JAN 26 ROWDY TOURISTS INVADE NEW ZEALAND

JAN 26  ROWDY TOURISTS INVADE NEW ZEALAND

A natural disaster that has crippled New Zealand's North Island for two weeks is finally over. What has been terrorizing the nation?  Was it a hurricane? Earthquake? Volcanic eruption? Nope, it was something much, much worse: A large family from Liverpool on a ten-day vacation. Their reign of terror began in the largest city and then spiraled out of control into the countryside, leaving behind a trail of trash a kilometer wide.

Meet the Doran's. Like many people these days, they watched the Lord of the Rings movies and decided to book a holiday to New Zealand. After landing in Auckland International, they parked the rental car a loading zone in front of the hotel, garnering four citations. Next, they headed to scenic Takapura Beach. After claiming a prime spot, they proceeded to drink dozens of lagers and eat copious amounts of fish and chips. When finished, they left behind heaps of rubbish. When asked by the locals to pick up their waste, the Brits thoughtfully replied: "I'll bash your fu**ing head in, mate!"

A couple days later, the charming Liverpudlians headed north to Hamilton. Along the way, the police pulled them over. Turns out the Doran's didn't know about car seats for babies. No worries! Kiwi cops are kind, and they all went to the Tesco together to purchase and install the legal car seats. Sensing they were in a compassionate country, the family struck again at a BP gas station. They filled up the tank, got more snacks and some sunglasses...then drove away without paying.

By this point, social media nationwide had informed New Zealanders about the terrible tourists and their destruction. Not surprisingly, the normally docile Kiwis were up in arms. One lady tweeted: 'How dare the limeys disrespect us so?' Things came to a head on Monday afternoon at a Burger King. See, the Whoppers served to the Doran's were disgusting. So they threw the food on the floor and cursed the kitchen crew. Authorities arrived and the family was deported back to the UK. When they arrived at the airport, throngs of media were there, celebrating the end of the national disaster.

While the Doran's are gone, New Zealanders are left grappling with a new reality. Tourism has been growing rapidly in the remote country. Almost 4 million people visited last year...surpassing 2016's record. Soon, the number of annual visitors will be greater than the population of New Zealand (4.8 million). Sadly, the Kiwis are discovering the downside of living in mythical Middle Earth.

JAN 18 WHICH CITY APPEARS IN THE MOST SONG LYRICS?

JAN 18  WHICH CITY APPEARS IN THE MOST SONG LYRICS?

The Research and Development Team here at the DUNER BLOG spends countless hours scouring the Internet for life-changing studies. This week, they found a gem. It comes from an unlikely source, Celebrity Cruises. They analyzed each of the 200,000+ songs that made it onto either the US or UK pop charts. They counted each time a geographic location appears in the lyrics. Here's the results:

New York City is on the top, being mentioned in 161 songs. Frank Sinatra did it best in the 1950's...he included the state name as well. In the 1970's Billy Joel had a New York State of Mind, while twenty years later, Jay-Z had an Empire State of Mind. In second place is London. Since the British charts are included in the study, an iconic song like The Clash's 'London Calling' is included. It hit #11 in the UK, but never cracked the US Billboard charts. Wow...That's some stellar research!

The third, fourth and fifth place spots are all basically the same place: Los Angeles (88), California (68) and Hollywood (66). Singing about the Golden State got off to a roaring start in the sixties, with the Beach Boys leading the way. Interestingly, Randy Newman's anthem 'I Love L.A.' never charted, but Kool & the Gang's 'Hollywood Swinging' did. Go figure. Rounding out the top ten is Paris, Miami, New Orleans, Brooklyn and Rome.

An interesting finding in the study was the celebration of geography in the rap and hip-hop genre. See, rappers love to boast about the places they're from. Harlem came in at #15 and Compton is #19. Rappers also love to boast about the places they've been. Canadian singer Drake mentions 29 different places in his hits...which is tops of any artist. In second place in this category is Jay-Z. He references 26 locales...including Versailles and Rotterdam...in his tracks.

See? This study links two of your favorite things: Tunes and Travel. "Music can inspire where we travel and bring back emotive memories of the places where we've been," explains Jo Rzymowska, the person at Celebrity Cruises who headed the research. She's right: Once upon a time I was driving a minivan across the George Washington Bridge at midnight when 'Hold On' by Wilson Philips came on the radio. Every time I've heard that dreadful song since, I'm back on that spectacular bridge over the Hudson River.
 

JAN 12 FAQ'S ABOUT ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ

JAN 12  FAQ'S ABOUT ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ

The most talked-about person on Capitol Hill this year must be Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Outspoken, brash and overly confident, the 29-year old representative stole headlines in the first week of the new Congressional session. Not surprisingly, our mailbox is jammed full of questions about the youngest woman EVER to serve in Congress. Let's get started:

What's her background? Cindy, Phoenix. Alexandria is a Libra, so she's intellectual and principled, but also extremely argumentative. (Curiously, she shares a birthday (Oct. 13) with Margaret Thatcher.) Both of her parents are Puerto Rican: Her mother (Blanca Cortez) was born there, father Sergio Ocasio is second-generation. Born in the Bronx, she was raised in suburban Westchester County. An excellent student, she graduated cum laude from Boston University. Like many today, she found few job opportunities after college so Alexandria worked as a bartender at Flats Fix in Union Square. In fact, she was working there less than a year ago!

Is she a Socialist or a Democrat? Justin, Boston. She's both! AOC is a card-carrying member of the Dem. Socialist Party, the current incarnation of the political party made famous by Eugene V. Debs a century ago. However, it's impossible to get into Congress today unless you're part of the two-party stranglehold, so she became a Democrat and boldly challenged ten-time incumbent Joe Crowley for his Bronx/Queens district. Despite endorsements from Gov. Cuomo, Sen. Schumer and Mayor de Blassio, he lost the primary to AOC. "You can't beat big money with more money," she quipped. Less than 1% of Crowley's $34 million were from small, individual contributors. Over 75% of AOC's $1 million came from this group.

Why do so many people hate her? Sophy, Seattle. It's true...she doesn't have many friends on Capitol Hill. Crowley was popular. With the 4th longest tenure among Dems, he was being tabbed to become a future Speaker. His replacement is the opposite, and the hallowed walls of the 212 year-old building aren't exactly ready for a boisterous 29 year-old Bronx babe. "Sit still and learn the job," instructed Whoopi Goldberg. Republicans hate her proposal of a 70% income tax on the ultra-wealthy ($10+ million annual salaries). Here, she has the Duner Blog's backing. Next year, the net worth of the world's 1% top earners will surpass that of the combined wealth of the remaining 99%. That's wrong, and AOC is only one brave enough to admit it.

Is she married? Tom, San Diego. Just look at that smile! Believe it or not, Alexandria is both stunning and single. But don't get too hopeful, gents. She is in a serious relationship. Riley Roberts met her at a symposium at Boston U. Since then, the two have been a serious item. He's a redhead from Arizona who works as a web designer. Yawn. They've lived together in the Bronx for years and he has relocated to DC with her. However, don't ask Alexandria about her boyfriend. She keeps her private life private. The two are rarely photographed together and she never talks about him on social media.

Do you think she'll be a force in the future? Rahul, Mumbai. With only five days on the job, it's way too early to tell. While Alexandria has a great vision of America's future (no tuition for college, universal health care) she does need to listen to Whoopi. Like Trump, she likes to govern via Twitter. Her two million followers loved it when she posted "Who dat?" yesterday. Just remember, dear, you won the primary by doing the most low-tech thing ever: Showing up to the debate and having your opponent, Over-Confident Crowley, send an intern.

JAN 5 THE WORLD'S MOST DANGEROUS AIRPORTS

JAN 5  THE WORLD'S MOST DANGEROUS AIRPORTS

Happy New Year from the Duner Blog! If you're like us, you likely spent some time during the holidays on a plane. And...no matter how many times you fly...landings always cause anxiety. It always looks like the plane is going into the bay at Oakland Airport. It always feels like the plane is landing in the harbor at Boston's Logan International. But guess what? On Simple Flying's latest rankings of scary airports, you won't find any in America! Here are five entries we suggest avoiding:

Tenzing-Hillary Airport, Nepal. Most world travelers have Mount Everest on their bucket list. They would think twice about visiting the legendary peak after learning about the nearest airport. With an altitude of 9,334 feet, it's one of the highest passenger airports on earth. With one runway at 1,729 feet, it's one of the shortest on earth. It's only open during the day to tiny aircraft and helicopters. It has no lights and little electricity. Despite these dreary stats, 119,000 people took the short flight here from Kathmandu last year.

Princess Juliana Airport, St. Maarten. Like England and France, Holland still owns a couple islands in the Caribbean Sea.  Seven and half islands to be exact. Where is the half? The island of St. Maarten. See, the French own the northern half, and the Dutch rule the remaining 14 square miles to the South. It's hard to squeeze in an airport among the hotels, resorts, casinos and the golf course...so it's nestled in precariously close to the main beach. We're talking one block away. This entry is more scary for the beach goers than the airline passengers!

Gibraltar International Airport. Even smaller than St. Maarten, this famous British colony clocks in with a mere three square miles. The solution to finding room for an airport in cramped Gibraltar is to use the city streets as runways. Numerous times daily, auto traffic on Churchill Avenue is suspended whenever a plane arrives. The lights used are similar to those blinking railway crossing barriers. Expect more interruptions: EasyJet is now offering daily direct flights from the U.K.

Damascus Airport, Syria. This entry has nothing to do with geographic issues. There are no steep cliffs, treacherous mountains or any ocean near Damascus. Nope, the problem here is the Civil War that has engulfed the Mideastern nation. For most of the six years of conflict, the airport has been shuttered. However, after the most recent ceasefire, it's open again. Seven daring airlines are providing service to the Syrian capital. The pilots are hoping that ISIS is running out of rocket launchers.

Tegucigalpa Airport, Honduras. Our final destination suffers from both issues. First, the approach to the ravine where the airport sits involves a dangerous 45-degree bank turn. We're not sure what that entails, but it has caused numerous crashes. The most recent, in 2008, saw an Airbus A320 sputter off the runway and on to a street. If you do manage to land safely, you'll find yourself in the heart of Honduras...one of the most lawless nations on earth. The highway to the airport is notorious for daring hit and run robberies, especially at night.

 

DEC 14 WHY DO WE KISS UNDER THE MISTLETOE?

DEC 14  WHY DO WE KISS UNDER THE MISTLETOE?

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! It's the time of year when tradition makes us do things we would never do in any other month than December. We place trees inside the house. We hang socks near the fire. We wait for a magic man to slide down the chimney. Sure, we all do these activities, but have you ever wondered HOW these traditions started? Of course you do! That's why you read the DUNER BLOG. So let's tackle one of yuletide's quirkiest rituals: Kissing under the mistletoe.

First, let's examine the plant itself. Mistletoe is a parasitic species, meaning it depends on another plant for survival. Botanists have identified around 1,500 different types of mistletoe, found on six continents. What makes mistletoe unique is its ability to stay green year round. That's because it's not dependent on rainfall or good soil like other plants. It just steals nutrients and water from the host tree. In fact, its scientific name is Phoradendron, which is Greek for "thief of the tree." It's toxic to humans, but birds love it. They are the ones who spread the seeds from tree to tree.

However, it's Norse Mythology...not the Greeks...who gave mistletoe its notoriety. See, the goddess Frigg was a helicopter parent. She was sooo worried her son Baldur would harm himself in the cruel world outside, she cast a magic spell: Nothing that grew out of the earth could do him harm. Loki, the scheming evil deity, knew that mistletoe grew on trees, not in the ground. So he made an arrow from its sap and shot Baldur dead. When Frigg came upon him, her tears became the white berries on the mistletoe. Since she is the goddess of love, the plant gained an amorous reputation.

It wasn't until Victorian times when the tradition of kissing began. Bored servants are responsible for this. They decorated doorways with mistletoe for Christmas. Knowing the plant's romantic background, they came up with the game that a man must kiss whichever female was next to him when standing underneath. (Also, it's bad luck for a lass to refuse the gesture.) A print from 1795 showing "Saucy Joe" stealing a smooch from "Bridget the Cook" is the earliest known reference to the notion. Naturally, Charles Dickens is credited for the tradition's mass popularity. A couple ceremoniously kiss in The Pickwick Papers, written in 1837.

So there you have it! A Norse legend mixed in with a bit of Victorian nuttery equals a worldwide holiday tradition. Yet one has to wonder: In today's current, hyper-sensitive gender-equity world...how much longer will this sexist holiday tradition last? Let's face it: You can no longer pinch people for not wearing green on St. Patrick's Day. Valentine's Day card sales are plummeting. However, there is still some hope for sentimentalists: The current counter-outrage to radio stations banning the suggestive Christmas carol "Baby, It's Cold Outside."  So this holiday season, go ahead and try to steal a kiss under the old mistletoe. It could be your last chance!

DEC 8 PETA: NO MORE ANTI-ANIMAL IDIOMS

DEC 8  PETA: NO MORE ANTI-ANIMAL IDIOMS

Guess what? This week's most offensive tweet did NOT come from Donald Trump! Nope, this time the Internet is a flutter over a ridiculous tweet from the well-intended...yet often misguided...activists at PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). To explain: People support them when they lobby Congress for tighter regulation of poultry production plants. People ridicule them when they suggest outlandish ideas like this one. PETA wants to start using new, more humane, versions of common idioms: "Phrases that trivialize cruelty to animals must soon vanish." Let's begin by examining some examples of anti-animal language.

OLD: "Kill two birds with one stone."
NEW: "Feed two birds with one scone."
See how this works? One small group of people are telling the world's two billion English speakers to change how they speak. The problem is that people...in every language...prefer to use idioms for exclamation. It's boring to say. "Let's achieve two things at the same time." Instead, you use a lively phrase that dates back to Daedalus. Imprisoned in Crete, he would kill birds with a stone for their feathers. Quirky idioms just make a bolder point. And...finally...should be birds be eating scones? Baked sugar? That sounds unhealthy..

OLD: "Beat a dead horse."
NEW: "Feed a fed horse."
Here, the main idea is to stop wasting time by trying to accomplish something that is impossible. But, rather than using ten long words, we use four small ones to more graphically convey the point. That's just how language works. This idiom dates back to the 1800's when everyone got around town in a horse and buggy. It never got updated in the 1900's ('Start a broken car'?) probably because of the imagery it shows. Anyhow...again...PETA has a logic problem. Is feeding a horse that has already eaten a good idea? That sounds unhealthy..

OLD: 'Bring home the bacon."
NEW: "Bring home the bagels."
This phrase dates back to the 1100's, when the church would annually give bacon to married couples who 'demonstrated wedding bliss.' Over time, it evolved into more specific meaning. Not only can one earn enough to feed a family...but one can bring home a gourmet item like bacon. Yum. Most Americans remember the idiom from the Peggy Lee Song "I'm A Woman" and the corresponding Enjoli Perfume television commercial. At least this time, PETA doesn't have a conflicting message about anti-animal language.

As we mentioned, online reaction to the tweet has been enormous and irate. So much so, the folks at PETA felt the need to clarify matters. "This is not our primary focus by any means.." Ashley Byrne told the Washington Post. She reminded us not to take this too seriously; PETA, as always, is just "encouraging people to be kind." The lesson learned here is simple: It's always a big mistake to mess with something as sacred as English idioms. For whatever reason, people cherish them. Looks to us like PETA is 'eating crow' on this one. Oops. we mean PETA is 'eating snow' on this one.

NOV 30 AUTOMATED TELLER MACHINE (ATM) GIVES AWAY $100 BILLS

NOV 30  AUTOMATED TELLER MACHINE (ATM) GIVES AWAY $100 BILLS

Bank of America customers in a North Houston suburb got an early holiday gift earlier this week. An ATM (Automated Teller Machine) mistakenly began to dispense one hundred dollar bills instead of tens. Anyhow, word spread quickly over social media and dozens of folks hurried to the rogue bank machine. Soon, Harris County Sheriff's deputies stepped in to guard from any more use until it could be fixed. Although BofA hasn't stated how much money was lost, they did announce yesterday that all those who received extra cash can keep it.

We know what question you must be asking: What kind of ATM gives ten dollar bills? Only recently have American ATM's dispersed anything other than twenties. Interestingly enough, although the coveted twenty is the most used bill in the US, it comes in third place as the most dispersed currency note worldwide. Atop that list is the 50 Euro note, followed by the 100 Yuan bill. The first ever note taken from an ATM was ten pounds from Barclay's in London in 1967.

As you might have guessed...there are a gazillion ATM's worldwide. Okay, actually, it's estimated there are three million such devices on the planet. If you do the math, that means there is one ATM for every three thousand people. (The highest density is in the gambler's paradise of Macao.) They're found in stores, bars and on street corners. Somewhere on earth's seven continents, a new ATM opens up every three minutes!

Seven continents? Yep...there are two ATM's in Antarctica. They're found at the McMurdo Station, the largest science base in the South Pole. It's operated by Well's Fargo and only dispenses American money. At any given time, there are around 1,000 people there conducting research. And they need cold, hard cash! Fortunately, it's located indoors...unlike the highest-altitude ATM on earth. It's found in a roadside stop near the Khunjerab Pass in Pakistan. It's at 15,397 feet and can withstand temperatures down to -40 degrees Celsius.

Back to the ATM in Houston. While the employee responsible for loading the wrong cassette into the machine must feel horrible, at least it wasn't as bad as a similar snafu last year in nearby Corpus Christi. A bank employee inadvertently locked himself inside the machine while servicing. And...here's the terrifying part...he left his cellphone in the truck. However, he did have a low tech item that saved him: A pen. He scribbled a note on a receipt. When a customer read it, he was saved. ATMs are wacky indeed!