AUG 29 LANCE ARMSTRONG IS STLL A HERO

AUG 29 LANCE ARMSTRONG IS STILL A HERO

**NOTE!! POSTED: OCT. 20.  WE NO LONGER BELIEVE!**

Not surprisingly, the DUNER BLOG headquarters has been swamped by letters, faxes, tweets and pokes...all asking for more information about LANCE ARMSTRONG.  Let's get started....

How many times did Lance win the Tour de France?  Is this a record?
The American cyclist has won the race seven times!  Yes...this is the record.  Three men have won the Tour five times. The most recent was Spaniard Miguel Indurain in 1995.  In fact, the only cyclist in history who can even come close to Lance is Belgian Eddie Merckx (Not misspelled!).  He was won more Tour de France stages than Armstrong and has won more Grand Tour victories.  NOTE: This includes the other two events, the Giro d'Italia and the Vuelta a España.

Are Lance's Tour de France medals given to second-place finishers?
Indeed they are!  Poor Lance must pack up his seven 1.4 kilogram medals and FedEx them to the cycling headquarters in Switzerland.  They will be sent to the following riders, who are no longer second fiddle but legitimate Tour de France champs:

• 1999: Alex Zülle (Switz.)
• 2000: Jan Ullrich (Ger.)
• 2001: Jan Ullrich (Ger.)
• 2002: Joseba Beloki (Spain)
• 2003: Jan Ullrich (Ger.)
• 2004: Andreas Klöden (Ger.)
• 2005: Ivan Basso (Italy)

Perhaps the happiest people are those who finished in fourth place.  Just like in the Olympics, they now get bronze medals!  NOTE: Jan Ullrich is still under investigation himself, so fifth place finishers might get lucky too!

Who decided to take them away? 
This is the disturbing aspect of the scandal.  Surprise! It's not a bunch of jealous Europeans who dug up seven-year-old test results to tarnish a legend.  The largest cycling organization is the U.C.I. (Union Cycliste Internationale).  Founded in the year 1900, and based in hoity-toity Aigle, Switzerland, they oversee not just the Grand Tour events but other wheeled competitions in Mountain Biking, BMX and Para-biking as well.  They looked at the same tests and dismissed the case.  Believe it or not, it's actually the US Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) who has waged this disgusting "witch hunt" against our hero.  For shame!

Do we have to give back our yellow Lance Armstrong Livestrong bracelets?
What makes Lance Armstrong such an superhero isn't his wins on the track.  Nope, we love Lance for his courage off the track.  See, in 1996 he was diagnosed with stage three testicular cancer.  The cruel disease had spread to his lungs and brain.  Doctors only gave him a 40% chance of surviving.  However, always the competitor, he beat cancer...just like he beat everyone on the Tour.  After retiring, he founded the Lance Armstrong Foundation.  Through the sale of yellow bracelets for $1 each, he raised over $500 million for cancer research.  Wear them with pride today!

Is Lance Armstrong still a hero?
You bet your butt he is!  Monsieur Armstrong has managed to match his amazing accomplishments on the bike in real life as well  We told you that he survived chemotherapy and raised half a billion dollars for cancer research.  But did you know he was engaged to marry pop star Sheryl Crow?  And didja know he has 4,000,000 Tweeter followers?  However, the most important evidence than Lance is still a hero is the simple fact that despite the scandal, not even one advertising agency has dropped him as a endorsement pitchman.  If corporate America still loves you, than you are still THE MAN! NOTE: Duner's blog is on vacation the next two weeks.  ¡Adios! 

AUG 22 THE LONGEST BRIDGES IN THE WORLD

The Old and New Bay Bridges.

AUG 22 THE LONGEST BRIDGES IN THE WORLD

History was made 500 feet above the cold waters of the San Francisco Bay last week.  Workers constructing the new Bay Bridge lifted a whopping 77-million pound block of steel...a new world record.  Speaking of records, when the new span opens on Labor Day next year, it will be the "largest, self-anchored, single-tower suspension bridge" ever!  The new bridge will replace the old one damaged in the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake. (We do things slowly in California).  Anyhow, this bridging accomplishment set off a torrent of debate at the DUNER BLOG headquarters.  We wanted to know: What really is the longest bridge in the world?  Here's our findings...

Longest Bridge (Any type): Danyang-Kunshan Grand Bridge, China.
Unlike the Californians, the Chinese build things quickly.  It took them only three years to build the bullet train from Peking to Shanghai.  The once arduous 800-mile journey can now be done in under four hours.  Along the way, you'll pass over not only the world's longest bridge (164,000 meters) but the second, third and fifth longest bridges in the world as well.

Longest Bridge (Over Water): Pontchartrain Causeway, Louisiana.
Sure...anyone can build a bridge over land.  That's easy!  What takes real American ingenuity is to build a 23-mile bridge over water.  When opened in 1956, it was hailed as engineering marvel.  Exactly 9,500 concrete pilings were submerged in the Mississippi Delta to support the bridge and protect it from gator attacks. 

Longest Bridge (Suspension): Akashi-Kaikyo Bridge, Japan.
The problem with the Danyang Bridge and the Pontchartrain Causeway is that they are horribly boring!  (You'll notice: No photos. Yawn!).  Nope, true bridge enthusiasts need more than a flat line two yards high.  People love suspension bridges, with their powerful towers and the graceful, gentle arching of the cables.  The longest suspension bridge in the world is currently in Japan. NOTE: Past champions: The Golden Gate is #10 and the Brooklyn Bridge has dropped to #79.

Everyone loves the Sydney Harbour Bridge

Longest Bridge (Arch): Chaotianmen Bridge, China.
Once again, a famous landmark has been bested by a random structure in Asia.  This time, it's the Sydney Harbour Bridge's turn to drop in the rankings.  Having held the top spot for four decades, the iconic span is now the fifth longest, but first in terms of awesomeness.  It supports train, vehicular, bicycle and pedestrian traffic.  It has hosted the Olympic Games, the world's first New Year's firework display and even a Formula One race.

Longest Bridge (Cantilever): Pont de Québec, Canada.
While not as loved as suspension bridges, Cantilever bridges are equally impressive engineering feats.  With only one anchorage, they are stronger than standard spans and have proven this durability over time.  Such is the case for the Pont de Québec, which opened to great fanfare in 1917.  It remains the last span over the mighty Saint Lawrence river before it empties into the Atlantic Ocean.   NOTE: Tappan Zee in New York is #10.


Proposed Longest Bridges:
John Lennon was right: Humans are dreamers. Here are four ambitious bridge projects that might someday be built in your lifetime:

Gibraltar Crossing. It's only 24 miles!  We can connect Europe and Africa!  It existed in Arthur C. Clarke science fiction novel...why not in real life?  The most serious proposal came from architect T.Y. Lin which features 3,000 foot towers strong enough to withstand some of the world's swiftest ocean currents.

Bridge of the Horns. A mere 18 miles separates the tip of the Arabian Peninsula to the African mainland.  A proposal headed by Saudi billionaire TAREK BIN LADEN (Osama's half-brother) is raising $20 billion to build it.  It would provide direct access for 300 million African pilgrims to Mecca.

You could DRIVE to Russia, Sarah Palin!

Bering Strait Crossing. Recently, interest in connecting the hemispheres has been waning.  It reached its zenith in 1907 when the Russian Czar began constructing trains to reach Alaska.  The Revolution ended his plan.   The freeway crazy 1950's saw American interest grow, but no serious proposals have been put forward. 

Sunda Strait Bridge. Of all these wacky proposals, the Indonesian one seems the most plausible.  It proposes a series of spans to connect the islands of Sumatra and Java.  Combined with a bridge over the Malacca Strait, this would mean one could drive a car from London to Bali.

AUG 15 PUNK BAND PUSSY RIOT TAKES ON VLADIMIR PUTIN

AUG 15 PUNK BAND PUSSY RIOT TAKES ON VLAD PUTIN

This week's blog reminds us how something really small can morph into something completely global.   It all began on a frozen February night in Moscow.  Suddenly, Nadezhda Tolokonnikova got an idea.  She told her band-mates: "Rather than sit around, swilling vodka, and complaining about how horrible Putin is...we should do something!"  So the gals in the punk rock outfit Pussy Riot decided to stage an impromptu concert at a Moscow church.  The plan was to let the rhythm of a bass guitar solo get their message across.  They screamed lyrics that asked the Virgin Mary to save them from the tyrant leader.

Oh...we left something out.  It wasn't just a church.  Actually, they chose the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour (Храм Христа Спасителя) for their publicity stunt.  You know...that big, colorful, onion-domed building across the street from the Kremlin?  In fact, it's the tallest Orthodox church in the world. The iconic structure was built by Czar Alexander the First to celebrate the Russian victory over Napoleon.   Heck, even Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture was debuted there, led by Peter himself.  Get it?  It's a very important monument, and shouldn't be the site of any political rally...especially one by a crazy, costumed alternative punk band called PuSsy RiOt.  (The girls want us to spell it that way.)

Not surprisingly, the band members were arrested less than a minute into their performance.  (We made the part up about the bass solo!)  Anyhow, here's where the things get dicey.  In most other world cities, the gals would be jailed, charged, fined and released and no one would care that some crazy punks burst into a cathedral for thirty seconds.  Not so in murky Moscow.  Under their "judicial system," the three band members are still in jail today, 175 days later.  A 2,800 page indictment was handed down, charging them with hooliganism and a seven-year sentence. Nyet!

All of which comes at an interesting time for the current czar of Russia, Vladimir Putin.  No friend of human rights, he has never tried show the world that he is a democracy-loving friend of the West.  However, he tries not to provoke.  But placing three silly girls in prison for seven years for a poorly thought-out 45-second protest provides the perfect vehicle for opposition.   It went global last week because Madonna just so happened to be in Moscow for a concert.  She wrote "PuSsY RiOt" on her back.  That must've peeved off Vladimir for sure!

The whole mess all comes to a conclusion this Friday, when the court in Moscow announces the verdict.  From Russia to Rwanda to Reykjavik, there will be "PuSsy RiOt" candlelight vigils.  Be sure to go online and find one in your town.  You might even run into a favorite celeb!  Not only is Madonna involved but also such pop icons as Pete Townsend, Yoko Ono and Lady Gaga.  Stay tuned, readers...the verdict will be read at precisely 2:00 pm Moscow time!  NOTE: They sound about as good as they look.







Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, Maria Alekhina and Yekaterina Samutsevich

AUG. 8 SILLY CELEBRITY PRESIDENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS

AUG. 8 SILLY CELEBRITY PRESIDENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS

The US Presidential Election is just two short months away!  As you might have guessed, the DUNER BLOG has been approached by representatives from both campaigns desperately seeking our endorsement.  Let us make one thing clear: The DUNER BLOG has a policy of not endorsing any candidate in any election.  Let's face it: The only thing more useless than an endorsement from us would be an endorsement from a stupid Hollywood Celebrity...So let's get started!

SILLY CELEBS ENDORSING ROMNEY

Donny & Marie Osmond.  Okay...this one is a no-brainer.  As we all know, the signing, dancing and smiling Osmond Family members were the World's Most Famous Mormons until Mitt came along.  According to Donny, the Romney candidacy has Americans "wanting to know more about our faith." 

Jenna Jameson.  If you're gonna get an endorsement from a Porn Star, it had better be from a hottie...and that's Jenna.  She's enshrined in the Adult Video Hall of Fame for her 161 (!) film appearances.  But don't worry...she's not voting for Mitt for any specific policy.  Vegas-born Jenna reminds us:  “When you’re rich, you want a Republican in office."

Gene Simmons.  The lead singer of the famed glam-rock band KISS endorsed Romney for the top job.  According to Dr. Love: "America is a business and should be run by a businessman."  Don't laugh: Gene's estimated net worth is $300 million...not bad for a guy who released an album titled Love Gun.

Kid Rock.  If you thought KISS was silly, you should listen to some of Kid Rock's music!  Nonetheless, both Kid and Mitt share the shame Michigan roots.  In fact, Romney has chosen the Kid Rock song "Born Free" as his official campaign theme.  (NOTE: This is not the same song from the 1968 movie.)

Jeff Foxworthy.  Although shunned by most pollsters, the Redneck vote is very important and increasing all the time.  Romney knows this and met with the Southern comedian to eat "cheesy grits" and say "y'all."  Jeff wants us to know that a job as important as the Oval Office needs a person with smarts.   Quipped Jeff: "We don't elect presidents on personality. We did that in 2008!"    

SILLY CELEBS ENDORSING OBAMA

Hilary Duff.  While not as politically influential as other teen pop stars like JUSTIN BEIBER or BRITNEY SPEARS, Obama must be particularly fond of Hilary's endorsement.  Why?  Because back in 2004, when Hilary Duff was on top of the pop charts, she sang at President Bush's Inauguration Bash.  Meaning, she...like...totally changed her mind and now supports a Democrat.

Maurice Sendak. Although currently dead, the children's author donated $500 to the Obama campaign just days before his passing.  Where The Wild Things Are is Barack's favorite childhood book, and the author read the book to kids at last year's White House Easter Egg Roll.  

Kal Penn. Believe it or not, but losers who hang out at White Castle Burgers all day can vote too!   Penn...the Indian/America actor who hilariously plays Kumar the Pot-Head on the screen...is actually very active in Obama's re-election campaign.  Kal is an associate director for Public Engagement and has stumped in 26 states so far.

Dana DeArmond.  Just because Mitt nailed Jenna's endorsement doesn't mean the Republicans have the Porn Vote.  Nope, Obama's stance on Same-Sex marriage guaranteed this industry's support.  Whether Barack is ready for actually living an alternative lifestyle was brought up by actress Dana DeArmound. "I have a crush on Barack and on Michelle. I actually think I have romantic feelings for Michelle. I wish they'd take me on a date.”

Eva Longoria.  Did you know that (Desperate) Housewives account for 11% of American voters?   That's why the sexiest TV cast member is out fundraising for the current President.  She's managed to raise $500,000 so far.   Which is about what she makes per episode on the TV show.

AUG 2 WHICH INTERNET COUNTRY CODES ARE BEING SOLD?

AUG 2 WHICH INTERNET COUNTRY CODES ARE BEING SOLD?

Wow!  The DUNER BLOG staff had one helluva good time watching the OPENING CEREMONIES for the OLYMPIC GAMES last Friday night!  What a party!  As expected, thousands of DUNER DOLLARS were wagered during the PARADE OF NATIONS.  We tried to best each other's knowledge of the obscure nations from around the globe.  You know...the tiny, little nations who only get mentioned on American TV every four years.  You know...not just Guinea...but Guinea-Bissau as well!

For those of you who watched the ceremonies outside of the USA...be glad you didn't have to listen to our pompous TV Host, BOB COSTAS.  He loves to talk over every person and babble during every song.  However, Bob did have one item which got the whole crowd into lively debate.  When the sari-clad athletes from TUVALU marched out, Costas mentioned how the tiny Pacific nation had sold its Internet domain code (TV) for $50 million...just because their internet suffix is a common abbreviation for the word television.  Soon, we all started wondering if any other codes had been sold...or coveted...or demanded.

We conducted copies amounts of research and have grouped them into three categories.  First up: Countries who actually sold their Internet domains.

NATIONS WHO SOLD THEIR CODES

Tuvalu.  The first country to cash in on their Internet code netted a cool $50 million for two valuable letters.  While this might not seem like much...Remember: Tuvalu has the third smallest population in the world at 10,500.  This means each citizen has $5,000 in the Tuvalu Trust Fund gaining interest!

All Hail Mighty Montenegro!

Montenegro. When voters in Montenegro officially left Yugoslavia six years ago, they were excited about self rule...a new flag and national anthem.  Most folks had no idea that their new Internet prefix, ME, would be so valuable.  And guess what?  Even you can purchase your own name (e.g. JohnSmith.me) for a price lower than you might expect! 

Colombia.  In 1819, revolutionaries rejected the imperial name New Granada and renamed the northwestern region of South America after Christopher Columbus.  They had no idea what a financial boon this would be two hundred years later, all because the abbreviation would be .CO.  See...there are 90 million 'dot.com' addresses...so 'dot.co' addresses are now needed.  Bogota gets 25% of the revenue generated by .CO Internet, which was $30 million last year!

SOUGHT-AFTER CODES
  
Oman.  A number of companies approached this Middle Eastern nation and inquired about using .OM for spiritual sites.  However, the Sultan isn't exactly strapped for cash, so he has quietly denied use outside the kingdom for his national Internet domain.

Austria.  It is confusing how Austria received .AT.   Larger Australia got .AU...that makes sense.  But why American Samoa got .AS makes no sense.   Fortunately for the Alpine nation, many English words end in -at.  Austria has sold a couple of gems (like KittyC.at and Bor.at.) but has rejected many others.  

France. When Paris heard how the lowly Austrians were pimping out their letters, they began to worry the same thing might happen to them.  Sacre-bleu!  To insure the integrity of the .FR suffix is never compromised, all businesses must prove they are based on French soil before they are issued an .FR Internet address.



TYPO-SQUATTING CODES

Cameroon. The Central African nation was actually named after the abundance of shrimp European explorers found in the Sanaga River.  (The Portuguese word for shrimp is camarão.).  Anyhow, today many Typo-Squatters are purchasing addresses like Amazon.cm or Google.cm...just because clumsy-fingered people omit the 'O' in .com.

South Georgia. An enterprising start-up is attempting to compete against industry-leader BLOGGER.COM (The best such site on the Internet.)  The concept was to have the most simple address possible: BLO.GS.  The site is up and running, but legislation in the South Georgia & Sandwich islands is also up and running!  



    

JULY 25 LONDON: THE ONLY CITY TO HOST THREE OLYMPICS

JULY 25 LONDON IS THE ONLY CITY TO HOST OLYMPICS THREE TIMES

We are sooooo excited here at the DUNER BLOG.  The Olympics start on Friday!  We simply love the OPENING CEREMONIES.  We all gather around the Big Screen TV and watch the "Parade of Nations." It's when the athletes from each country march into the stadium.  The order is very important.  Since the ancient Olympic games started there, Greece always gets to go first.  Then, the other nations proceed in alphabetical order. Finally, tradition states that the host nation...Great Britain, this year...parades last. It's always fun to watch and critique the "national costumes,"  which often include silly things like Bowler hats or pink bandannas.  But most of all, we just love to see the whole world come together as one...just like in a Pepsi commercial.

It's a fact: LONDON is the only city in the world to ever host the Olympics three times.  You might be saying...No fair!  That's British favoritism!  However, once you hear the stories of the first two Olympiads, you might change your mind...

1908 Games.

The fourth Olympiad was supposed to be in Rome, not London.  However, Mount Vesuvius suddenly erupted.  It was hastily decided the games would be moved.  Since London's bid came in second place, they got the nod.  (The move wasn't because of Rome's air quality...the Italian polizia were needed to shovel ash in Naples!).  Anyhow, here are some of the notable events from the 1908 Games:

Women's sporting attire looked different in 1908!

First Parade of Nations.  King Edward thought it would be nice to have all participating nations march around the newly built stadium behind each of their flags.  There were twenty-two nations at the time.  This means it took a lot less time than the five hours it will take the 204 countries scheduled to march on Friday.     

Flag Dipping Controversy.  Even though these games were 104 years ago, one thing remains constant...there will always be misplaced political squabbles in the Olympics.  Back then, it was Finland. Having been recently annexed, the Finns grudgingly marched with the Russian Empire's team.  Likewise for unhappy Arab athletes behind the Turkish flag bearers.  But things got chippy when the US captain refused lower the Stars & Stripes to King Edward.  "This flag dips to no earthly king!" he quipped.

Marathon Distance Changed. The Royal family thought it would be nifty if the marathon began at  Windsor Castle (specifically...below the windows of the Royal Nursery) and ended at the stadium.  The only problem was this distance was twenty-six miles...not the accepted twenty-five.  To accommodate the king,  the number was changed.  The official marathon distance has remained at 26.2 miles ever since. 

1948 Games.

Just like the 1908 Games, London was not the first choice to host the 1948 games.  See, the previous two Olympiad had been cancelled due to World War Two.  Prior to the war, the International Olympic Committee had given the 1944 Games to London...but the city was still in shambles after the German air-raids.  The 1948 Games were all ready to go to BALTIMORE...when King George announced that the games were staying RIGHT HERE!

The Austerity Games.  The London Sun coined this term to describe frugal mood of this Olympiad.  Nothing new was constructed...Wembley Stadium wasn't even given a fresh coat of paint.  Food rationing took place in the dormitories.  Athletes scalped their tickets to make an extra buck! (Wait a second...they still do that today!)  Perhaps the mood of the XIV Olympiad was best summed up by the New York Post: "These games are Spartan as well as Greek!"  

No Germany or Japan. Back in ancient Greece, an Olympic Truce was held throughout the Aegean region so that all could travel safely to Olympia to participate.  During the games, all political differences were temporarily put aside for the sake of the sports.  Unfortunately, modern humans simply cannot do this. We continue to ruin the proud spirit of the Games with other matters.  This was true in 1948.  Germany and Japan's applications were denied due to their "roles as aggressors."   

It's Filmed In Color! Eight years prior, Hollywood had released "The Wizard of Oz" in beautiful Technicolor.  Excited about furthering the use of this wonderful technology, it was announced the London Olympic games would be captured using a new "Bi-pack Technichrome Technique."  Talk about fancy!

2012 Games.

This time around, Londoners won't have to worry about any volcano erupting or any World War still smoldering.  Nope, this time everything has gone just as planned.  All we have to do is sit back and enjoy the satellite feed!  Go USA!

 

JULY 18 WAR ERUPTS BETWEEN FRANCE & CALIFORNIA

JULY 18 WAR ERUPTS BETWEEN FRANCE & CALIFORNIA

It's the boxing match no one expected to see.  Shh...You're just in time for the introductions.  Here's the public address announcer:  Ding! Ding!  "Ladies & Gentlemen.  Welcome to the championship bout to determine the heavyweight snob of the world!  In one corner...the defending champ...weighing in at 65 million people...with his nose high in the air...it's the REPUBLIC OF FRANCE!  The opponent...with a hefty population of 37 million...the challenger and reigning snob of the Western Hemisphere...the STATE OF CALIFORNIA!"

Oops!  Once again...we've gotten ahead of ourselves here at the DUNER BLOG.  How did France and California become enemies?  It all began two weeks ago...on July First to be exact.  On that day, Section #25980 of the State Health Code officially became a law, thus banning the sale of FOIE GRAS in California.  It took years of intense lobbying, but persistent animal rights activists finally achieved their goal.  And they were particularly proud about the wording of the ordinance.  They wanted everyone to realize that the: "force feed[ing of] a goose for the purpose of enlarging the bird's liver beyond normal size" qualifies as animal cruelty.  All violators will be punished with a painful $1,000 fine.

So...why do the French care about Section #25980?  Well it just so happens that France is the world's largest supplier of delicious Foie Gras.  And it just so happens the California is the world's largest importer of Foie Gras.  It's no secret: The Golden State loves to be decadent.  Believe it or not, but those chardonnay swilling and brie munching Californians account for one quarter of the world's total goose liver consumption.  And in our wacky global economy, this means a lot of people in France are going to lose their jobs because activists half a world away managed to get the state assembly to ban a delicacy item.

But guess what?  Nobody pushes France around!  Or so says PHILLIPE MARTIN, a member of the French National Assembly.  The politician from the Pyrenees is pursuing legislation that would ban all California wines imported into France.  Martin feels singling out one luxury item is unfair and wants to show solidarity "for our foie gras makers and for all food makers."  Now that will show 'em!  Or maybe it won't.  California Wine Institute spokesperson LAUREL PINE points out that very little Californian wine is consumed in France. "It feels like a little bit of a slap in the face of a product that France is proud of."  Pine also pointed out Americans buy one trillion dollars worth of French wine annually.

Enough!  The truth is...We here at the DUNER BLOG are hesitant to support either side.  We admit to enjoying haûte cuisine.  For example, we simply adore Swiss chocolates.  However, we also understand that no living creature should ever have to be force fed.  The problem is that we feel issues involving ethics and appetites are best solved in arenas other than the French National Assembly and the California State Legislature.  We'd like to see the Assemblée Nationale in Paris concentrate on getting marginalized Algerian immigrants some overdue civil rights.  And we'd love it if the fools in Sacramento stop slashing our Education budget.  Let's leave the foie gras issue for the talk shows, PETA protesters and social media outlets to work out.