AUG 27 MEXICAN PRESIDENT WANTS TO CHANGE THE CONSTITUTION

AUG 27  MEXICAN  PRESIDENT WANTS TO CHANGE THE CONSTITUTION

!Dios Mio!  Did you hear the news from Mexico City last week?  The Mexican President, Enrique Peña Nieto wants to change the Mexican Constitution!   As everyone knows, it’s very difficult to alter any sacred document.  First, you have to sneak into the National Palace at night.  Next, you have to carefully open the plastic case that holds the 1867 document.  Then…ever so carefully…apply White Out Correction Fluid to the proper page.  Finally, you must re-write the Constitution using Benito Juarez’s best handwriting.  Okay..WE ARE JOKING!  (However, if anyone could pull off a Mission Impossible caper, it’s ENRIQUE.  The dashing Mexican President is better looking than TOM CRUISE any day!)

Sorry!  Let’s return to Mexico.  Specifically, Señor Presidente wants Article #27 altered.  This would allow foreign corporations to participate in the finances of state-owned and state-run Petroleum company, PEMEX.   As any student of Mexican History knows, this is THE MOST IMPORTANT PART of the Mexican Constitution.  It was added by President Lazaro Cárdenas in 1938.  At first, this instant dismissal of British and Dutch companies met with swift international condemnation.   Fortunately for Mexico, the sanctions would quickly be lifted a couple years later when World War II broke out.   The massive oil revenues would continue well into the 1950’s and 1960’s.  They funded the ‘Mexican Miracle’ when Mexico City hosted the Olympics, the World Cup and built the best subway on earth!

Oops!  Back to last week’s announcement.  As expected, opposition politicians are clamoring for Presidente Enrique’s head.  Left-wing troublemaker Manuel Lopez Obrador is busy planning street protests again.   “Hands off the 1867 Constitution,” the signs read.  While his rhetoric does sound convincing, closer examination reveals a murky premise.  See, article #27 was placed in the Mexican Constitution by Benito Juarez to protect silver mines from foreign powers.  Then, seventy years later in 1938, it was re-interpreted and altered by President Cárdenas to include oil deposits.   Each time, the government manipulation of the constitution has been for the betterment of the Mexican people.  And this time it will benefit them as well.

See, the truth is PEMEX has already dug up and refined most of the easy-access crude oil in the Gulf of Mexico.  In order for the company to continue to supply gasoline, it will need to discover more reserves.  They seek the deeper shale deposits hidden under the vast body of water.  To do this, PEMEX will need help, as they do not have the advanced equipment needed for such a complicated task.  With foreign assistance, new deposits can be found and processed.  Simply put, ENP wants to keep petroleum production at the levels his nation is accustomed to.  He is not altering the Constitution to make himself Mexico’s Third Emperor like Lopez Obrador wants you to believe.

We here at the DUNER BLOG applaud this initative.  Rather than return to Iron Fist of Aztec Emperors, Spanish Viceroys and 11-term Presidents, Mexican President Peña Nieto has opened up dialogue and furthered Mexican democracy. A solution is possible.  The real problem here is Mexico’s growing thirst for gasoline.  If current trends continue, by 2020, Mexico will be an importer, and not an exporter of oil.  However, thanks to EPN, this will not happen. 

NOTE: Wouldn’t it be great if other North American democracies could work together with big business to solve an energy crisis?  HINT: I’m complaining about the 1% in the USA.

AUG 21 TOP TEN WORST SPORTS TEAM NICKNAMES

AUG 21  TOP TEN STUPIDEST SPORTS TEAM NICKNAMES

There was a most curious announcement in Los Angeles last week.  It involved a strange marriage between glam rock and Arena League Football.  Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley are two of the co-owners of the new LA sports franchise.  They called a press conference to announce they have decided on a nickname for the team.   The football team will be called KISS, named after their Rock Band.  This prompted us here at the DUNER BLOG to post a list of the stupidest Sports Team Nicknames in the USA.  NOTE: This only includes PRO Sports.  If we included College Nicknames, the list would be too long!

#10.  Minnesota Wild.  When most people think of Minnesota, they think of fishing, cold winters and Mary Tyler Moore.  While the state does have lots of acres of wilderness, we’re not sure about the Wild part.

#9.  Miami Heat.  We get it.  South Florida is HOT.  But there are numerous other things in the Sunshine State that are worthy of a team nickname.  How about something fierce from the swamp?  Alligators? Herons? Snakefish?  Or something sexy from the beach, like the Miami Tankinis.  On second thought…maybe they’re correct.  They are two-time defending NBA champs! 

#8.  Miami Dolphins.  Okay…this nickname is fine.  We just want the logo with the Dolphin wearing a football helmet to disappear.

#7.  Oklahoma City Thunder.  This name we can blame solely on the fans themselves.  When the team moved to the Sooner State in 2008, the owners let the fans vote on a new name.  Thunder won handsomely over Energy, Truckers, Express and Wind.

#6.  Indiana Pacers.  Sometimes it’s good to name your team after something special in your city.  The Pittsburgh Steelers name harkens back to the famed Steel Industry.  The San Francisco 49ers are named after the gritty gold miners from 1849.  But to name a basketball team after the Pacer car at the Indianapolis 500 Auto Race is silly.

#5.  Columbus Blue Jackets.  The sentiment behind this nickname is great.  Since it is the Ohio capital’s first pro team, the owners wanted to name the franchise after something unique.  They chose the Blue Jacket Brigade of the Union Army. This famed group included Generals Sherman, Grant and Sheridan.  According to their website this group showed: "patriotism, pride, and the rich Civil War History in the state of Ohio and city of Columbus."  However, it makes for a lousy chant:  “Let’s Go Jackets!”

#4. Washington Redskins.  Every American is familiar with this debate.  Prior to the Civil Rights Movement, many pro franchises named themselves after Native Americans.  The Blackhawks of Chicago and the Seminole of Florida are fierce tribes that sports teams want to emulate.  Other nicknames…like the Cleveland Indians, Kansas City Chiefs and the Atlanta Braves…are less specific, but still somewhat acceptable.  The Washington Redskins...however...have always been wrong. 

#3.  Utah Jazz.  When this basketball franchise originated in New Orleans, the Jazz was the perfect nickname.  However, a number of poor decisions…like trading the rights to Magic Johnson to sign Gail Goodrich…sent the team into bankruptcy.  The move to Salt Lake City proved to be profitable...but highly confusing.  Although a Google search did find a number of music clubs that occasionally feature Jazz, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir is still the #1 music gig in town.

#2. Nashville Predators.  In defense of the new hockey team, it is hard to come up with a tough-sounding name in this millennium.  Lions, Tigers and Bears have all been taken long ago.  Heck, even all the fierce birds are taken: Eagles, Hawks and Pelicans.  So the folks in Nashville thought they’d just take the larger biological name: Predators.  The big problem: In the US today, the word Predator refers to a guy with a felonious sexual past who just moved into your neighborhood.

#1. Toronto Raptors.    Fifteen years ago, there was a huge ‘Dinosaur’ fad.  Fueled by the popular movie Jurassic Park, T-Rex was king.  Back then our kids would only eat Dino-Gummi Bears and Dino-Chicken Nuggets.  Eager to capitalize on this phase, the new NBA franchise in Canada was quickly on the bandwagon.  However, a dinosaur dribbling a basketball is stupid in any year.

AUG 6 FRENCH TOURISM MINISTER SYLVIA PINEL WANTS YOU TO VISIT FRANCE

AUG 6 FRENCH TOURISM MINISTER SYLVIA PINEL WANTS YOU TO VISIT FRANCE

It seems every American tourist has a horror story about visiting France.  Mine goes like this: A crappy bike broke down two kilometers after I rented it.  When I tried explain that the axle was horribly rusty, a heated dispute arose with myself and the shady manager of the rental kiosk.  Finally, a gendarme was called.  A decision was made.  There is now a lifetime ban on DUNER ever returning to the picturesque riverfront city of Blois. 

Well…those days are over!  At least, that’s what new French Tourism Minister Sylvia Pinel says.  Since the socialists took over last year, there is a nouveau attitude in Paris.  This means lots of fresh programs aimed at changing vague things like the ‘national psyche.’  For example, Mamoiselle Pinel is extremely proud of her latest such promotion.  It’s a twenty-page pamphlet titled: “Do You Speak Touristé?” It is designed to help Parisians “break language barriers” and help wealthy tourists around town. It has simple, helpful phrases in six languages.  It also has a section devoted to the subject of traditional French egalité…and how it needs to be toned down a bit.

Sylvie Pinel means business!

Why the big fuss?  Well, around 30 million tourists visit Paris every year…which is more than any other city on earth!  Consider this:  The entire metropolitan area has a mere 7 million people!  It's a fact: No one can deny that there is a worldwide obsession with the beauty and romance that is Paris.  In fact, since such travel statistics were first recorded fifty years ago, France has always been perched as the #1 Destination Nation for tourism.  The USA and Spain are ranked #2 and #3. 

You would think Sylvie would be thrilled with such a statistic! However, there is another stat that is much important regarding international tourism: The total amount tourists spend in a country during their visit.  On this list, the USA doubled the revenue of France last year...a whopping $126  to $56 million.  Sacré Bleu!  The main reason for the disparity is the nation’s sizes.  Most foreign visitors to France leave after seeing Paris and then depart elsewhere…to ski in Switzerland or sun in Spain.  Also, the figure also includes a 50% increase in UK visitors, who zoom into town for the weekend on the Euro-Star train.  In the USA...however...travelers tends to stay longer and spend more.  In short, Sylvie wants people to make France their only European destination.

We here at the DUNER BLOG applaud Sylvie Pinel and her wonderful goal of humanizing the French.  However, we know that there is still a long road ahead.  There are many other cherished national traditions (aside from being rude in the street) that also need to be examined.  For example, it’s hard to shop when the stores are closed during a three-hour lunch break.  On Sundays, the French like to spend the afternoon burning tires and blocking main roads over a labor dispute.  And…of course…The French love to charge way too much to rent an old bike to a college kid on summer vacation in France.  Bon chance, Sylvie!

NOTE: We like Sylvie Pinel’s goal to encourage visitors to see some of France’s wonders outside of the capital.  Here are three amazing places that are a two hour train ride from Paris:

MONT SAINT MICHEL.  At high tide, it's a island.  But at low tide, the road opens up and you can access the castle.  It might look familiar to film buffs as it was the inspiration for Minas Tirith Castle in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  It also appeared in the film The Spy Who Came In From the Cold. 

CHENONCEAUX.  Everyone loves this castle...because it was built across a river!  You walk in the front door, glance out the window at the water, then exit onto the vineyards on the other side.  It also has a topiary garden for the kids.

CHAMBORD.  The inspiration for the famous liquor is perhaps France's most famous chateaux.  Visited by everyone from Leonardo da Vinci to Louis XIV, it claims to have the most chimneys of any building on earth: 282 in total.  During World War II, the Mona Lisa was hidden in one to escape Nazi capture.

JULY 30 AUSTRALIA & PAPUA NEW GUINEA SIGN IMMIGRATION TREATY

JULY 30 AUSTRALIA & PAPUA NEW GUINEA SIGN IMMIGRATION TREATY

Normally, when you think of Boat People, you think of impoverished Cubans in makeshift rafts.  They attempt to cross the treacherous, shark-infested, 90-mile Florida Strait for a better life in the USA.  However, there are actually many different kinds of Boat People around the world.  Chinese Boat People hide in containers and endure two weeks on ocean freighters.  Algerians stowaway on Mediterranean sailboats bound for France.  Today, we here at the DUNER BLOG want to inform you of a new type of Boat People.  Today, we’ll look at the brave souls who attempt to cross the Gulf of Papua to immigrate south into Australia.

As in the US, the political party in power controls Australian policy towards immigration.  During Liberal John Howard’s decade in office, migrants were basically allowed in. But since Labor’s PM Kevin Rudd took over, restrictions have tightened.  Australians…like the rest of the world…are in an economic downturn.  Unemployment is rising, and the average Aussie doesn’t want coveted custodial jobs going to migrants who can’t even speak English.  Kevin Rudd bowed to the power of the opinion poll and gave in.  He agreed to refuse entry to any refugees sailing in from Papua New Guinea.

At a press conference last week in Canberra, Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd and Papua New Guinean leader Peter O’Neill shook hands and ceremoniously signed the over-sized document with over-sized pens.  Let’s look at the terms of the agreement.  AUSTRALIA GETS:  A pledge from P.N.G. to establish a new system for illegal immigrants.  The migrants will now be herded up and placed in detention centers.  PAUPA NEW GUINEA GETS: Australian dollars.  Specifically, they will give nearly a billion dollars to build hospitals and universities.  Yea!  Everyone wins!

Sorry…but there are losers: The migrants themselves.  This last batch of 81 people were all from Iran.  Now they’ll spend their days in a detention facility on Manus Island.  A Human Rights activist described the conditions there as “decrepit…not even fit for a dog kennel.” Clearly, they won’t be allowed to emigrate to Australia.  They also won’t be allowed to live in isolated and hostile Papua New Guinea either.  Socially, it’s the least developed nation on earth…and everyone wants to keep it that way. See, anthropologists love Papua New Guinea.  It’s the last remaining place on the planet with true hunters & gatherers still in existence.  There are 841 different languages spoken on the island, which is more than the rest of the world combined! 

Not surprisingly, the agreement has been condemned by the UNHCR and Human Rights groups worldwide.  Papua New Guinean opposition leader Belden Namah called it "an agreement between two madmen."  He feels making a profit by detaining innocent migrant workers is wrong.  Namah continued: "O"Neill is making decisions like a chicken with no head." Although blunt, we are siding with him.  The DUNER BLOG is worried about people like Fatima Harouq.  She is an Iranian woman headed for the dismal camp on Manus Island.  Once there, she will live in a jail cell and be repeatedly raped by inmates and guards alike.  Meanwhile, two politicians in Canberra and Port Moresbury are currently enjoying a 6% jump in the opinion polls.

 

JULY 23 FAQ's ABOUT BRAZILIAN SOCCER STAR NEYMAR

JULY 23  FAQ's ABOUT BRAZILIAN SOCCER STAR NEYMAR

It’s been a while since we dipped into the DUNER’S BLOG mailbag.  Recently, we’ve been asked lots of questions about Neymar.  Never heard of him?  He’s a ridiculously-talented soccer superstar who was ranked the ‘Most Marketable Athlete on Earth’ by Sports Pro Magazine last month.  Neymar does it all: films, TV, music videos and comic books. We’ll start with the most obvious question:

Why do all Brazilian soccer stars have only one name? Neil, London.  It’s true: 18 of the 28 players on the national team have only one name.  Their strikers are Gilberto and Sandro.  Their forwards are Nilmar and Neymar.  (Our personal favorite is Kaká.)  To explain: Nicknames are extremely popular in Brazil.  Even former President Luiz Inacio da Silva demanded journalists call him 'Lula'.  Some say the nickname tradition is rooted in slavery; others say it’s based on class.  We think it’s just because most Brazilian names are just plain long.  Would you rather say ‘Pele’ or 'Edison Arentes Do Nascimento'?

What brands does Neymar endorse? Victoria, Paris.  An easier question is: What brands doesn’t Neymar endorse?  We counted thirteen major sponsorships, the largest being with Nike. The terms of his 11-year agreement weren’t released but it’s rumored in the $30 million range.  He also gets $2.4 million from Panasonic and $1.2 million from Red Bull.  However, what makes Neymar so special is his global appeal.  In Germany, he sells Volkswagens.  In France, it’s Tenys Pé Baruel.  He hawks phones in Japan and does commercials for Guaraná Beer back home in Brazil.

How many goals has Neymar scored so far? Ahmed, Dubai.  Not counting his goals in youth and junior leagues, Neymar has scored 92 goals in 163 games.  These include 54 for Santos, 38 for the Brazil National team and 4 goals in 4 games for his new squad, FC Barcelona.  This means if you go to see Neymar play in a stadium, you have a 59% chance of seeing him score a goal.  NOTE: Only Lionel Messi has a higher average at 68%.

Neymar's girlfriend is not ugly.

I heard Neymar can sing and dance. Is that true? Missy, Cincinnati.  In the land of Samba, Neymar is no slouch.  Last year, a You-Tube video of him dancing in the Santos locker-room garnered over a million hits.  (The song: Ai se eu te pego! ) Last month, he began starring on the popular Brazilian soap opera Amor á Vida .  (The character: Gusttavo Lima).  He’s also in a music video with the hip-hop duo Lucas & Marcelo.  And don't forget his comic book: The Adventures of Neymarzinho. 

Does he have a hot girlfriend? James, Berkeley.  Of course he does, James!  Her name is Bruna Marquezine.  Surprise!  She is an 18-year-old swimsuit model!  Bruna has made numerous appearances in another Brazilian novella, Mulheres Apaixonadas.  According to the tabloids, during the offseason, they love to go to Santorini, Ibiza and...of course...Rio de Janiero. 

Are the comparisons to Pele exaggerated? Antonella, Buenos Aires. Yes, they are completely inaccurate at this time.  Neymar is only 21 and is just beginning his professional career.  So, it is far too early to draw any comparisions to the King.  In fact, Neymar would have to score 100+ goals in every year until 2025 to eclipse Pele’s ungodly career total of 1,281!  But stay tuned: The World Cup in Brazil is only 12 months away.  We predict some big numbers from Neymar! 

JULY 18 SAUDI PRINCESS ACCUSED OF HUMAN TRAFFICKING

JULY 18 SAUDI PRINCESS ACCUSED OF HUMAN TRAFFICKING

It all began last Wednesday when a Kenyan woman boarded a bus in Irvine, California.  (Yes…they have public buses in Orange County.  And…Yes…they stop to pick up black people.)  Anyhow, when she got on the coach, it became apparent to the other passengers that something was wrong with her.  She seemed frantic, twitchy and scared.  When approached, she told people...with a peculiar African accent...that she had escaped through the window of a nearby condo.  She had been held there, against her will, by her supervisor, a Princess from Saudi Arabia.  The confused and concerned passengers took her to the Irvine Police Station. 

Within hours, cops arrived at the condo. They arrested Princess Meshel Alayban, 42.  She is one of the wives of Prince Abdulrahman bin Nasser bin Abdulaziz al Saud.  They have three children and have been living in a lavish four-condo unit in Irvine since May. In addition to the Kenyan lady, they had four others, all from the Philippines.  Yep...we know what you're thinking: These Saudi Royals are really slumming it.  That's barely one servant per prince! 

Let’s begin by examining the captive's story.  Last year, she went to an employment agency in Nairobi.  For $1,600 a month, she agreed to work a standard, 40 hours per week as a household servant in Saudi Arabia.  She needed extra money to pay her child’s medical bills.  However, when she arrived for her job, the arrangements changed.  Her employers seized her Kenyan passport, ripped up the contract and informed her of the new terms.  She would now work 16 hours, seven days a week and would be paid $220 a month.   Yikes! No wonder she ran away!

Not so fast!  Maybe it's a just a big misunderstanding.  The Saudi Arabian consulate thinks so.  They quickly paid her $5 million dollar (!) bail.  It's also no surprise that our princess also has a top-notch lawyer, Paul Meyer.  He claims the whole thing has been blown out of proportion.  This matter is simply a dispute over wages.  “The truth will resolve this matter quickly,” he told the Orange County Register.  We here at the DUNER BLOG are hesitantly siding with the Princess.  We do have trouble believing any Saudi Royal needs to save cash by skimping on servant’s pay.

Today, Alayban is out of jail and awaiting her July 29^th arraignment.  She has the dubious distinction of being the first person tried under California’s new Human Trafficking Law, which voters passed last November as Proposition #35.  If convicted, she’ll serve up to 12 years in prison.  This is not likely, as none of the five women have any evidence of physical abuse.  Stay Tuned!  NOTE: For our hundred or so readers in the Saudi Kingdom, we have some simple advice.  When you travel, leave your servants at home.  In short, the laws on the Arabian Peninsula are completely different than any other place on earth!       

JULY 9 HANDICAPPING THE ROYAL BABY WAGERS

No...That's not really the Queen!

JULY 9 HANDICAPPING THE ROYAL BABY WAGERS

If you’ve ever been to our SUPER BOWL PARTY, you know that we here at the DUNER BLOG love to wager.  We bet on everything.  We wager on the coin toss, the first TV commercial…heck, we even bet on which songs Beyoncé will sing at halftime.  (Bootylicious paid at 20-1!).  So it comes as no surprise we are all caught up in the frenzy engulfing Britain these days: Bets about the new royal baby have totaled over a million pounds so far.  Although we failed miserably predicting the name of the new Kanye / Kardashian tot, (North West?  Really?!?), here we are...at it again!

GENDER: OUR PREDICTION: GIRL.  Apparently no one knows the gender of the Royal Baby.  However, all of England seems convinced it will be a girl.  Why?  See…at an event in March…a fan in the crowd gave Kate a white teddy bear.  To which she replied: “Thanks, I’ll give it to my daught…” before cutting herself off.  While this may seem like speculative evidence to the rest of the world, to gamblers this is interpreted as fact.  We here at the DUNER BLOG agree: The Royal Baby will be a female.

NAME: OUR PREDICTION: VICTORIA (7-1).  Ladbroke’s fifth favorite name, following Alexandra (3/1), Elizabeth (5/1), Diana  & Charlotte (6/1).  The favored choice is Queen Elizabeth II’s middle name.  Otherwise, only Scottish King Alexanders have graced the throne, so we’ll remove this one.  Next up: Elizabeth & Diana.  We will toss these two out, simply because they are too obvious.  Charlotte is intriguing: It’s Pippa’s middle name and King George III’s wife’s name…but we feel it’s too pompous for today’s monarch.  We like Victoria.  As mentioned in an early blog (JUNE 7. LIST OF LONGEST REIGNING MONARCHS) every continent has something named after Queen Victoria.  Cities, waterfalls, straits, mounts, peaks…everywhere she goes, she’ll see her name.

HAIR COLOR: OUR PREDICTION: BROWN (3-1).  This wager comes down to simple genetics: Both parents have brown hair.  However, if you dream of a blond-haired, blue-eyed prince that will charm the world, the odds are 5-1.

BIRTHDATE: OUR PREDICTION: JULY 17 (9-1).  We recommend avoiding this bet.  The announced due date is Saturday, but for some reason, that date has fallen to 20-1.  Will Kate be late?

SUCKER BETS: The British have a national penchant for gambling, surpassed only by the Chinese.  Hence, there are a plethora of silly, sucker bets that we here at the DUNER BLOG suggest you avoid.  For example, Harry Potter fans who want the baby named Hermione get 100-1 odds. If you want to guess which tabloid will get the rights to the baby’s first photos, take the favorite, OK! Magazine, at 3-1.  It’s 50-1 that the baby will appear on Downton Abbey, and 100-1 it will be on X-Factor with Simon Cowell.



Computer generated Royal babies.

SAFE BET: We can’t wait for a healthy, happy baby!  We love you, Kate!