AUG 15 PUNK BAND PUSSY RIOT TAKES ON VLADIMIR PUTIN

AUG 15 PUNK BAND PUSSY RIOT TAKES ON VLAD PUTIN

This week's blog reminds us how something really small can morph into something completely global.   It all began on a frozen February night in Moscow.  Suddenly, Nadezhda Tolokonnikova got an idea.  She told her band-mates: "Rather than sit around, swilling vodka, and complaining about how horrible Putin is...we should do something!"  So the gals in the punk rock outfit Pussy Riot decided to stage an impromptu concert at a Moscow church.  The plan was to let the rhythm of a bass guitar solo get their message across.  They screamed lyrics that asked the Virgin Mary to save them from the tyrant leader.

Oh...we left something out.  It wasn't just a church.  Actually, they chose the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour (Храм Христа Спасителя) for their publicity stunt.  You know...that big, colorful, onion-domed building across the street from the Kremlin?  In fact, it's the tallest Orthodox church in the world. The iconic structure was built by Czar Alexander the First to celebrate the Russian victory over Napoleon.   Heck, even Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture was debuted there, led by Peter himself.  Get it?  It's a very important monument, and shouldn't be the site of any political rally...especially one by a crazy, costumed alternative punk band called PuSsy RiOt.  (The girls want us to spell it that way.)

Not surprisingly, the band members were arrested less than a minute into their performance.  (We made the part up about the bass solo!)  Anyhow, here's where the things get dicey.  In most other world cities, the gals would be jailed, charged, fined and released and no one would care that some crazy punks burst into a cathedral for thirty seconds.  Not so in murky Moscow.  Under their "judicial system," the three band members are still in jail today, 175 days later.  A 2,800 page indictment was handed down, charging them with hooliganism and a seven-year sentence. Nyet!

All of which comes at an interesting time for the current czar of Russia, Vladimir Putin.  No friend of human rights, he has never tried show the world that he is a democracy-loving friend of the West.  However, he tries not to provoke.  But placing three silly girls in prison for seven years for a poorly thought-out 45-second protest provides the perfect vehicle for opposition.   It went global last week because Madonna just so happened to be in Moscow for a concert.  She wrote "PuSsY RiOt" on her back.  That must've peeved off Vladimir for sure!

The whole mess all comes to a conclusion this Friday, when the court in Moscow announces the verdict.  From Russia to Rwanda to Reykjavik, there will be "PuSsy RiOt" candlelight vigils.  Be sure to go online and find one in your town.  You might even run into a favorite celeb!  Not only is Madonna involved but also such pop icons as Pete Townsend, Yoko Ono and Lady Gaga.  Stay tuned, readers...the verdict will be read at precisely 2:00 pm Moscow time!  NOTE: They sound about as good as they look.







Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, Maria Alekhina and Yekaterina Samutsevich

AUG. 8 SILLY CELEBRITY PRESIDENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS

AUG. 8 SILLY CELEBRITY PRESIDENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS

The US Presidential Election is just two short months away!  As you might have guessed, the DUNER BLOG has been approached by representatives from both campaigns desperately seeking our endorsement.  Let us make one thing clear: The DUNER BLOG has a policy of not endorsing any candidate in any election.  Let's face it: The only thing more useless than an endorsement from us would be an endorsement from a stupid Hollywood Celebrity...So let's get started!

SILLY CELEBS ENDORSING ROMNEY

Donny & Marie Osmond.  Okay...this one is a no-brainer.  As we all know, the signing, dancing and smiling Osmond Family members were the World's Most Famous Mormons until Mitt came along.  According to Donny, the Romney candidacy has Americans "wanting to know more about our faith." 

Jenna Jameson.  If you're gonna get an endorsement from a Porn Star, it had better be from a hottie...and that's Jenna.  She's enshrined in the Adult Video Hall of Fame for her 161 (!) film appearances.  But don't worry...she's not voting for Mitt for any specific policy.  Vegas-born Jenna reminds us:  “When you’re rich, you want a Republican in office."

Gene Simmons.  The lead singer of the famed glam-rock band KISS endorsed Romney for the top job.  According to Dr. Love: "America is a business and should be run by a businessman."  Don't laugh: Gene's estimated net worth is $300 million...not bad for a guy who released an album titled Love Gun.

Kid Rock.  If you thought KISS was silly, you should listen to some of Kid Rock's music!  Nonetheless, both Kid and Mitt share the shame Michigan roots.  In fact, Romney has chosen the Kid Rock song "Born Free" as his official campaign theme.  (NOTE: This is not the same song from the 1968 movie.)

Jeff Foxworthy.  Although shunned by most pollsters, the Redneck vote is very important and increasing all the time.  Romney knows this and met with the Southern comedian to eat "cheesy grits" and say "y'all."  Jeff wants us to know that a job as important as the Oval Office needs a person with smarts.   Quipped Jeff: "We don't elect presidents on personality. We did that in 2008!"    

SILLY CELEBS ENDORSING OBAMA

Hilary Duff.  While not as politically influential as other teen pop stars like JUSTIN BEIBER or BRITNEY SPEARS, Obama must be particularly fond of Hilary's endorsement.  Why?  Because back in 2004, when Hilary Duff was on top of the pop charts, she sang at President Bush's Inauguration Bash.  Meaning, she...like...totally changed her mind and now supports a Democrat.

Maurice Sendak. Although currently dead, the children's author donated $500 to the Obama campaign just days before his passing.  Where The Wild Things Are is Barack's favorite childhood book, and the author read the book to kids at last year's White House Easter Egg Roll.  

Kal Penn. Believe it or not, but losers who hang out at White Castle Burgers all day can vote too!   Penn...the Indian/America actor who hilariously plays Kumar the Pot-Head on the screen...is actually very active in Obama's re-election campaign.  Kal is an associate director for Public Engagement and has stumped in 26 states so far.

Dana DeArmond.  Just because Mitt nailed Jenna's endorsement doesn't mean the Republicans have the Porn Vote.  Nope, Obama's stance on Same-Sex marriage guaranteed this industry's support.  Whether Barack is ready for actually living an alternative lifestyle was brought up by actress Dana DeArmound. "I have a crush on Barack and on Michelle. I actually think I have romantic feelings for Michelle. I wish they'd take me on a date.”

Eva Longoria.  Did you know that (Desperate) Housewives account for 11% of American voters?   That's why the sexiest TV cast member is out fundraising for the current President.  She's managed to raise $500,000 so far.   Which is about what she makes per episode on the TV show.

AUG 2 WHICH INTERNET COUNTRY CODES ARE BEING SOLD?

AUG 2 WHICH INTERNET COUNTRY CODES ARE BEING SOLD?

Wow!  The DUNER BLOG staff had one helluva good time watching the OPENING CEREMONIES for the OLYMPIC GAMES last Friday night!  What a party!  As expected, thousands of DUNER DOLLARS were wagered during the PARADE OF NATIONS.  We tried to best each other's knowledge of the obscure nations from around the globe.  You know...the tiny, little nations who only get mentioned on American TV every four years.  You know...not just Guinea...but Guinea-Bissau as well!

For those of you who watched the ceremonies outside of the USA...be glad you didn't have to listen to our pompous TV Host, BOB COSTAS.  He loves to talk over every person and babble during every song.  However, Bob did have one item which got the whole crowd into lively debate.  When the sari-clad athletes from TUVALU marched out, Costas mentioned how the tiny Pacific nation had sold its Internet domain code (TV) for $50 million...just because their internet suffix is a common abbreviation for the word television.  Soon, we all started wondering if any other codes had been sold...or coveted...or demanded.

We conducted copies amounts of research and have grouped them into three categories.  First up: Countries who actually sold their Internet domains.

NATIONS WHO SOLD THEIR CODES

Tuvalu.  The first country to cash in on their Internet code netted a cool $50 million for two valuable letters.  While this might not seem like much...Remember: Tuvalu has the third smallest population in the world at 10,500.  This means each citizen has $5,000 in the Tuvalu Trust Fund gaining interest!

All Hail Mighty Montenegro!

Montenegro. When voters in Montenegro officially left Yugoslavia six years ago, they were excited about self rule...a new flag and national anthem.  Most folks had no idea that their new Internet prefix, ME, would be so valuable.  And guess what?  Even you can purchase your own name (e.g. JohnSmith.me) for a price lower than you might expect! 

Colombia.  In 1819, revolutionaries rejected the imperial name New Granada and renamed the northwestern region of South America after Christopher Columbus.  They had no idea what a financial boon this would be two hundred years later, all because the abbreviation would be .CO.  See...there are 90 million 'dot.com' addresses...so 'dot.co' addresses are now needed.  Bogota gets 25% of the revenue generated by .CO Internet, which was $30 million last year!

SOUGHT-AFTER CODES
  
Oman.  A number of companies approached this Middle Eastern nation and inquired about using .OM for spiritual sites.  However, the Sultan isn't exactly strapped for cash, so he has quietly denied use outside the kingdom for his national Internet domain.

Austria.  It is confusing how Austria received .AT.   Larger Australia got .AU...that makes sense.  But why American Samoa got .AS makes no sense.   Fortunately for the Alpine nation, many English words end in -at.  Austria has sold a couple of gems (like KittyC.at and Bor.at.) but has rejected many others.  

France. When Paris heard how the lowly Austrians were pimping out their letters, they began to worry the same thing might happen to them.  Sacre-bleu!  To insure the integrity of the .FR suffix is never compromised, all businesses must prove they are based on French soil before they are issued an .FR Internet address.



TYPO-SQUATTING CODES

Cameroon. The Central African nation was actually named after the abundance of shrimp European explorers found in the Sanaga River.  (The Portuguese word for shrimp is camarão.).  Anyhow, today many Typo-Squatters are purchasing addresses like Amazon.cm or Google.cm...just because clumsy-fingered people omit the 'O' in .com.

South Georgia. An enterprising start-up is attempting to compete against industry-leader BLOGGER.COM (The best such site on the Internet.)  The concept was to have the most simple address possible: BLO.GS.  The site is up and running, but legislation in the South Georgia & Sandwich islands is also up and running!  



    

JULY 25 LONDON: THE ONLY CITY TO HOST THREE OLYMPICS

JULY 25 LONDON IS THE ONLY CITY TO HOST OLYMPICS THREE TIMES

We are sooooo excited here at the DUNER BLOG.  The Olympics start on Friday!  We simply love the OPENING CEREMONIES.  We all gather around the Big Screen TV and watch the "Parade of Nations." It's when the athletes from each country march into the stadium.  The order is very important.  Since the ancient Olympic games started there, Greece always gets to go first.  Then, the other nations proceed in alphabetical order. Finally, tradition states that the host nation...Great Britain, this year...parades last. It's always fun to watch and critique the "national costumes,"  which often include silly things like Bowler hats or pink bandannas.  But most of all, we just love to see the whole world come together as one...just like in a Pepsi commercial.

It's a fact: LONDON is the only city in the world to ever host the Olympics three times.  You might be saying...No fair!  That's British favoritism!  However, once you hear the stories of the first two Olympiads, you might change your mind...

1908 Games.

The fourth Olympiad was supposed to be in Rome, not London.  However, Mount Vesuvius suddenly erupted.  It was hastily decided the games would be moved.  Since London's bid came in second place, they got the nod.  (The move wasn't because of Rome's air quality...the Italian polizia were needed to shovel ash in Naples!).  Anyhow, here are some of the notable events from the 1908 Games:

Women's sporting attire looked different in 1908!

First Parade of Nations.  King Edward thought it would be nice to have all participating nations march around the newly built stadium behind each of their flags.  There were twenty-two nations at the time.  This means it took a lot less time than the five hours it will take the 204 countries scheduled to march on Friday.     

Flag Dipping Controversy.  Even though these games were 104 years ago, one thing remains constant...there will always be misplaced political squabbles in the Olympics.  Back then, it was Finland. Having been recently annexed, the Finns grudgingly marched with the Russian Empire's team.  Likewise for unhappy Arab athletes behind the Turkish flag bearers.  But things got chippy when the US captain refused lower the Stars & Stripes to King Edward.  "This flag dips to no earthly king!" he quipped.

Marathon Distance Changed. The Royal family thought it would be nifty if the marathon began at  Windsor Castle (specifically...below the windows of the Royal Nursery) and ended at the stadium.  The only problem was this distance was twenty-six miles...not the accepted twenty-five.  To accommodate the king,  the number was changed.  The official marathon distance has remained at 26.2 miles ever since. 

1948 Games.

Just like the 1908 Games, London was not the first choice to host the 1948 games.  See, the previous two Olympiad had been cancelled due to World War Two.  Prior to the war, the International Olympic Committee had given the 1944 Games to London...but the city was still in shambles after the German air-raids.  The 1948 Games were all ready to go to BALTIMORE...when King George announced that the games were staying RIGHT HERE!

The Austerity Games.  The London Sun coined this term to describe frugal mood of this Olympiad.  Nothing new was constructed...Wembley Stadium wasn't even given a fresh coat of paint.  Food rationing took place in the dormitories.  Athletes scalped their tickets to make an extra buck! (Wait a second...they still do that today!)  Perhaps the mood of the XIV Olympiad was best summed up by the New York Post: "These games are Spartan as well as Greek!"  

No Germany or Japan. Back in ancient Greece, an Olympic Truce was held throughout the Aegean region so that all could travel safely to Olympia to participate.  During the games, all political differences were temporarily put aside for the sake of the sports.  Unfortunately, modern humans simply cannot do this. We continue to ruin the proud spirit of the Games with other matters.  This was true in 1948.  Germany and Japan's applications were denied due to their "roles as aggressors."   

It's Filmed In Color! Eight years prior, Hollywood had released "The Wizard of Oz" in beautiful Technicolor.  Excited about furthering the use of this wonderful technology, it was announced the London Olympic games would be captured using a new "Bi-pack Technichrome Technique."  Talk about fancy!

2012 Games.

This time around, Londoners won't have to worry about any volcano erupting or any World War still smoldering.  Nope, this time everything has gone just as planned.  All we have to do is sit back and enjoy the satellite feed!  Go USA!

 

JULY 18 WAR ERUPTS BETWEEN FRANCE & CALIFORNIA

JULY 18 WAR ERUPTS BETWEEN FRANCE & CALIFORNIA

It's the boxing match no one expected to see.  Shh...You're just in time for the introductions.  Here's the public address announcer:  Ding! Ding!  "Ladies & Gentlemen.  Welcome to the championship bout to determine the heavyweight snob of the world!  In one corner...the defending champ...weighing in at 65 million people...with his nose high in the air...it's the REPUBLIC OF FRANCE!  The opponent...with a hefty population of 37 million...the challenger and reigning snob of the Western Hemisphere...the STATE OF CALIFORNIA!"

Oops!  Once again...we've gotten ahead of ourselves here at the DUNER BLOG.  How did France and California become enemies?  It all began two weeks ago...on July First to be exact.  On that day, Section #25980 of the State Health Code officially became a law, thus banning the sale of FOIE GRAS in California.  It took years of intense lobbying, but persistent animal rights activists finally achieved their goal.  And they were particularly proud about the wording of the ordinance.  They wanted everyone to realize that the: "force feed[ing of] a goose for the purpose of enlarging the bird's liver beyond normal size" qualifies as animal cruelty.  All violators will be punished with a painful $1,000 fine.

So...why do the French care about Section #25980?  Well it just so happens that France is the world's largest supplier of delicious Foie Gras.  And it just so happens the California is the world's largest importer of Foie Gras.  It's no secret: The Golden State loves to be decadent.  Believe it or not, but those chardonnay swilling and brie munching Californians account for one quarter of the world's total goose liver consumption.  And in our wacky global economy, this means a lot of people in France are going to lose their jobs because activists half a world away managed to get the state assembly to ban a delicacy item.

But guess what?  Nobody pushes France around!  Or so says PHILLIPE MARTIN, a member of the French National Assembly.  The politician from the Pyrenees is pursuing legislation that would ban all California wines imported into France.  Martin feels singling out one luxury item is unfair and wants to show solidarity "for our foie gras makers and for all food makers."  Now that will show 'em!  Or maybe it won't.  California Wine Institute spokesperson LAUREL PINE points out that very little Californian wine is consumed in France. "It feels like a little bit of a slap in the face of a product that France is proud of."  Pine also pointed out Americans buy one trillion dollars worth of French wine annually.

Enough!  The truth is...We here at the DUNER BLOG are hesitant to support either side.  We admit to enjoying haûte cuisine.  For example, we simply adore Swiss chocolates.  However, we also understand that no living creature should ever have to be force fed.  The problem is that we feel issues involving ethics and appetites are best solved in arenas other than the French National Assembly and the California State Legislature.  We'd like to see the Assemblée Nationale in Paris concentrate on getting marginalized Algerian immigrants some overdue civil rights.  And we'd love it if the fools in Sacramento stop slashing our Education budget.  Let's leave the foie gras issue for the talk shows, PETA protesters and social media outlets to work out.

JULY 12 FAQ's ABOUT MEXICO'S NEW PRESIDENT, ENRIQUE PEÑA NIETO

JULY 12 FAQ's ABOUT MEXICO'S NEW PRESIDENT: ENRIQUE PEÑA NEITO

Our cyber-mailbox has been jam-packed with questions about Mexico's President-Elect, ENRIQUE PEÑA NIETO.  So let's get started!

Has Mexico ever had a more handsome president?
The simple answer is: No! Peña Nieto is Mexico's 89th president.  We looked at the photos of all previous 88 leaders and only Antonio López de Santa Anna comes close.  We even threw in Mexico's two Emperors, (Iturbide and Maximilian) and it's still no contest.  In fact, the only Mexican who could even be considered in the same league as President Enrique is Enrique Iglesias. 

How can you be both the Governor and President of Mexico?
This is confusing.  The nation...the United States of Mexico...is divided into thirty-one states and a federal district (Mexico City).  The state closest to the metropolis is also named Mexico.  It comprises of the capital, Toluca, and most of the suburbs.   In reality...it's all one big city and both are considered part of the greater "metropolitan area."  Prior to winning the presidency, Peña Nieto was governor of the State of Mexico. 

What's the deal with his hot wife?
Actually his spouse is a difficult subject.  See, Peña Nieto's first wife Mónica died suddenly in 2007 from respiratory arrest.  He has since remarried to Angelica Rivera who...you guessed it...is a rich and famous TV actress!  We here at the DUNER BLOG love the show and couldn't have made up a better character for a telenovela soap opera than "La Gaviota" (the seagull).  The heartwarming doña is professional tequila chef who flirts with her co-workers.  The show's title is "Destilando Amor" or "Distilling Love" in Spanish.


Why the comparisons to George Bush?
During a campaign stop in Guadalajara, a reporter asked candidate PEÑA NIETO about his literary side. "Which books influenced him as a student?" the reporter inquired.  EPN awkwardly stumbled through his reply...much like the former American president so famously did.  "I have read a number of books, starting with novels. I'd have a hard time recalling the titles," said Peña Neito.  When asked to elaborate, he continued bumbling...again, much like "W" would do.  Enrique proceeded to incorrectly identify novels written by Carlos Fuentes...which was great fodder for liberal media outlets.

Why did Rebecca Black endorse him?
Remember the video that was a YouTube sensation last year? "Gotta get down on Friday?" Well, it turns out Rebecca's family is from Morelos where her uncle is a local politician in EPN's political party (the PRI).  Although she's only 14 years old and can't vote in either country, she still wants people to know it's important to stay informed on politics.  "Peña Nieto is going to do a fantastic job," she said.  We here at the DUNER BLOG share Rebecca Black's enthusiasm and know the new president will make Mexico great again!

  

JULY 3 IRAN LAUNCHES SUBMARINE FLEET IN THE CASPIAN SEA

JULY 3 IRAN LAUNCHES SUBMARINE FLEET IN THE CASPIAN SEA

Recently, Iranian President MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD has been pretty boring...giving us bloggers very little to blog about.  He's just been doing petty things.  You know...like another denial about supposed nuclear activity...or a statement that an Iranian battleship didn't stray into Iraqi waters...or that they've delayed the trial of some lost American hippie hikers.  But Saturday's announcement from Rear Admiral, ABBAS ZAMINI,  (Deputy Commander of the Iranian Navy) was a blogger's dream.  He informed us that: "Three super-heavy submarines have already been deployed to the country’s southern waters of the Caspian Sea."  Bloggers, start your engines!

Okay...for those of you who cheated in High School Geography...here's a quick primer on the Caspian Sea.  It's not really a "Sea" at all...it's really the earth's largest "Lake."  But, since the Caspian is nearly five times larger than the lake in Second Place (LAKE SUPERIOR), it is practically an ocean.  With no outlets, its water salty like a sea...not a lake.  It also produces oceanic seafood, like Caviar, Sturgeon and Herring.  Finally, we can blame the Greeks.  When the world's first map makers arrived here in the Fifth Century BC, they thought it was the end of the world and named it the Hyrcanian Ocean.  In short...whatever you wanna call it...it's BIG!

Anyhow...for most of human history...things have been peaceful on the mighty Caspian Sea.  For the last thousand years, the rules were simple: The Persians owned the Southern section and the Russians owned the Northern section.   However, the break up of the Soviet Union in 1991 brought chaos to the shores of the lake.  Three new nations now instantly owned prime Caspian coastline. Azerbaijan owned prime Western shoreline, while Turkmenistan and Kazakhstan received most of the Eastern shore.   The problem is that each of the five nations has a different idea on where the territorial claims for the fabled body of water should be drawn.

Things have been getting dicey lately.  Azerbaijan has been accused of cozying up to Israel when they signed recent trade agreements.  Treaties with enemies are highly frowned upon in an Islamic nation...secular or not!  And no one hates Israel more than Iran.   Hence, the Admiral in Tehran declared the submarines were needed to "monitor Azerbaijani activities" purely for self-defense.  Yeah, right!! The real reason is oil.  Iran admitted its petroleum production has slipped 15% in the last quarter.  The nation must discover new sources...and one just happens to be next to its northern neighbor, Azerbaijan.

In summary, Iran just wants to flex its muscle and remind the other four Caspian countries of her military might and that the Caspian Sea is theirs.  The Ayatollahs are also opposed to the Trans-Caspian-Pipeline...a 200 mile-long underwater project that will bring much needed natural gas from Turkmenistan to Europe and rival Iranian dominance.   Finally, we have just enough time to answer a couple obvious questions.  The names of the three subs are: Qaeem, Fatah and Nahang.  Prince Caspian is a character from a C.S. Lewis book, but lives in the fantasy world of Narnia, not Central Asia.