DEC 2 CHRISTMAS TREE CONTROVERSY IN BERLIN

DEC 2 CHRISTMAS TREE CONTROVERSY IN BERLIN

Ah...it's finally December! And what better way to start the holiday season than for everyone to gather at the town square for a CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING FESTIVAL. And no one knows how to do a Christmas trees quite like the Germans...after all they invented them! And one of the most famous tree-lighting events takes place in Charlottenberg, one of Berlin's oldest and quaintest neighborhoods. People huddled together at sunset on the cobblestone platz near the cathedral, anxiously awaiting the unveiling of the tree. But, to every one's horror, the usual stately fir was replaced by an odd modern-art monstrosity: A 90-foot high, 40-foot wide white balloon with a huge gold star on top. "IS NOTHING SACRED?" shocked Berliners screamed!

Duner's favorite German tabloid, Die Bild, quickly took up the story and has unleashed a fury of opinion. On one side, we have a modern viewpoint. Deforestation is a serious problem in Northern Europe. Even though rigorous reforms have saved huge amounts of forestland, man-made problems, like pollution and climate change, continue to threaten one of the world's oldest timberlands. And...as we all know...Germans LOVE to hike in the forests. So why do we really need to cut down a two-hundred year-old tree just for a holiday celebration? Germany prides itself on having the first major environmental political party back in 1980's (the Greens). Where is that progressive spirit now?

On the other side, we have the traditionalist Germans, who pride themselves on having the first Christmas tree. Uh-oh...sounds like it's time for another HISTORY LESSON!! (Don't you just love the Duner-blog?) As the legend goes...way back, around the year 700, the area around modern-day Berlin was still under the control of Norse Vikings. As always, they were at odds with the Catholics who refused to worship their gods. One daring priest, St. Bonafice, went to a Norse encampment and chopped down the sacred TREE OF THOR. He took the majestic fir back to his church and Christianity and fir trees have been linked since. However, it wasn't until seven hundred years later that the tree would specifically represent Christmas. In the 1500's, MARTIN LUTHER championed the Christmas tree as a protestant counterpart to the Catholic nativity scene.

Sorry...you know how I get when I start telling history lessons! Back to Berlin. Recently, the controversy has quelled. Sure, the tree...or balloon...is still gracing the square in Charlottenburg. But thankfully, there are dozens of other squares in the German capital that still have a magnificently decorated Tannenbaum to enjoy. Sure, you may have to go all the way to Potsdam, but at least all in Berlin can agree on one thing: Christmas is a time for everyone to enjoy, environmentalists, traditionalists, Norse Vikings and you!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Nov 18 R.I.P. FOR THE SONY WALKMAN

Nov. 18 R.I.P. FOR THE SONY WALKMAN

Sad news out of Tokyo this week. After over thirty years of production, the SONY CASSETTE WALKMAN will no longer be manufactured. One of the most iconic devises ever produced, the Walkman was one of the more successful as well. Sony estimates some 200 million were sold all over the world during the last three decades. Sales hit an all-time high in 1984 when it was prominently featured in the movie Back to the Future. (Remember when McFly listened to it while skateboarding?) Anyhow, old school folks from around the world let out a collective sigh. After all, 2010 is a big year for Sony to be retiring treasured tech items. Earlier this year, the FLOPPY DISC was also laid to rest. What is happening to this world?

Techies everywhere were not the least bit surprised. To them, the Walkman's retirement was long overdue. First, no one listens to cassette tapes anymore. To them, tapes were already replaced twenty years ago by CDs. True, by 1990, portable CD players had pushed the Walkman lower on the shelves of Radio Shack. In the year 2000, i-pods and mp3 players were released. They were one twentieth the size of the Walkman yet could hold 100 times more music. Why would anyone carry around a half-pound tape player? Well, despite these advances in technology, still, many die-hard fans didn't care about the number of songs per ounce and continued to lug around their favorite toy.

Why did so many cling to their Walkmans? Well, let's go back to 1979, the initial year of the Walkman's release. It didn't sell very well at first--a mere 3,000 sold in the first month--but soon became the most sought-after device on the cool parts of planet earth. Prior to the walkman, recorded music was only enjoyed at home. People would buy LP records at the store and take them home. Everyone had large stereos with fancy turntables. Folks would play recorded music through speakers or large headphones and listen in the living room. Radios, on the other hand, were portable, but when it came to listening to what YOU wanted to hear, you were stuck at home.

The Walkman (originally called the SOUND-ABOUT...that didn't last long!) changed the way everyone listened to music. Now your living room was everywhere. You could take your Led Zeppelin album with you to the park, mall, on the bus...you were never without your music. This phenomeon, started by the little walkman, has turned into a global trend. Now it's weird to see someone who doesn't have a headphones in their ears...or worse yet...that stupid Star Trek toy: The dreaded BLUETOOTH! Thanks a lot AKIO MORITA and MASARU IBUKA! Our streets will never be quiet again!

NOV 9 NEW ERA IN USA / INDIA RELATIONSHIPS

NOV 9 NEW ERA IN USA / INDIA RELATIONSHIPS

Move over China, the USA has a new best friend. We love India now! What began as mere flirting has suddenly become an official romance. Yesterday, US President BARACK OBAMA and Indian Prime Minister MANMOHAN SINGH embraced on a podium in New Delhi. Their love will no longer be hidden, with shady corporate deals made in dive bars and cheap motels. Nope, as of today, they are in officially in love. And haven't you heard...how they rock each other's worlds? (Did anyone get my AVRIL LAVIGNE song reference? I hope not).

Anyhow, in a state visit to the Indian capital, Obama got a little carried away. In the THREE DAY whirlwind romance, Barack hugged the Prime Minister and then spoke to Parliament. He told them: "I want every Indian citizen know: We will be right there with you, shoulder to shoulder, because we believe in the promise of India." (Wow! Does he realize there are a billion Indian citizens? That's a lot of shoulders!) Next, he'll be giving the other Pradeshis a little love. He'll go to Bangalore to visit a US owned company and dismiss all those 'Out-sorcing' claims. He'll go to Mumbai and denounce Islamic terrorism (always a good idea on Indian state visits.) And of course, he'll announce a lot of new trade deals. Talk about love!

But Obama's biggest bombshell on this visit involves an invitation. Barack wants INDIA on the UN Security Council. And not just in a rotating seat...No, Obama wants India to have a PERMANENT SEAT on the Security Council. This is really big news! Since the United Nations founding way back in 1945, there have been five..and only five...permanent seats on the top council. Naturally, given the date, these were the victors of World War II. Specifically the USA, USSR, UK, FRANCE and CHINA. There's been a name change or two, but these five have been in control of the UN for the past 65 years. They have veto power over another and never get anything done...but still...they are the five countries in charge. Period.

By officially backing India's bid to join the council, Barack has unleashed a Pandora's box. After all, he is proposing to re-write a world-wide constitution of nations that has been ratified by two hundred countries. Not surprisingly, a wave of jealously and fury has swept into the media around the world. It is especially angry in nations who dispute India's admission and their omission. (Come on...everyone wants to join the world's Big Boy Club and party like an international player!) Japan and Germany have the third and fourth largest economies...why aren't they in? Brazil is also mad...they're big and developing too! (I'm just curious...why does France get to KEEP their seat?) Big questions. No answers.

While it will likely take decades to change the UN Security Council, Obama is definitely giving India everything it could possibly hope for in a state visit: Trade Agreements, Photo Opportunities, Business Luncheons and Prime-Minister hugging. But don't be fooled by everything you see. As HARMEET pointed out, there is one group who is definitely not feeling the love: The SIKHS! Apparently, he had planned to visit the GOLDEN TEMPLE in the Punjab, but cancelled when he was informed he'd have to cover his head to enter. Worried about the triumphant TEA-PARTY at home, he figured he'd skip that one photo...after all, it would be the only photo most US newspapers would print anyhow.

NOV 1 HUGE PROTESTS IN TIBET: NO ONE CARES

NOV 1 HUGE PROTESTS IN TIBET: NO ONE CARES

Hey...didja hear about those San Francisco Giants? Yeah...they're about to win their first WORLD SERIES in 55 years? Of course you've heard! Well, it's everywhere in the news. Hey...didja hear about these nasty elections? Yeah...there's been more negative ads and speeches than a Klu Klux Klan meeting? Of course you've heard! It's everywhere in the news. Hey...didja hear about those vicious protests in Tibet? Yeah...the Chinese are at it again, beating up defenseless monks with batons again. Oh you MISSED THAT! Of course you did! It's no where in the news.

Sorry about the rant...this is MONDAY BOB after all...anyhow...here's what's happening in Tibet: The Han government in Beijing recently announced that the Tibetan language will no longer be taught in grammar schools in the 'autonomous' region of Tibet. Instead, all classes will be conducted solely in Mandarin. Currently, most elementary schools are conducted in Tibetan and High Schools are taught in Chinese. This makes sense since both languages are needed for adults to function in the region. Tibetan is the language of the people, while Chinese is the language of the government. But to eliminate the teaching of Tibetan at the age when language skills develop the most is an unsettling development in a long history of strife between China and Tibet. Thousands have taken to the streets in protest.

Did I say LONG HISTORY? Okay, I'll make it a SHORT HISTORY. Since the average elevation of Tibet is 16,000 feet (higher than any place in the 48 contiguous states), it has remained pretty isolated from the rest of the world. The only real colonization of the Tibetan people occurred two thousand years ago, when Buddhist monks first visited. Over time, a unique form of the religion evolved into a theocracy, which would be led by men called the DALLI LAMA. The only nation to ever try to conquer the 'rooftop of the world' was, of course, China. A peace treaty signed in 824 stayed largely in effect until 1900's, when a slow, methodical annexation began to take place. While the US was able to halt, or at least slow, Chinese military aims in Korea and Vietnam, Tibet was not so lucky and became part of the People's Republic.

But the recent action by Beijing has clearly gone too far, and the fragile relationship between the two immense cultures has once again become inflamed. “Language is the foundation of Tibetan culture and this recent attack reveals the Chinese governments’ sinister attempt to assimilate Tibetans into Chinese society,” said Tenzin Choedon, national director of Students for a Free Tibet. Indeed, this recent incursion is much less subtle than the last event, which involved the new, direct train service between Lhasa and the Western metropolises. Tibetans worried it would result in a flood of Chinese people, commerce and culture. Beijing replied that Tibet must be the only place in the world to protest government funded train service. We'll let this one play out some more.

Instead, let's get back to the schools. Tibetan is the language of preference for some eight million people. It's also one of the world's oldest known languages, with it's own unique alphabet, which was loosely borrowed from Sanskrit a couple thousand years ago. It was one of the first languages to employ rules of grammar, which impressed the British when they first arrived here 300 years ago. “It is the inalienable right of every Tibetan to learn in their own language. We call on governments around the world to press the Chinese government to respect Tibetan language rights,” said Tenzin Dorjee, executive director of Students for a Free Tibet. But, as usual, only RICHARD GERE and a handful of Berkeley hippies with "Free Tibet" bumper stickers will take notice.

OCT 21 WORLD'S LONGEST TUNNEL OPENS

OCT 21 WORLD'S LONGEST TUNNEL OPENS

Workers, engineers, politicans and truckers all cheered under a sky of fireworks in the Southern Swiss city of Bodio this week. They had just finished the final bore through dense Alpine limestone, completing a decade of exhausting work by 2,500 workers from just about every single European nation. When other nations are cutting down on grand, expensive projects, Switzerland was able to hold her head high, and claim a superlative in the engineering world: Earth's longest tunnel! Long live the Gotthard!

Not that it was cheap to build. All in all, it took TEN BILLION DOLLARS to construct. But we must remember, it was approved in a series of ballot measures and complicated referendums, which began back in 1988 when people had money. Opposition at first was overpowering. Since the population of Switzerland is only eight million, it meant that every man, woman and child would have to pony up $1,300 to build the darn tunnel. But, the Swiss are rich, and politicians united the nation with one, hard-to-dispute simple fact. Whether you live in a tiny hamlet or in a Lake Geneva downtown chalet, the tunnel is good for the environment. And no one wants diesel fuel in the bottled alpine water.

When the original GOTTHARD TUNNEL was built, in 1888, it too was the longest tunnel in the world. It connected Zurich to Milan and opened up the heart of Switzerland to the outside world. It was hailed as an engineering milestone. But, over the last 130 years, the highways between Switzerland and Italy became a lot more crowded. Something like 1.2 million trucks spew heaps of exhaust as the twist and churn up the steep Alpine slopes on each side. The new tunnel will cut train travel time by 1.5 hours between Zurich and Milan as travelers will be swept under the Alps at 153.4 miles per hour! Since 70% of Switzerland's cargo is moved by rail, this will eliminate tons of waste.

So, for the time being, the Swiss have trumped the Japanese, whose SEIKAN tunnel, built in 1988, connects HONSHU with HOKAIDDO, Japan's two largest islands. But is was close: The Gotthard is 35.4 miles to the Seikan's 33.5 miles. But don't worry: You can still take the old route, made famous by such Alpine explorers as HANNIBAL and DUNER. It is one my favorite train routes on earth and highly recommended, no matter how much exhaust it takes.

OCT 13 IT'S GOOD TO BE A TRAPPED CHILEAN MINER

OCT 13 IT'S GOOD TO BE A TRAPPED CHILEAN MINER

If you haven't heard about the 33 trapped Chilean miners you must be stuck in an even deeper cave! But...since there is always one person who has no idea what I'm talking about...let's do a quick re-cap. Disaster struck the SAN JOSE MINE in the remote Andes mountains near Chile's ATACAMA DESERT. Shifting soils resulted an an underground avalanche some two thousand feet below the surface, trapping the workers underneath. For two weeks, there was no contact and the miners were feared dead. Then, using astounding SONAR technology, they were located. It took an army of engineers, but they were eventually rescued, surviving the longest known entrapment in history...a whopping 69 days!

It's true: There is something about being trapped in a bottomless pit, or a wishing well or a dragon's cave, that tugs at every one's heartstrings. Maybe it's a metaphor of endless despair. Or perhaps some deep fear we all have about being trapped, physically and mentally. But for whatever reason, everyone in the world was wondering what was going to happen to these 'troubled-thirty-three' miners. Hence, it came as no surprise that when the first miner appeared to see precious sunlight for the first time in three months, it quickly became one of the most watched items ever on the Internet.

And...if it is one of the most watched items on the Internet...everyone wants a piece of the action. So these miners, who three months ago were just 'Average Josés' who willing to risk their lives over $1,500 a month, are now worldwide celebrities. Don't believe me? Okay, upon arrival on the surface, they will need to wear sunglasses to protect their dilated pupils. So they will be given special, designer shades made and donated by an upscale Italian company and valued at $500 a pair. Next, they are handed checks, from dozens of companies around the world totalling $5,000 each. They can soothe their eardrums with new i-Pods signed by STEVE JOBS himself.

After a couple of days in hospital for checks and recovery, they will have to choose from a number of invitations. All 33 can go to a Greek Isle for two week's rest offered by a Greek travel consortium. SIR BOBBY CHALTON, the owner of famed soccer club MANCHESTER UNITED has invited the lads to a stay at OLD TRAFFLAR for front row seats at an upcoming match. (All the miners are big soccer fans!). One miner, EDISON PENA is a huge Elvis fan and requested his albums to pass the time. So it comes as no surprise the GRACELAND THEME PARK has invited him to Tennessee for a private tour.

Then, there are the gifts. The whole thing kind of feels like a game show. "Tell the audience what the trapped miners have won, Bob!" "Well, sure, Ted! In addition to the Greek and British holidays, our trapped miners will receive a year's worth of delicious Chilean wines, made from some of the oldest vines in the continent. They'll also enjoy the taste of SUSHI X, (a Japanese restaurant chain) who is giving each trapped miner a year's worth of FREE SUSHI. (Hope they don't deliver it all at once!). And then there's free beer, sodas and...of course...TURTLE WAX!"

Sorry, got carried away, just like FLO FROM PROGRESSIVE. Anyhow, perhaps the luckiest miner is VICTOR SEGOVIA, who from the first day forward, kept a written journal of the entire entrapment. As the only one to do so, this exclusive book has publishers salivating all across the world. Not to mention the TV interviews, exclusive tabloid reports and Internet chats. But my favorite has to be the endorsement offers. One is to plug drills and the other is for a sex aid vitamin. Hey...what were those guys doing down there???

OCT 5 OKTOBERFEST SETS CHICKEN EATING RECORD

OCT 5 OKTOBERFEST SETS CHICKEN EATING RECORD

Yesterday, the mightiest of German festivals, OKTOBERFEST, officially came to a close. And this year's fest set some pretty impressive accomplishments. As always, those meticulous Germans love to make annual announcements about each year's OKTOBERFEST. And, as always, the figures are amazingly accurate. In 2010, 66,436 hectolitres (what is that?) of beer were drank, 116,923 sausages were eaten...and...488,137 chickens were consumed. A NEW RECORD!

Having attended this esteemed event, I thought it might be helpful for DUNER to share some brief items about OKTOBERFEST. Read them, laugh at them, then file them away in a corner of your brain. Next time you're at a restaurant and some one's friend's boyfriend is visiting from Stuttgart and you end up stuck talking with him while waiting for your table, you can throw out some of these fascinating tidbits. Because...love it or hate it...EVERY GERMAN PERSON has an opinion on OKTOBERFEST. And...love it or hate it...EVERY GERMAN PERSON... absolutely believes that their opinion on the matter is, in fact, the correct one!

First thing: This year's OKTOBERFEST was an import milestone for the festival, as it marked the 200th anniversary of the initial event. Indeed, the exact date was October 12, 1810. At the time, there was no united "Germany," just an enormous patchwork of Royal Kingdoms, Church-owned Principalities and 'free' trading cities. One of largest such states was the proud Kingdom of Bavaria, where King Ludwig the First was about to be wed to Princess Therese of Saxony. To celebrate such a momentous event, two weeks worth of pre-wedding festivities were being held in the capital, Munich. On the 12th, to the delight of the citizenry, the two royals raced each other on horseback around a lush meadow. What a stupendous October fest!

Since everyone had such a great time, it was decided to repeat the two week celebration every October. In 1835 the first inaugural parade was held. The parade was led the Munchen Kindl, which were dozens of boys dressed by a local monastery. They would serve as the inspiration for the Munchkins in Frank Baum's novel THE WIZARD OF OZ. In 1880, electric lights were installed for the first time. And guess who screwed them in? ALBERT EINSTEIN, of course! He was twenty at the time and worked for his uncle's hardware store. But not all Oktoberfest times are good. The festival has been cancelled 23 times for wars. The longest such stoppage was for the Prussian war, which would eventually result in the end of the Bavarian Kingdom. And there was that awful time in 1854 when a nasty outbreak of cholera killed 4,000 people in Munich. No celebrating that year!

Finally, here are three personal DUNER OKTOBERFEST TIPS: 1. Eat the chicken. They will serve you an entire bird. Eat it all; you'll need the base in your stomach and it's easier to digest than sausage. 2. Watch out for the steins. These large glasses hold a liter of beer and weigh a hefty 1.3 kg (2.9 lbs). While thefts are down, stein assaults are up. 3. Avoid the meadow. Since 1960, the famous site of the horse races is now a grassy meadow. At night, it becomes a very shady place, with amazingly drunk people stumbling around in varying states of consciousness. Even though the bathroom line may be long, don't pee on the tree!!