SEPT 13 IS X-FACTOR THE SAME AS AMERICAN IDOL?

SEPT 13 IS X-FACTOR THE SAME AS AMERICAN IDOL?

If you live in the USA and watch the FOX TV Network, you've been bombarded by promotions for an amazing new hit show debuting tomorrow night.  It's called THE X-FACTOR and looks a hell of a lot like AMERICAN IDOL.  Okay...you tell me if you see any similarities.  First, auditions are held nationwide where thousands of screaming kids proceed to make fools of themselves.  Then, the lucky twelve winners move on to the next round, where they perform in front of a live studio audience.   Celebrity judges then give insightful critique mixed with witty banter as a smarmy host cheers.  Finally, voting is held by fans to determine who gets the American X-Factor Billy Idol Award.   Ahem!  This doesn't sound like two completely different TV shows...does it?

Sorry about the cynicism...but this is really confusing.  So we here at the DUNER BLOG decided to straighten things out.  Our story begins with SIMON FULLER, a pudgy, pink-faced Brit from Sussex.  Although pig-like, he became the it guy for British music.  He managed the SPICE GIRLS, discovered AMY WINEHOUSE and introduced POSH SPICE to DAVID BECKHAM.   He is also one very creative dude.  In fact, he's the guy who dreamed up the fantastic formula for the hit TV show described above.  Called it POP IDOL, it debuted on ITV Network in the UK in 2001 and became an instant hit. Viewers loved the format but also fell in love the lead judge: The honestly-rude but cuddly-cute SIMON COWELL.  From Eton to Edinburgh, a whole nation anxiously waited to hear what insult Simon would hurl next.  The ratings went through the ceiling.

It was only a matter of time before the hit TV show crossed the pond to American shores...but not without some changes.  The three other hosts (Pete, Nicki and Neil) were jettisoned and replaced with washed-up '80's bubble-gum-pop-sensation PAULA ABDUL and unknown (but black) RANDY JACKSON.  Called AMERICAN IDOL, it would go on to become the most popular TV in American history...passing up both ALL IN THE FAMILY and THE COSBY SHOW.  The Two Simons basked in their success.  Who would have thought two simple blokes from Hertfordshire could become international celebrities?  Unfortunately...as we all know...absolute wealth corrupts friendships absolutely.  COWELL felt his personality was the reason for the show's success, while FULLER knew it was his creativity.  Bickering led to lawsuits, which continue today.  But who won?

In the UK, SIMON COWELL won.  He launched a new show called X-FACTOR designed to knock out his rival .  Although similar to the POP IDOL, it added new dimensions.  First of all, there are four categories.  The first two are Boys and Girls aged 12 - 25.  Anyone over the age of 25 is the third group (American Idol has a 28-year-old age limit).  The final category is for group acts.  Another difference is the Mentor Stage, where each judge advises and helps contestants in each category.  The main section of the show is the same, except the winner gets a guaranteed record contract.  It is now in its eighth season and has produced stars like LEONA LEWIS and ALEXANDRA BURKE.

In the USA, SIMON FULLER won.  In 2002, he was signed on as the executive producer of the original show with a whopping contract with FOX.  Four years later, they added ginormous extensions.  For ten straight years, it topped the Neilson Ratings, much to the chagrin of SIMON COWELL, who was jealous of FULLER's wealth.  He plotted to do the same thing he did in the UK: Launch X-FACTOR and leave FULLER in the dust.  But in 2004, he lost a lawsuit which forbid him launching the show in the USA show until the year 2011.  Well, it's now 2011 and it's time for America to see which Simon has got it right.

NOTE: The real winner here is FOX.  They broadcast both shows: IDOL in the spring season, X-FACTOR in the fall.  Cha-Ching!!!

SEPT 7 WHERE IS GADDAFI? HE'S IN NIGER WITH HIS VOODOO WITCH

SEPT 7 WHERE'S GADDAFI? HE IS IN NIGER WITH HIS VOODOO WITCH.

People worldwide are all asking the same question: Where is MUAMMAR GADDAFI?  Not since the "Where's Waldo" craze has everyone on the planet been so intent on finding someone.  However, we here at the DUNER BLOG are proud to announce that we know where the evil tyrant is! He's hiding in neighboring Niger.  (NOTE: It's pronounced KNEE-gair) How did we come to this conclusion?  Well, it wasn't easy...that's for sure.  Respected news sources like the BBC and CNN are hesitant to release any false information, so we had turn to less legitimate sources: tacky tabloids and wacky websites.   We compiled information from unnamed family sources and quotes from unidentified tribal leaders.  And here's what we've found:

A month ago, Gaddafi announced that he would "fight to the death" to save Libya.  But...as the situation continued to deteriorate...he changed his mind and decided he liked being alive.   On Monday he fled in exile.  However, it's hard to sneak out of Libya when you have NATO monitoring your every move.  There are dozens of war ships from the US, UK, Canada, Italy and France all patrolling the Mediterranean...so you certainly can't leave by boat.  Likewise, there are three aircraft carriers watching the skies...so poor Muammar can't fly out either.  Heck, there are even submarines waiting for him if he tries to swim away underwater!  Nope, his only option is to escape overland to a friendly neighboring nation and hope satellites can't detect him.

Aisha Gaddafi

There are six nations that border Libya.  Egypt and Tunisia are out: Gaddafi's buddies Mubarak and Zine al Abidine were both overthrown earlier this year and the new regimes have strict anti-tyrant foreign policies.  Chad and Sudan are also a no-go: Gaddafi burned those bridges twenty years ago when he declared war on them over a silly border dispute.  Which leaves us with Algeria and Niger.  Algeria seemed like the natural haven for our displaced despot.  After all, his daughter Aisha and sons Mohamed and Hannibal (only Gaddafi can get away with naming his son Hannibal!) fled to Algiers last month.  Wrong again!  Nope, the last time anyone saw Muammar was when he and his 200 heavily armed vehicles came to the border town of Ghat, headed for Niger!

Why Niger?  According to the German tabloid DIE BILD it all has to do with a woman.  And...no...it's not his wife.  Her name is LADY MABROUKA and she is a cosmic voodoo sorceress.  Apparently, for the last ten years or so, she has become Muammar's most trusted advisor and confident.  Here's how it works.  LADY MABROUKA goes to the Ritz in Paris.  If you want to speak with Gaddafi, you must meet with her first and then hope she allows you to meet with the man.  (The tabloid also claims she tips the Ritz staff with 500 euro notes.) Anyhow, LADY MABROUKA is from Niger and is friends with RISSA AY BOULA, a Tuareg tribal leader who runs most of the country.  She's arranged for safe passage across the border.

The Lady Mabrouka

But...the real problem facing any nation offering safe haven for Gaddafi and his lady is the ROME STATUTE OF THE INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL COURT.  This pact forbids the harboring of criminals like our buddy Muammar.  Since Niger is a member state, they are obligated to turn him in to the Hague for a trial.  If they knowingly keep Gaddafi...and break the statute...they risk the ultimate punishment: No more Western aid.  Niger receives around $50 million in donations annually.   The best place for Muammar? "Zimbabwe" says Africa expert Andy Weir. "Mugabe has no relations with anyone, so there is no extradition issues.  Plus, he is already seen as hero in Harare, a true icon of pan-Africanism."

Where ever you end up, Muammar...one request...keep acting crazy and we'll keep blogging about you!

AUG 31 CLOCK AT BURNING MAN IS THE LARGEST EVER

AUG 31 CLOCK AT BURNING MAN IS THE LARGEST EVER

Move over, STONEHENGE!  The world's largest clock is now located at BURNING MAN!  For those of you not living on the West Coast of the United States, BURNING MAN is a week long festival which celebrates people who want to "design art and express their individuality."  The concept is to create a temporary city, in the middle of the Nevada desert, for one week.  Over 50,000 people arrive to a makeshift city to showcase their fantastic creations.  Then, on Labor Day, everyone packs up every last scrap and leaves the desert as if nothing had happened.  This happens to be the festival's 25th anniversary.  To celebrate, artist JIM BOWERS, with the help of scientists from LAWRENCE BERKELEY LABORATORIES, have constructed the world's largest clock.  It's over a mile wide, with enormous hands and awesome lasers that shoot into the sky.

All of which puts the Guinness Book of World Records in a bit of a quandary.  Is this temporary creation really the biggest clock ever?  After copious amounts of research, we here at the DUNER BLOG have concluded that...no, it isn't  Clocks that sit on the ground are silly.  Only birds can see them...and we all know that birds can't tell time.  The only huge clocks that matter are those on erected on towers so that everyone can see them and know the time of day.  So, on this Labor Day, we'll salute those who know the nine-to-five grind and  we will count down our five favorite clock towers of all time.

NOTE: This list does not include the Campanile on the University of California in Berkeley, which is the coolest bell tower in the universe...not just earth!

Prague's famed clock

#5 Prague Astronomical Clock. In the year 1410, Czech clockmaker JAN HANAS unveiled his gigantic astronomical clock to the delight of crowds crammed into the Old Town Square below.  Not only does this baby tell time, but it also plots the phases of the moon and sun.  It is the only functioning 'astrolabe clock' in the world.  It's resilient too.  During the Prague Uprising in 1945 it took a licking and kept on ticking when negative Nazis fired on it.

#4 Kremlin Spasskaya Tower.  Located in the heart of Moscow, this proud clock tower has kept Russians on time since 1491.  Think about all the rulers during this period! This list includes Czars like Catherine the Great, Peter the Great and Ivan the Terrible.  Then it rang for dictators like Lenin, Stalin and Trotsky and billionaires like Mikhail Prokhorov.  The clock changes moods with the regimes.  During the Soviet era, a large red star was erected on top which remains today.

London's Big Ben

#3 Railway Station Tower Tsim Sha Tsui. Constructed at the height of the Victorian colonial period, this massive clock tower is 164 feet high.  The bells chimes in synchronicity with the trains, who arrived in Kowloon from the rich trading city of Canton, just up the Pearl River.  Next to the railway station is the Star Ferry terminal which whisks passengers to Hong Kong Island.  The station was abandoned for a modern underground terminus, but the clock tower remains as a tribute to a glorious past.

#2 Big Ben. When it opened to the public on May 31, 1859, Big Ben was the tallest clock tower on earth.  Nowadays, it's the third tallest, but it still has the distinction of being the tallest clock tower with four faces.  What amazes us about Big Ben is the clock's spectacular endurance.  In 150+ years, it has only broken down once.  In 1976, a chiming mechanism cracked and for a horrendous twenty-six days Londoners had to go without their beloved Big Ben chiming away every hour on the hour.

The Abraj al-Bait Towers

#1 Royal Mecca Clock Tower.  There's a new sheriff (an Arabic word!) in town, and he lives in Mecca.  Opening next year...just in time for Ramadan...it will be not only be the world's tallest clock tower but the fourth tallest building in the world as well.  It's also a hotel, apartments...heck...it even has two heliports! Not only does it chime every hour, but also five times a day for prayers.  The Saudis are hoping this clock, complete with an immense telescope, will become a new standard in a new era...with Mecca Standard Time replacing Greenwich Mean Time.

I tell you...people really get carried away with their clock towers!

AUG 26 INDIA IS SAVED! CRAZY ANNA HAZARE ENDS HUNGER STRIKE

AUG 26 INDIA IS SAVED! CRAZY ANNA HAZARE ENDS HUNGER STRIKE

You might have missed the insanity that has crippled the world's largest democracy the last two weeks.  But don't worry!  We're here at the DUNER BLOG to fill you in.   Yesterday in Mumbai, populist activist ANNA HAZARE ended his hunger strike after ten days of ingesting nothing but water.  To celebrate, he went straight to McDonald's and inhaled five Chicken Maharaja-Mac sandwiches.   Okay...maybe not...but everyone else in India certainly was celebrating.  Somehow, a crazy old man had single-handedly managed to hold the massive nation of India hostage.  In Bangalore, fifty thousand angry, pro-Hazare protesters crippled traffic.  In Delhi, the Indian parliament was deadlocked debating emergency Hazare leglislation.  And in Mumbai, TV stations had 24-hour coverage of the decaying, withering 74-year-old body on their news networks.  Yuck!  Let's all just thank VISHNU it's over!

Oops...we forgot to mention what the fuss is all about.  It's all about corruption.  Our hero, ANNA HAZARE, is from Ralegan Siddhi, an impoverished village in Maharasta.  This Indian province has it rough.  Half of the year, it's wrecked by monsoons and typhoons.  The other half of the year, it's subjected to drought and 110 degree heat.  Nonetheless, Anna was determined to help his village. While he couldn't control the weather, he instead fought against the second worst problem afflicting Ralegan Siddhi: Graft.  In order to receive emergency federal aid after a disaster, villages must to first bribe government officials.  But, since they didn't have Rupees just laying around, Anna instead started a grass-roots campaign to raise awareness about the issue.  Over the last 30 years, his movement has gained a tremendous amount of steam.  ANNA HAZARE went from village idiot to national hero.

Okay...you're asking yourself...of all the problems facing India...is Corruption really the most pressing issue?  The answer is: Yes!  Let's look at the stats.  According to a recent study by TRANSPARENCY INDIA, nearly half of all Indians (that's half a billion people!) admitted to paying a bribe to a government official.  Another study by a Swiss-bank-watchdog-group reported that Indian citizens have a whopping $1.4 trillion dollars in 'black money' stashed away in secret bank accounts.  Yes...that is a lot of money.  The group reported India has more 'black money' in Swiss bank accounts than the rest of the world combined!  And it's not just private citizens.  Graft is also a problem in government.  Currently, 120 of India's 522 members of Parliament are under federal indictments.  Hmm...maybe ANNA HAZARE isn't so crazy after all!

What also bothers Hazare is the general acceptance of corruption in Indian society.  The aforementioned study focused also on one field to help make this point: The trucking industry.  Like everywhere else in the world, Indian highways have occasional 'truck inspection stations' where all trucks must be stopped to be weighed.  But unlike freeways in the US and Europe, Indian weigh-stations have makeshift booths in front of the scales where every driver must stop and pay a fee.  The study concluded that Indian truckers pay $5 billion in such bribes annually.  It's that bad.  A famous Hazare quote goes like this: "In India, your parents must bribe the hospital to get your birth certificate.  Your life only gets more expensive from there."

While everyone in India today is applauding ANNA HAZARE for starting a national debate on this appalling subject, many are questioning his methods for achieving it.  Specifically, his blatant comparisons of himself to revered national hero, MAHATMA GANDHI.  It's true, Anna looks like Gandhi, dresses like Gandhi and often makes speeches in front of huge posters of Gandhi.  His continued use of hunger strikes...a Gandhi favorite...to make his point has angered many, especially RAHUL GANDHI.  He worried that sensationalized and theatrical stunts like this simply have no place in a modern nation and "set a dangerous precedent for a democracy."

We here at the DUNER BLOG aren't sure who 's right or wrong...but we do have some advice for any readers planning a trip to India.  Be sure to get plenty of 100 Rupee Notes before you leave.  You'll need them to get your suitcase out of baggage claim!

AUG 17 BERT AND ERNIE AREN'T GAY

AUG 17 BERT AND ERNIE AREN'T GAY

Every American kid who was born after the year 1969 grew up watching SESAME STREET.  For our confused international readers...lemme clarify.  The aforementioned show featured talking puppets who entertained kids while secretly educating them.  The cast included memorable friends like Big Bird, Oscar the Grouch, Grover the Monster and his obnoxious nephew, Elmo.  But my personal favorite was always BERT and ERNIE.  While the other characters were solid individuals, Bert and Ernie were best buddies.  They were inseparable and did everything together.  Yep, as a kid, I wanted to grow up and have a friendship just like BERT and ERNIE.

Well, it turns out other Americans also wanted to up and have a relationship just like BERT and ERNIE: Gays and Lesbians.  After further investigation, it's clear.  BERT and ERNIE did everything together.  They ate together.  They played together.  They even argued together.  They even slept in the same room together!  No wonder they're icons in the gay world.  NOTE: It turns out many things you loved as a kid are also gay icons...try watching THE WIZARD OF OZ and remember this.

Anyhow, curious readers must be asking themselves: Why is Duner bringing this up now?  Well, last month the NEW YORK STATE LEGISLATURE legalized gay marriage.  And, since SESAME STREET is based in Manhattan, it only seemed logical that BERT and ERNIE finally legitimize their gay relationship as well.  Overnight, the New York LGBT community got cooking.  Online petitions, Facebook pages and Twitter campaigns popped up demanding our two favorite puppets tie the knot.  It would show kids that: "Gay marriage and homosexuality in general deserve tolerance."

Not so, says the CHILDREN'S TELEVISION WORKSHOP.  In response to these online demands, Public Television did not waver.  Proud of their lovable characters, they issued a statement designed to finally clear the air regarding our favorite friends.  "Bert and Ernie have lived together for decades as best of friends." CTW began. "Like college roommates in a cramped dorm, they share the same bedroom, sleeping in separate single beds. They were created to teach children about friendship that transcends radical differences in personality, a la “The Odd Couple”

All of this must be confusing to children.  It takes something simple and adds a bunch of adult concepts like marriage, homosexuality and law.  All of which brings me back to the initial reason why I loved BERT and ERNIE in the first place.  I wanted to grow up and have a friendship just like them.  Nothing more, nothing less.
 

   

AUG 9 SYRIA NEEDS TO GET RID OF BASHIR AL-ASSAD

AUG 9  SYRIA NEEDS TO GET RID OF BASHIR AL-ASSAD

I know...I know...we are all sick and tired of the ARAB SPRING. First of all, it's August. We're in late summer, not spring. Second of all, Arab Revolutions are only good when the tyrant dictator is actually disposed. We cheered loudly when ZINE EL ABIDINE fled Tunisia after 23 years of one-party government.  Everyone loved it when a weak and frail HOSNI MUBARAK was forced into exile after 30 years of military rule.  However...the Arab Revolution in Libya hasn't been any fun: Crazy ol' GHADAFI is still livin' large in his Tripoli penthouse.  Okay...finally, the main reason were all sick and tired of the ARAB SPRING is because we here at the DUNER BLOG don't believe the Arabs will ever be able to agree on any thing in any season!

Which brings us to our current participant in this dubious competition: SYRIA. Over the weekend, another hundred civilians died during violent protests in the Southern city of Hama. Anyone who's seen the movie LAWRENCE OF ARABIA can tell you what's the problem.  The Arabs just can't "get along." Small disagreements quickly escalate into armed combat.   After the first World War, the Middle East had a golden opportunity to create new political entities...perhaps a 'United Arab States' or a vast Arabian Kingdom. Unfortunately the only one who could agree on anything was our favorite Englishman, T.E. Lawrence.  The angry Arabs became embroiled in petty infighting, which opened the door for Britain and France to come in.  They drew up the silly countries that are falling apart today.

As we all know, the two biggest groups of Arabs who refuse to 'get along' are the Shi'ites and the Sunnis.  Just like in the streets of Baghdad, these two groups are going at it in Southern Syria. You see, BASHIR AL-ASSAD is a Shi'ite from the Alawite sect.  While Alawites comprise only 20% of Syria's population, they make up 70% of the armed forces and 100% of the government.  With this unfair monopoly, the Al-Assad family and have controlled all aspects of Syria for the last 30 years. Since the people in charge of Syria are Shi'tes, they receive military and financial aid from the largest Shi'ite nation on earth: IRAN. Billions of Iranian Rials have been funneled from Tehran to Damascus over the years making the Syrian army quite powerful.  At the moment, they are killing unarmed Sunni civilians and no one really cares.

Wait!  Someone does care about unarmed Sunni civilians!  The Saudi King ABDULLAH!  Yesterday, he closed up the Saudi embassy in Damascus and issued a bunch of mean statements about Bashir.  He called the killings in Hama "grotesque and abhorrent" and that they "have nothing to do with religion."  C'mon, Abdhullah!  It has everything to do with religion.  You're playing a chess game with the Shi'ite Iranians.  They just made a move in Syria.  You just knocked down a Shi'ite revolution in Bahrain last April.  This type of tit-for-tat warfare between these two large, powerful Islamic sects is exactly what drove T.E. Lawrence crazy a century ago.

Unfortunately, nations like Syria are doomed to civil unrest until their citizens can put aside their religious and ethnic differences for the greater good of all.  Syria is a mess.  We forgot to mention the 10% of the population who are CHRISTIAN.  (Their alliance with Bashir is looking horrible at the moment.)  And we won't even start with the DRUZE or KURD populations living in the mountains.  (Talk about hatred!)  Nope, we here at the DUNER BLOG believe the real hope for Syria (and the Middle East) lies in the only thing that unites them all: the Arabic Language.  The younger generations throughout the region have been united by technological advances that are based in a common tongue.  They are talking about Arab peace and co-existence.  To us, that's the real message of the ARAB SPRING!  Are you listening, BASHIR AL-ASSAD?

AUG 2 ANGKOR WAT IS BEING DESTROYED BY TOURISTS

AUG 2 ANGKOR WAT IS BEING DESTROYED BY TOURISTS

For nearly one thousand years, Cambodia's mighty temples at ANGKOR WAT have survived the worst.  They've weathered hundreds of vicious typhoons.  They've endured thousands of horrendous floods. They've withstood the fierce assaults from the armies of China, Thailand and India.   The ruins even withstood heavy bombardment from the Viet-Cong.   Heck, they were the one of the few things in Cambodia to survive a decade of abuse from the world's worst dictator ever, POL POT.  (Hiss!)  However, the ancient Khmer ruins are proving to be no match against the most ravenous invaders of them all: TOURISTS!

What?  You've never even heard of ANGKOR WAT?  According to their website, it's the "World's Largest Religious Building."  Alright, let's take a quick trip back to the year 1113 AD.  That's when the mighty King SURYAVARMAN II came to the throne.  His 30-year reign was the 'Golden Age' for Cambodia as his kingdom was five times larger than the current nation.  His empire encompassed all of modern-day Thailand, Laos, Vietnam and parts of Malaysia...Wow!  A devout Hindu, SURYAVARMAN II constructed a massive complex of temples, galleries, towers, cloisters, moats and reflective pools to honor his favorite deity, Vishnu.  Centuries later, when the Khmer converted to Buddhism, so did the temples.  ANGKOR WAT became a holy site for both faiths.  However, over the last century, neglect has ruined the ruins.

Things began to change in 1990 when the evil Khmer Rouge was finally overthrown.  The new Cambodian government eased travel restrictions and began rehabilitating the massive site.  "Bucket List" tourists worldwide jumped at the chance to see ANGKOR WAT and the number of visitors has risen exponentially.  In 1999, there were 60,000 tourists.  This year, they expect two million visitors.  Construction of the new airport is under way, so by 2020, six million people are expected to arrive.  These people need a place to stay, so the nearby town, Siem Reip, the closest village, has mushroomed into a miniature Las Vegas.  It now boasts 320 hotels, 550 restaurants and countless massage parlors.  There's even a Swensen Ice Cream Parlor.  RICKY MARTIN was just there!

Unfortunately, after you live La Vida Loca there is the inevitable hangover.  The government of Cambodia is completely overwhelmed by the tourism phenomenon.  It simply cannot protect ANGKOR WAT, its most precious commodity.  Signs on the small fences forbid tourists from climbing on the ruins...but for the wrong reason.  They merely warn people that when they climb on the ancient temples, they do so "at their own risk."  Ancient stone monuments are no match for Banana Republic rubber boot soles.  Also, Cambodia's tiny infrastructure cannot handle the intense demand.  It's no secret that all raw sewage is simply dumped into the nearby Tonle Sap Lake.  JEFF MORGAN of the Global Heritage Fund bluntly says: "Tourist management sucks.  They've had twenty years to work on it!"

However, according to PHILIPPE DELANGHE of UNESCO, the most pressing problem at Angkor Wat isn't graffiti or trash.  Rather, Philippe is worried the ground underneath the complex.  The temples were built on not so solid ground.  This delicate balance between sand and water is suddenly being drastically altered, as water is currently being pumped into Siem Reap at an alarming rate.  It's needed in the hotels, restaurants, massage parlors and...most importantly...to water the new 18-hole golf course!  In fact, the most visited site, the Banyan temple, is already slipping into a sinkhole.  So...if you're planning a trip to ANGKOR WAT anytime soon...please keep your carbon footprint in mind.  And, most importantly, NO GOLF!