon Jerusalem. Known the round the world, the family's pilgrimage ended in the Armenian Quarter old the Old City. It was here that the blessed Mother Kim Kardashian, her husband Kanye (Jeezus) West brought their sacred daughter to receive her baptismal rights. Finally, a shooting star flashed across the night sky. The star would forever be called the NORTH STAR after the blessed child.

Oops! We got a bit carried away. To re-cap: Why are Kimye in the Middle East? Well, as everyone knows, the world's most famous family has direct Armenian roots. Specifically, Kim' Kardashian's great-grandparents fled to the USA just months before the horrific Turkish genocide in 1915. In true rags-to-riches fashion, they have never stopped climbing the American social ladder. These days, the family is so wealthy, they decided to have their youngest member baptized in the holiest of Armenian churches as a spiritual pledge to their heritage.

We here at the DUNER BLOG also applaud Kim & Kanye for their choice to visit the Holy Land. It showed courage! See, 2015 is a bad year for tourism in Israel. The number of visitors to Jerusalem dipped 48% from last year, which is already at a 30-year low. Yet despite the conflict elsewhere in the Middle East, the Israeli capital is one of the few places on earth where Jews, Christians and Muslims all get along.

See, Jerusalem's Old Town is divided into four sects. The Jewish Quarter houses the Western Wall and the Temple Mount. The Christan Quarter is home to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, where Jesus was crucified. The largest Quarter is the Muslim. Finally, there is the Armenian Quarter. The smallest and youngest. It dates from 400AD, when the mountainous Kingdom officially adopted Christianity. The four distinct groups all co-habituate the Old City together.

Back to the Armenian Quarter. At it's heart is the famed Cathedral St. James. This venerable building has survived over a thousand years of turbulent times. Violent crusades, voracious jihads, vicious aerial and suicide bombings have all come and gone. All the while, the cathedral has served as a vital link between Jerusalem and Armenia, 500 miles to the North.

We're not sure if Kim and Kanye know all this history, but we here at the DUNER BLOG wanted to point it out! We also encourage everyone to try to see the Middle East for its treasures. They are worth fighting for!