NOV 4 TOP TEN SILLIEST NATIONAL FLAGS

NOV 4 TOP TEN SILLIEST NATIONAL FLAGS

Last Wednesday, New Zealand's Prime Minister JOHN KEY made it official: His nation will vote next year on a referendum to change their flag. He wants to ditch the Union Jack and replace it with a fern leaf, which "better reflects our status as a modern, independent nation." (Psst: We heard that the PM was overheard on a flight mention that he is sick of hearing how similar New Zealand's flag is to Australia's.) But whatever his motivation, we here at the DUNER BLOG salute Mr. Key. It's always great to question national flags, anthems and coats-of-arms. Here are ten other flags that also need replacing:

BELIZE.  This looks more like an album cover for THE VILLAGE PEOPLE than a national flag. Even the national motto songs like a pop song: 'Sub Ambra Florea' is Latin for 'I flourish in the Shade.' Also confusing is the cricket paddle. How can you play cricket under a tree?

BOSNIA. Introduced in 1998, this flag has a political agenda. Bosniaks, Croats and Serbs are united as the three sides of the yellow triangle. In hopes of becoming more than just a 'potential candidate country,' the shade of blue is exactly the same as the shade on the EU flag. The stars are meant to be "infinite in number," meaning there can be many more EU members coming...

CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC.  When President Boganda unveiled this flag in 1958, he explained the symbolism. "France and Africa march together" is the theme, so the French tri-color is included with African green (hope) and yellow (tolerance). The vertical red stripe symbolizes "the blood people will spill to protect the nation." Yuck!

KYRGYZSTAN.  Although it looks like a giant volleyball, the center of the Kirghiz flag is actually the sun. The stripes are a 'stylized representation of a yurt dwelling.' You'll notice exactly forty rays of sunlight to acknowledge the forty tribes that united to defeat the Mongols in the 1300's.

MOZAMBIQUE. Did the guys from Grand Theft Auto design this flag? Well...to clarify...the AK-47 is meant to symbolize the defense of the African nation. The book represents education, the hoe is for agriculture and the star is for Marxism. Together, they make up the most gansta flag in the world.

NEPAL.  Trivia time! The only non-rectangular national flag in the world is Nepal. See, the triangles reflect the Himalayas. A blue border of peace frames the sun and the moon. Like Nepal, they will be around forever. Unfortunately, when the Nepalese flag blows in the wind, it looks like vandals ripped it to shreds.

ST. LUCIA.  Once you understand that the blue is the ocean and the two triangles represent the twin volcanoes on the Caribbean island nation, this flag makes sense.  To those who do not know this tidbit, this flag looks more like the Star Trek Enterprise insignia. Or maybe SPECTRE from the James Bond movies?

SWAZILAND. A proud shield and sharp spears show strength and protection against enemies. The black and white color scheme means that black and white people can live together in Swaziland. Finally, the three royal tassels are 'tinjobos' or royal seals. We feel sorry for Swazi elementary school kids on Arts & Craft Day when they have to draw this complicated mess!

TURKMENISTAN. Sorry, Swaziland, but the world's most intricate flag comes from Turkmenistan. The five carpets on the left are from the five main tribes of the Central Asian nation. The wreath hints at their harmony together. While the idea is admirable, the blur of this colorful flag when waving in the wind induces nausea and causes citizens to vomit.

UNITED STATES.  Overly busy and out-of-date, the USA needs a new flag as well. When was the last time the original thirteen colonies were of any relevance? With 50 stars, aren't we discouraging any new states? According to the Second Continental Congress, who adopted this geometric mess, the stars were originally meant to symbolize 'a new constellation.' Which group of stars are we talking about?

OCT 29 THE STRANGE STORY OF DOMINICA'S MOUNTAIN CHICKEN FROG

OCT 29 THE STRANGE STORY OF DOMINICA'S MOUNTAIN CHICKEN FROG

Before humans arrived on the Caribbean island of Dominica, frogs were on top of the food pyramid. They ate everything. In addition to crickets, centipedes and flies, frogs also devoured snakes, birds and even other frogs. One species, the Leptodactylus Fallax, emerged as the ultimate predator on the small isle. With no competition in the rainforests, the gluttonous creature evolved into the largest species of frog on earth. It is a foot long and weighs up to three pounds. It is only found on the islands of Dominica and Montserrat.

Everything changed in the year 1493 when Christopher Columbus arrived. It was a Sunday, so the island was named 'Dominica' (Sunday in Latin). However, it would not be Europeans who would settle the idyllic isle. Rather, it was populated by African laborers who worked in the sugar plantations. These hungry people soon discovered the amazing frog. They called it "mountain chicken" because it was found in the high hills and tasted like...chicken! (Apparently, the frog's mating call also sounds like a chicken's cackle.) When the island became an independent nation, fried frog legs was proclaimed the national dish.

Interested? Here's how you make Mountain Chicken. First, remove the skin from the legs and toss the rest of the frog away. Then, wash with lime and season with garlic, pepper and thyme. After two hours, roll in flour and fry in vegetable oil until golden brown. Serve with white rice and peas. Two frog legs should be good for four people. Oops! We got ahead of ourselves. We forgot to mention that over-hunting of the species landed it on the endangered list. Hunting of the frog was banned on Dominica in 1993.

While the numbers stabilized, another threat to the Mountain Chicken Frog emerged in 2002. Chytridomycosis is a fungal disease that has decimated amphibians worldwide. Within a couple of years, the population of mountain chicken had dwindled to 8,000. That's when drastic measures were taken. A team from the Royal Zoological Society descended onto the island. They captured the frogs and took them to laboratories in London. For the last twelve years, they have been rehabilitated and regenerated. Most importantly, the amazing amphibians have built up a resistance to the deadly chytrid fungus.

Last Saturday, fifty-one frogs were flown from London to Dominica. They were carefully released into the wild and look forward to a long life. The residents of Dominica have been educated as to the plight of their national dish. The hunting of mountain chicken is no longer practiced. While the locals are saddened at the loss of their national dish, they understand the rationale. Hopefully, the Mountain Chicken can regroup and once again live on the top of the food chain in Dominica. And maybe they'll be enough frog legs to eat..

OCT 23 POPE FRANCIS RENTS OUT SISTINE CHAPEL FOR PRIVATE PARTY

OCT 23 POPE FRANCIS RENTS OUT SISTINE CHAPEL FOR PRIVATE PARTY

Talk about an evening to remember! It began with a private concert featuring the choir from the Accademia di Santa Cecilia. Since 1585, they have dazzled Romans with their symphonic brilliance. Next, guests were served fancy cocktails and light refreshments. Then, a formal gala dinner was served by tuxedo clad waitstaff. While this may seem like a common evening in the Italian capital, the setting on Saturday night was unbelievable. This event took place in the Sistine Chapel under Michelangelo's famous frescoes.

See, this is the first time in the 541 year history of the famed chapel that it has been rented out for a private event. The Sistine was built by the forward-looking Pope Sixtus IV. He envisioned a stupendous 'House of God' to serve as the primary center of worship for the clergy of the Holy See. To accomplish his dream, the Pope rounded up the most innovative artists of the day. Botticelli, Raphael and Michelangelo were summoned to Rome to create an artistic masterpiece. They succeeded. A visit to the Sistine Chapel is truly unforgettable.

Oops. Back to Saturday's party. Here are the details. Forty wealthy members of the Porsche Travel Club paid five thousand Euros each for the honor to attend. Papal authorities did not disclose the amount the luxury car company paid to rent the world famous building, but it did announce where these profits were going. Monsignor Paolo Nicolini told reporters "The Pope's charity projects with the poor and homeless" would recieve all of Porsche's donations.

While many are cheering Pope Francis and his 'Robin Hood' tactics of taking from the wealthy to give to the needy, historians are concerned. The bottom line is that leasing out sanctified structures for money is a touchy subject. It reminds us of when Pope Leo X routinely administered 'indulgences' in return for monetary support. This is what started the whole Reformation. A church that could be bought is not holy.

For the time being, the Papacy is not planning any more private parties in the Sistine Chapel. But stay tuned for more 'Action from the Vatican' coming soon to the DUNER BLOG. In his first twenty months as pope, Francis has lived up to his moniker as the "People's Pope.' Such unfathomable issues as homosexuality, priest celibacy, abortion and birth control have all been part of the dialogue. His goal of modernizing the antiquated institution is much needed. We just hope none of the Renaissance frescoes get damaged in any upcoming "Papal Raves"

OCT 14 BAN ON SWISS COWS WEARING BELLS

OCT 14 BAN ON SWISS COWS WEARING BELLS

There is nothing like a vacation in Switzerland! Breath taking hiking trails are plentiful. They zigzag from lush meadows to steep cliffs, offering the visitor Alpine splendor at every turn. See, in Switzerland, the peaks are higher, the lakes are larger and the rivers are faster. However, one item will soon be missing from this spectacle. The famed cows of Switzerland are loosing their bells.

A groundbreaking study on dairy cows at Zurich's Federal Institute has the entire nation questioning one of their beloved traditions. It found that the enormous bells worn around their necks emit a tone ranging from 100 to 113 decibels...which is equivalent to a chainsaw at full blast! This far exceeds the Swiss legal sound limit of  85 decibels. As a result, most bovines suffer hearing loss and many are deaf altogether. Also, the 12-pound iron bells impede grazing habits. Cattle without bells eat 25% more grass and are healthier.

The study is a big win for animal rights groups in Switzerland. “We didn’t need long university research to tell us that the bells are not beneficial to cows,” quipped activist Lolita Morena. See, cows in flat places like Texas don't need bells to be located. But in the steep, foggy Alps, they are considered a necessity. Plans to equip bovines in GPS devises would solve the problem. This means farmers will just have to spend a bit more time finding their cows in bad weather. "It’s difficult work... but they chose it,” explained the unsympathetic Morena.

So will cowbells disappear from the Swiss Alps? "Nicht so schnell," say the farmers. They stress the traditional role the bells play in Swiss society. In medieval times, the size of a bell signified the best milk producing cow. It received the honor of wearing the largest one. For the farmers, the elaborate, ornate bells are a source of pride. There are even Bell Festivals. In the Alpaufzug Festival, boys ring cowbells in the streets. Folklore says the sound rids the pastures of evil spirits and makes the grass grow faster.

While we here at the DUNER BLOG cherish folk tales, we do side with the Cow Bell Ban. Since one in every ten people in Switzerland is a millionaire (the highest ratio in the world) they can afford to put GPS chips and implement more humane practices. Even the Swiss Tourism Bureau agrees. "It's hard to imagine Switzerland without cowbells. " explained spokesman Véronique Kanel, lamenting that an era has passed. Yet she knows that the cowbell is only a small fraction of the wonders of the famed nation, and understands that "animal welfare is paramount.”

NOTE: No word yet on whether the Swiss will ban the Saint Bernard Rescue dogs from carrying canisters of brandy around their necks. Don't worry! The DUNER BLOG will inform you of any such legislation.

OCT 8 FAQ's ABOUT THE UMBRELLA REVOLUTION

OCT 8 FAQ's ABOUT THE UMBRELLA REVOLUTION

Lots of readers from around the globe have submitted questions about the Umbrella Revolution in Hong Kong.  Let's get started.

Why umbrellas? Does it rain a lot in Hong Kong? - Yulia, Kiev.  It pours around the South China Sea. About 100 inches every year. But it's not water that calls for the protesters to don umbrellas. They're meant to deflect tear gas and pepper spray. However, protest leaders are not too fond of the name. They say the movement is about civil disobedience, not revolution.

Why is it also called 'Occupy Central'? - Henri, Lyon. When the Occupy Movement spread across the planet three years ago, each city had a different moniker. In Hong Kong it was called Occupy Central, after the drab name used for the Financial District. On October First, this group launched another sit-in. They were joined by two student groups, Scholarism and the Federation of Students. Together, over 100,000 people have joined the cause.

How long was Hong Kong democratic before 1997? - Ahmed, Dubai. Never! The irony about the protests is that the current system is actually more democratic than British rule. For 155 years, all 28 governors were directly appointed from London. Today, half of the government is selected by oligarchs, bankers and government officials. The other half is elected by the general public. Chris Patten, the last British governor, coined the term "One Country; Two Systems." However, neither system is democratic.

How does Mainland China feel about the Umbrella Revolution? - Frank, Leeds. The People's Republic of China is most displeased. While colonial Hong Kong didn't have elections, they did enjoy other freedoms.  They had fair courts, common law and an independent press. None of these are allowed in Beijing. If Hong Kongers win the right to choose their own leader, a scary precedent would start. Tienanmen Square protests could begin anew.

Does everyone in Hong Kong support the movement? - Judy, Toronto. Opinion polls..from the same university where the movement started..show meager hometown support for the Umbrella Revolution. Only 15% of Hong Kong residents strongly support the students.  A whopping 45% of Hong Kongers disapprove. Older residents wish younger citizens would concentrate on work and family. Instead, they insist on causing traffic problems and blocking the entrances to department stores.

Can you compare the Umbrella Revolution to the Arab Spring? Dan, Dallas. The movements are very similar. They start with large numbers of unemployed...yet technologically savvy...youths. Next, they organize under the always popular banner of Democracy Now! Worldwide media outlets adore empathizing with the underdog, and presidents and rock stars rally around their cause. Let's just hope the Umbrella Revolution ends better than the movements in Egypt, Tunisia and Ukraine. After the cameras leave, the poverty just increases!

SEPT 30 LIST OF DEREK JETER'S RETIREMENT GIFTS

SEPT 30 LIST OF DEREK JETER'S RETIREMENT GIFTS

Sunday marked the end of baseball's regular season. One of the game's greats, DEREK JETER, lined a solid single to left field for his last and final at-bat. See, the beloved Yankee shortstop is retiring after 20 seasons and 3,465 hits. A fan favorite nationwide, the Minnesota Twins thought it would be nice to honor Derek with a parting gift. So, back in July, they gave him the actual second base used in the stadium. It got TONS of media coverage, so every other team Jeter played against for the rest of the season also gave him parting presents. Here is the complete list:

BALTIMORE ORIOLES: The home of fried seafood, the folks in Maryland proudly presented Derek with an enormous basket of crabs. He ate one, put on a US Navy Captains' hat and waved to the cheering crowd.

BOSTON RED SOX: As the Yankee's hated rival, Boston only gave Derek something to avoid bad press for not following suit. While LL Bean boots are nice, he did much better in other cities.

CHICAGO CUBS: As a National League team that never makes the playoffs, Jeter only played a handful of games in Wrigley Field. Nonetheless, he received the #2 board from the famed scoreboard.

CHICAGO WHITE SOX: While most teams gave a gift that represents their city, the White Sox gave the famed Shortstop a bench made entirely from Major League bats. Different!

CINCINNATI REDS: Since the Reds have two Gold Glove shortstops as well, they gave Derek jerseys from legends Dave Concepcion and Barry Larkin.

CLEVELAND INDIANS: The home of the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame presented Mr. Jeter with a Yankee pinstriped Gibson Les Paul electric guitar.

DETROIT TIGERS: Derek loved Tiger Stadium; he grew up in Michigan. He was particularly pleased to receive two of the folding chairs from the original park.

HOUSTON ASTROS: Jeter loves to golf, so he was all smiles when the General Manager handed him a new set of clubs.

LOS ANGELES ANGELS: This gift was the silliest. A twelve foot-high Hobie Surfboard with the Yankee Pinstripes and logo on the top. Derek doesn't even like to swim!

MILWAUKEE BREWERS: Again, golf. The Brewers gave Derek an over-sized check good for a round at the famed Whistling Straits Golf Course.

NEW YORK METS: The Yankees opponent in the cross-town Subway series, the Mets gave Derek a mosaic using the iconic New York subway tiles.

OAKLAND A'S: Of all the gifts, Derek likely enjoyed the bottle of 2009 Abreu Madrona Ranch Cabernet the most.  He drank it right after the game.

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS: This gift is the most classy. Gold cuff links embossed with Stan "The Man" Musial's number six.

SEATTLE MARINERS: As the site of Jeter's first ever Major League game, the ceremony was a bit more emotional. They gave him the Second Base pad he reached on his first hit.

TEXAS RANGERS: Former President George W. Bush handed him Pinstriped boots and a Cowboys hat to match. He looks much better in a baseball cap.

TORONTO BLUE JAYS: This winter, Derek will be hitting the slopes in the Canadian Rockies. The Blue Jays gave him lift tickets to Banff and a top-notch condo as well.

AND FINALLY: The Duner Blog wishes to thank the KANSAS CITY ROYALS, MILWAUKEE BREWERS and the PITTSBURGH PIRATES for just making donation to Derek Jeter's charity instead of giving him a basket of fried clams...

SEPT 23 TOP TEN PLASTIC SURGERY NATIONS

SEPT 23 TOP TEN PLASTIC SURGERY NATIONS

This just in from Caracas: Venezuela has an acute shortage of brand-name breast implants! Recent sanctions means that US-produced, FDA approved silicone gel bags are no longer available. A panic has spread amongst image conscious Caraqueñas.  “The women are complaining,” said Ramon Zapata, president of the Society of Plastic Surgeons. “Venezuelan women are very concerned with their self-esteem.”

We conducted research and Venezuela is only Tenth on the list of plastic surgeries/per capita...

10. Venezuela.  So common are breast augmentations in Venezuela, they have become a favorite gift for a girl's Quinceañera. (15th birthday celebration). A popular telenovela (soap opera) is called “Sin Tetas, No Hay Paraiso” (No boobs, no paradise). It's based in a plastic surgeon's office. Even the late Hugo Chavez called the nation's obsession "monstrous."

9. France.  No one is surprised to see this nation on the list. These days, France is the place for high end operations. The plastic surgeons here are legendary. Just ask Carla Bruni, Madonna and Cindy Crawford. They all swear by the work of Parisian Doctor Jean-Louis Sebagh.

8. USA.  On the list of total cosmetic operations are performed, America is #1. But, this list is per capita, so it drops to #8. Don't worry, the Yanks will climb up. See...the old notion that plastic surgery is shameful and vain is...like so...yesterday. It's impossible to find a Reality TV star that hasn't had something done!

7. Dominican Republic.  This island getaway has a most liberal policy toward regulation of cosmetic surgeons: None! Hence, numerous unregulated clinics have sprung up, with doctors who freely negotiate prices. What will cost $6000 in New York can be had for as little as $800.

6. Taiwan.  Another island destination for quickie operations, Taiwan also feeds off mainland demand. Lots of wealthy Chinese flock to Taipei for cheap and indiscreet procedures. Mostly, they want Rhinoplasties, or nose-jobs.

5. Italy. The birthplace of plastic surgery! Centuries ago, Gasparo Tagliacozzi first transplanted tissue and performed the first nose job. These days, Italians are more concerned with hiding signs of aging. It's estimated Italian women have the highest Botox rates in the world!

4. Colombia.  South Americans are obsessed with body image. Colombia is the place to go for cheap liposuction. Main cities like Bogota, Medellin and Cartegena all have neighborhoods cluttered with surgeons. People simply shop for the best deals, as there is a plan for every budget!

3. Greece. Despite a floundering economy, demand for cosmetic surgeries continues to rise in Greece. Even in ancient times, human anatomy has had a coveted place in the national psyche, and modern Greeks are no different. NOTE: Greece leads the world in penis enlargements per capita.

2.  Brazil. No nation loves plastic surgery as much as the bikini-worshiping Brazilians. How acceptable is the practice in mainstream society? Well, the government recently made plastic surgeries deductible on your income tax. They feel the additional income will outweigh the losses in tax. NOTE: Brazil leads the world in butt implants per capita.

1. South Korea. Surprise! The largest center for plastic surgery in the world is Seoul. In fact, one in five women here have had work done. The most popular procedure is Blepharoplasty, or double eyelid surgery. People in Japan and Northern China also come here for more Western-looking eyes...thus inflating their per capita stats over #2 Brazil.
Post Script:  We here at the DUNER BLOG love Emma Watson's United Nations speech on feminism. If Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B Anthony and Betty Friedan were alive today, we could only imagine their opinion on boob jobs. This is not what they had in mind a century ago...