FEB 24 LADY GAGA MAKES MUSIC HISTORY

FEB 24 LADY GAGA MAKES MUSIC HISTORY

Last week, every one's favorite Pop Star, LADY GAGA, made pop music history. Her most recent single, 'BORN THIS WAY,' hit #1 on the BILLBOARD HOT 100 CHART. While this is the third time she has accomplished this feat, (Just Dance and Poker Face also went to #1) this time it was extra special. 'BORN THIS WAY' just so happens to be the ONE THOUSANDTH song to top the Billboard Charts, thus enshrining LADY GAGA in the sacred halls in the Pop Music Hall of Fame for all eternity! All Hail Lady Gaga!

Confused as to how someone as insignificant as LADY GAGA is now a music legend? Perhaps a little background on the Billboard Charts is needed. (You knew this was coming!) It all started way back in 1894 when some innovative Cincinnati businessmen had an idea. They collected information posted on walls around town for upcoming events. Then they consolidated it and published it an over-sized magazine. It was aptly named BILLBOARD. In the 1890's entertainment listings included circus venues, county fair dates and the most popular events of the time: Vaudeville Shows! The magazine proved popular with the entertainment-starved public as well as the promoters themselves. It soon expanded beyond Ohio to its location for the last century: Manhattan!

As the entertainment industry changed, so did the magazine. In 1909, BILLBOARD debuted its MOTION PICTURE section. In 1920, it devoted a section to RADIO. But the most important addition to the magazine came in 1931 with the Almighty JUKEBOX. It's hard for people living in 2011 to understand just how revolutionary the jukebox was to people in the 1930's. Prior to its arrival, one had to attend a concert to hear music, and no one in the depression had money for that. But...with a jukebox...an entire orchestra, jazz band or country singer could instantly appear at your local establishment. People went crazy and demand for jukeboxes skyrocketed. BILLBOARD magazine followed suit and on January 4, 1936, it debuted the MUSIC HIT PARADE which listed the most popular records being purchased around the country. Now everyone could find out what everyone else was listening to. (In a way, BILLBOARD magazine was a lot like an early version of the Internet!)

Over time, sales of jukebox singles began to decline. Recent advancements in technology meant that both radios and phonographs were now available to the general public. Recent advancements in people's salaries meant they had money for these new luxuries. BILLBOARD responded to these changes and by 1950, it had three separate charts: One chronicled jukebox sales, another charted what tunes radio DJs were actually playing on air and the last listed what records people were buying in stores. But it wasn't until 1958 that BILLBOARD came up with the idea to combine the three charts into one. The magazine debuted the HOT 100 on August 4th. Dominating jukeboxes, shredding the airwaves and conquering music stores on this precise date was none other than the legendary RICKY NELSON. And the song everyone loved? POOR LITTLE FOOL!

No one remembers 'POOR LITTLE FOOL,' just like no one sixty years from now will remember 'BORN THIS WAY.' But the two songs will be forever linked as pop music milestones. And while this weekend's Academy Awards are important, I still believe the most notable achievement in the entertainment world is to hit #1 on the BILLBOARD HOT 100 CHART. Don't believe me? Well, let's ask her royal highness herself, LADY GAGA on what she thinks of this event. A statistical anomaly? Hardly! Quoth the Lady: "It's a tremendous honor. To be the the 1,000th #1 on Billboard...It would be silly not to say this is the greatest honor of my career." You Go, Gaga!

FEB 16 THE RACE TO MARS IS ON -- AND WE ARE LOSING!

FEB 16 THE RACE TO MARS IS ON -- AND WE ARE LOSING!

It was only last month when President Obama warned in THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS that the USA was having a "Sputnik Moment." This confused many Americans who have no idea what a Sputnik is. This precise minute Barack is referencing happened on October 4, 1957. This is the date when the USSR shocked the world by being the first nation to launch a satellite into orbit, thus creating a major Cold-War-chill in American pride. Americans were disgusted. "How could we let those stupid commies beat us into space?" they clamored. You know the rest of the story: The US made damn sure the Reds weren't gonna beat us the moon. And boy did we show them! All the dumb Soviets could put in space was a tin can and a dog. We put a man on the moon, YOU LENIN LOVING LOSERS! Since then, NASA has kicked cosmic ass over the whole known universe. (Or at least our solar system) GO USA!!

Well...I hate to break it to all y'all but the USA's status as 'lords of local space' is about to expire! The Russians have played second fiddle long enough! To help knock the Americans off the top, those crazy cosmonauts did something Americans hate: they collaborated with other countries. There are some new players in the space-race these days and they are well funded. The European Space Agency (ESA) boasts 18 member states has an annual budget of nearly $6 billion dollars. The Chinese Space Program is also huge and receives a large military stipend. Anyhow, these three lesser programs have combined forces to create a new, mega-agency on a mission to topple the USA. This week, they issued a challenge: Who wants to be the first to put a MAN ON MARS?

Prior to Monday, NASA owned 'bragging rights' over all other space programs when it came to Mars. In 1976, the US became the first nation to land a spacecraft on the planet. VIKING 1 and VIKING 2 first accomplished this feat when they orbited and then landed on the red planet a good two years before the Russians. Next, in 1997, the Americans landed the MARS PATHFINDER on the surface. With six really cool wheels, it was able to move about to study the odd rocks and gravel. (Previous Russian models had failed to accomplish this feat.) And in 2003, NASA landed an even better probe. With solar powered panels on top, it's been driving all over Mars, sending back high-tech Martian images for seven years straight.

Yet all these high tech gadgets would be no match for having a human walk on the surface of Mars and planting a flag, a la Neil Armstrong. And that's just what this new organization is set to do. On Monday, the doors of the Mission Control Moscow were thrown up to international journalists to show off their latest success: A large wing of the institute has been converted into the simulated surface of Mars. The conditions are just like the surface of Mars: frigid and frightening. Two cosmonauts, a Russian and an Italian, walked across the forbidden land and planted three flags (Russian, Chinese and the EU) to symbolize their future plans.

While officials at NASA and the British space agency no doubt laughed at some goofy scientists jumping up and down in a red-colored sandpit in a Moscow suburb, other aspects of the operation are impressive. It's named MARS500, after the five-hundred day mission it hopes to accomplish: 220 days to fly to Mars, 30 days on the surface, and 250 days to go back. Right now, the focus is on how humans could remain cooped up in a capsule for so long. To see if people would really go crazy, they locked eight astronauts in a tiny metal room for the last nine months. To the relief of all, they did not kill each other!

It's hard to say when, if ever, a person will walk on Mars. NASA predicts it will occur in 2037, the MARS500 project is shooting for 2040. But one thing is perfectly clear: The World needs to combine forces to reach the goal. This means all national space agencies (even the dreaded Iranian Space Agency) need to work together to accomplish anything. Think of all the research that is being needlessly duplicated. Think of all the multiple space crafts being built around the globe. But most of all, think of what we would have to tell the Man From Mars when we finally meet him: "I'm from the joint-Euro-Sino-Russian federation." Or simply: "I'm from there!" (Point to earth.)

FEB 10 FIRE DESTROYS RIO'S CARNAVAL FLOATS

FEB 10 FIRE DESTROYES RIO'S CARNAVAL FLOATS

FAT TUESDAY is a less than month away! It's March 8th this year and people around the world are busy making preparations. In New Orleans, they're polishing up their plastic beads to toss on hotties on Bourbon Street. In Venice, they're auditioning actresses for the costume ball at St. Mark's Square. In Trinidad, the bands are busily rehearsing for the annual Rara Festival. In Dusseldorf, the streets are cleared for Fasching when half a million people march in Europe's largest parade. But no where on earth are the celebrtations any bigger than in RIO DE JANIERO. Here, Carnaval is more than just another holy day. It is a national holiday when Brazilians celebrate like only they can! (See above photo!)

It's often said that the only thing that Brazilans love more than soccer is Carnaval. The entire nation shuts down for a crazy week with insane celebrations all across the vast nation. At the heart of Carnaval is Rio's Samba Competition. It's kinda like Dancing With the Stars in the USA: Professional dancers perform before judges with a complicated scoring system surrounded by lots of gossip. Like their beloved soccer, Brazilians take their Samba competitions very seriously. There are twelve schools where the dancers train year-round. Records of winners date back to 1920. The winning-ist school of all-time is Mangueria. But, with titles in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2007 and 2008 Beija-Flor is now a force to be reckoned with! Also, just like in soccer, the venues hosting such competitions became too small. Welcome to the SAMBADROME seating over 90,000 people. The parade route leading up to the entrance of the arena is lined with half-a-million more folks. Anyhow...you get the picture...in Brazil, the Mardi Gras Samba competition is like the SUPER BOWL, the ROSE PARADE and a TYLER PERRY MOVIE all rolled into one!

But at 5am on Monday, everyone in Brazil awoke to the most horrible news any Saba-loving-Carioca could possibly imagine: A massive fire had erupted at warehouse in Rio's SambaCity. By the time it was contained, it had destroyed 8,400 costumes and damaged the elaborate stages used by the performers. Also up in flames were the hopes and dreams of hundreds of workers who work year-round to prepare for the Mardi Gras celebrations. Worst hit was Portela, one of Rio's oldest schools. Since its founding in 1923, it boasts 21 titles. "We'd been here 24 hours a day. We were in it to win this year," said Moacir da Silva Pinto, one of the school's managers. Also badly hit was Academicos do Grande Rio, an up-and-coming newer school. Local bookies were considering it a 'sleeper-pick' for the 2011 title.

While this may seem a bit over-stated and dramatized (it is a dance competition, after all) we should take a look at the figures. Samba is Brazil is big business. The loss of costumes alone is in the $25 million range. Carnaval is Brazil's biggest tourist draw, with 70% of all revenue coming from this one FANTASTIC week. But the saddest part is that the schools have only spotty insurance, no workers compensation or sick leave. People are out of jobs as well as hope. But Brazil is a nation united in cause and the other Samba schools have pledged to help out and everyone is now working together to save Mardi Gras.

The Mayor of Rio, EDUARDO PAES, was one of the first people on the scene. The fire, which was ruled an accident, and NOT arson, took hours to extinguish. He too, believes the spirit of Cariocas (residents of Rio) will overcome any tragedy. "There are a lot of people who spend the year dreaming and working for this, for their moment to go out there and shine," he said. "You can't take that away from them. The material things are gone, but we still have a samba to sing."

FEB 1 WHY EVERYONE HATES HOSNI MUBARAK

FEB 1 WHY EVERYONE HATES HOSNI MUBARAK

It really sucks to be Hosni Mubarak these days. The head-spinning pace of recent events in Egypt has stunned the world. The once tranquil 'Jewel of the Nile' has been turned upside-down. We've witnessed a sudden eruption of horrific battles between riot police and angry protesters with no end in sight. Normally when a nation undergoes regime change it takes a little longer. In Thailand, it took years to oust President Thaksin. First the Yellow T-shirts took over the Royal Plaza. Months later, they occupied the international airport. Finally, after a boycotted election, the army stepped in, and Thaksin fled into exile. My point is: While no one is surprised that a tyrannical dictator like Mubarak is being overthrown, everyone is amazed how quickly he's being run out.

It's not just the columnists, writers and bloggers that were caught off-guard. In the last ten days, presidents, prime ministers and fellow dictators from around the globe are also struggling to make sense of the fast-paced events in Egypt. World leaders like Obama, Putin and Hu Jintao have suddenly found themselves scrambling to distance their nations from the current Egyptian regime. It's not easy to do. Within the last three years, President Mubarak has received lavish state receptions at the the White House, the Kremlin and Peking's Great Hall of the People. He was photographed hugging Barack, shaking hands with Putin and kissing Hu Jintao. (Okay, I made that last one up!) So the question is: If he is loved around the world why do the people in Egypt hate him so much?

Let's review how he came to power. The 1981 assassination of Anwar el-Sadat was a sudden, savage event that sent shock waves throughout the Middle East. Mr. Mubarak was the vice president at the time. Still recovering from a bullet wound on his hand, he was hastily inaugurated as the new president. He inherited sole leadership of a nation on the brink of Civil War. Confusion reigned as dozens of armed Islamic splinter groups roamed the streets. One city, Asyut, actually seceded. But Hosni was a smart leader and turned to his two best friends: The army and the media. Looking handsome, stately and definitely in charge, Mubarak was broadcast nationally on every TV channel and radio station in Egypt. He declared a state of emergency and told all Egyptians to remain calm and to stay indoors. Then, he had the world's tenth largest army patrol the streets of Cairo and Alexandria with tanks and heavily armed soldiers. Problem solved!

While the events of 1981 in Egypt are by no means rare in World Politics, what happened in the thirty years following certainly is: Hosni Mubarak never lifted the State of Emergency. It's been THIRTY YEARS! Imagine how stressful it must be to live in a continual state of panic for three decades! Well, that's what life is like for the 50 million people who have been born in Egypt under Mubarak's reign. The streets have always been controlled by armed tanks and garrisons of Uzi-totting soldiers. Citing Federal Law #162, Egyptian police can imprison any one for any reason and then jail them for any amount of time. Also legal under this law, the government can censor and control all press, radio, TV and films. For three decades, this classic system of lies and oppression has been in effect. It worked as long as the government was able to monitor what folks saw, read and heard. The constant army presence reminded people to stay in line.

And, everything would have gone fine for Mr. Mubarak and his fiendish plans if it weren't for those darn, meddling technological advances. Recently, the all mighty INTERNET, stealthy CELL PHONES and sneaky SATELLITE TV have been slowly appearing on Saharan sands, to the disdain of many an Arab dictator. Just like in Tunisia, people are now able to talk with each other, learn about the rest of the world, and begin to demand better lives. The only problem with FREEDOM OF SPEECH (as former president George W. Bush knew) is that many in the Arab World loathe the US and the West. If we actually give them the power to vote, we're likely to have new leaders from parties like the Muslim Brotherhood, Hamas, Fatah...and worse of all...Al-Qaida. It looks like the $2 billion dollars we gave to Egypt every year to behave like a good nation wasn't money well spent.

JAN 27 THE ROYAL WEDDING (PART ONE)

JAN 27 THE ROYAL WEDDING (PART ONE)

OH MY GOD!! All of us here at the DUNER BLOG are all a-flutter about 2011's most exciting event: THE ROYAL WEDDING!! The 29th of April 29th is circled on our calendar with big stars and large red arrows!! C'mon, now: Fans of royal weddings (like me!) haven't had much to celebrate in the last couple decades. Since the LADY DI & PRINCE CHARLES wedding back in 1981, and ANDREW & FERGIE in 1992, it's been rough. We've been forced to endure wedding s with lesser nobles tying the knot in simple ceremonies (stupid bad economy). And things haven't been that great outside of the House of Windsor either! In Monaco, all three of Princess Grace Kelly's kids continue to annoy. The Dutch, Norwegian, Swedish and Danish royals are all boring. And don't get me started with that dull Emperor Akihito in Japan! So...I guess what I'm trying to say is...In the next NINETY TWO DAYS, be prepared for a "Wills-Loves-Kate-Blog-Fest." Whoo-hoo!

Part One stats today. Our topic: Wedding Souvenirs. Now, if you were to walk down a major boulevard in London or Glasgow today, you would be astounded by some of the great items available for purchase to commemorate this most glorious occasion. The most popular item is, naturally, china. The windows of Old Durham Road are showcasing a dozen different plates, serving trays, teapots, tea cups with matching saucers...all adorned with adorable pictures of Wills and Kate. Meanwhile, the Crest of London has all of these, plus limited-edition pill-boxes, wedding tankards, champagne flutes, commemorative magnets and a "Teabag Tidy" (whatever the hell that is, I don't know!) Of course you can also buy posters, bumper stickers, flags and buntings...even life-size-wax-replicas of the royal couple.

However, not all folks are happy about the avalanche of kitch surrounding late April's festivities. The BBC, Sky-News and the Daily Mail have all recently published articles decrying the (obvious) source of the souvies. You guessed it: Almost all the china is made in China. Let's go some eight thousand miles east of Buckingham Palace to Yiwu, a suburb of the industrial megalopolis Shenzen. Located there is a factory that is completely dedicated to manufacturing many of these treasures. It is operated by FU XUXIAN, an incredibly successful entrepreneur. These days, he is particularly proud of one item: A stunning replica of the famous wedding ring. With a minor in geo-science, FU studied photos of the original 18-carat Ceylon sapphire surrounded by South African diamonds. He worked around the clock to produce a plastic substitute for the stones and then casted them in a bronze-based setting. They will retail for about $2.99...a price no one in Europe can beat!

Which is precisely what the British Media is fuming about. Why is it that China always rakes it in when someone else has a major event? The Daily Mail bemoans the fact that these same factories will soon be producing the same items for the LONDON 2012 OLYMPIC games next year. Last year, it was savvy Chinese businessmen who scored big by investing in VUVUZELAS (see earlier blog) for the South African World Cup. Even Queen Elizabeth II is getting angry. The palace is considering a lawsuit against a Chinese manufacturer who claims to have "special royal permission" to mass produce commemorative Royal Wedding coffee mugs. When will the madness end?

While Duner will undoubtedly purchase several of the before-mentioned items, he is concerned about the financial message we repeatedly send when we send our hard-earned dollars to Shenzen for mass-produced, tacky items like commemorative Royal Wedding coasters. Even PRESIDENT OBAMA noted this trend during his STATE OF THE UNION address on Tuesday. He warned we were experiencing another "Sputnik Moment," when another nation races past the USA on a technological or financial field. But...if you don't believe me or the president...just ask FU XUXIAN, who is making crazy money right now, unable to keep up with the high demand for Royal Wedding commeratives. Fu says: "As a businessperson, you have to look for opportunities. Then you have to run faster than the competition." Run, Fu, Run.

JAN 21 HOW FACEBOOK OVERTHREW A DICTATOR

JAN 21 HOW FACEBOOK OVERTHREW A DICTATOR

Having recently seen critically acclaimed movie THE SOCIAL NETWORK, I began to wonder: Just how powerful has FACEBOOK become? We all know FACEBOOK can do wonderful things for our lives. It has reconnected me with old high school friends and past roommates from around the world. People I like...but had understandably lost touch with...are now instantly available. But what about FACEBOOK's powerful Dark Side? It starts meaningless affairs, gets good workers fired, expels hardworking students, denies good university applications and...and...well...you get the picture. But in the recent weeks, the all mighty social networking site has achieved the ultimate power: FACEBOOK now has the power to overthrow the government of an ENTIRE NATION! (Wow! Even OPRAH doesn't have that much power!)

Sorry...as usual...I got ahead of myself! Let's start over, shall we? Our story begins in the small Arab nation of Tunisia. Wedged into a corner of northern Africa, poor Tunisia isn't blessed with massive oil reserves like her fortunate neighbor, Libya. So the ten million Tunisians must find other ways to make a living. Mostly, they produce things that nearby Europe can't and ship them a short distance across the Mediterranean. Hence, Tunisia has lots of orange groves (can't grow them in Berlin), small factories (cheaper labor) and, recently, tourism (great coastline!). However, with the economic downturn hitting Europe's Mediterranean nations particularly bad (See PIGS blog), frustrated little Tunisia's once lucrative industries are vanishing. Europeans simply aren't eating as many oranges, buying any flip-flop sandals and certainly not taking expensive beach vacations.

These tough times have hit the Tunisian middle class especially hard. Many educated people have been laid off and forced to take more menial jobs. MOHAMED BOUAZIZI (nickname: Bashoosa) is a great example. Forced to deal with 30% unemployment, the resident of the town of Sidi Bouzid has sold produce since age 10 to help feed the family. Yet he always aspired for more. He applied to the Tunisian army, but was turned down. He got accepted to university, but couldn't afford tuition. He couldn't even land a custodial job. Frustrated, but not deterred, Mohamed pragmatically decided to expand his produce stand. He bought a bigger cart and saved his dinars in hopes of someday purchasing a van.

However, according to local officials, Mohamed did not have the proper permits for a larger stand. (Read: Mohamed had not recently paid off any local officials.) On December 17, officer FEYDA HAMDI approached the Bouazizi produce cart and: "slapped him in the face, spat on him, confiscated his electronic weighing scales, destroyed his fruit and vegetable stands, all while her two colleagues assisted her in beating him." Oh yeah, Hamdi also hurled repeated insults about Bouazizi's deceased father during the assault. Injured, broke, crushed in spirit and humiliated in front of his entire village by a female cop, the man whose spirit couldn't be broken, gave up. A mere hour after the incident, Bouazizi doused himself in gasoline and lit a match.

Before the invention of FACEBOOK, we never would have heard about Bouazizi's sad, sad tale. But, since the Tunisian dictator ZINE EL ABIDINE BEN ALI didn't ban the powerful site, it was only a matter of days before the entire nation was informed and obsessed with the tragic life of Bouazizi. Bloggers hastily arranged marches which soon erupted into massive protests and strikes. Blindsided by the sudden wave of dissent, President Ben Ali rushed to the hospital. The state-controlled media flooded TV broadcasts and newspapers with images of the president at the bedside of the fruit vendor. But, alas, it was too little too late...and no match for mighty FACEBOOK. Within a month, the entire nation was bitterly against him. After more than thirty (mostly successful) years in power, Ben Ali boarded a private jet and fled in exile to Malta...not really knowing what had happened.

So...the next time you decide to do a little "harmless lurking" on the infamous social network site...remember: FACEBOOK has more power than you know! Just ask the FORMER president of Tunisia!

JAN 14 HERO WINS COVETED MEDAL OF HONOR

JAN 14 HERO WINS MEDAL OF HONOR

It's a NEW YEAR and that can only mean one thing: It's AWARDS SEASON! And no one gives out more meaningless awards than the Americans. Make no mistake: It's good to be a current American movie star/pro athlete/reality TV celebrity. Not ONLY are you an instant multi-millionaire, BUT you also spend the next ten weekends getting worshipped at galas and banquets across the country. For example, if you're JULIA ROBERTS you'll be at the SAG (Screen Actors Guild) Awards and People's Choice this month. February is the Golden Globes, MTV Movie and BRIT awards. March brings the only legitimate one, The Oscars. If you're a talented musician like LADY GAGA, you'll soon be scooping up Grammys, Billboard's annual achievement awards, Nickolodeon Teen Choice statues and being photographed next to huge, gaudily framed gold records. Heck, even though PEYTON MANNING got knocked out of the NFL Playoffs, he'll still dominate the ESPYS next month!

Which thankfully brings me to my point. With so many awards out there, their individual magnitude is being diluted. Do you really think SANDRA BULLOCK keeps her Best Actress Oscar statue for The Blind Side on the same shelf as her MTV popcorn trophy for 'Best Kiss' in While You Were Sleeping? No way! BUT...there is still one award out there that will never be tarnished: THE MEDAL OF HONOR! Don't be fooled by the simple name...this is one special award. It's the USA's highest military honor. It's only given to one who "conspicuously by gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his or her life above and beyond the call of duty while engaged in an action against an enemy of the United States." In other words, you can't get this medal by performing a particularly passionate on-screen smooch with Matthew McConnahay!

But the MEDAL OF HONOR never gets the same treatment in the media. It's easier to find the Pepsi Spirit Awards on TV than any official military ceremony. Too bad, because this is one amazing award. First of all, recipients can only be nominated by a commanding officer or by a Congressional motion. Only the serving President can bestow the order in a ceremony regulated by tight protocol which dates back to the first MEDAL OF HONOR, which was issued by ABRAHAM LINCOLN. Abe wanted something more important to truly honor brave Union soldiers who had served heroically to save our great nation. Since then, it is only been given to a select few at any random time. How select? We've sent over 100,000 soldiers to Afghanistan over the last eight years, but only four have received the medal.

Which thankfully brings me to the most recent (and the only living Afghan war vet) to recieve the medal: SALAVADORE GUINTA. He hails from Hiawatha, Iowa and here is his fantastic story: There was a full moon on Oct. 25th, 2007 that shined down in the barren Korengal Valley in Central Afghanistan. Salvadore and his crew quietly patrolled the small villages. Suddenly, from the darkness came a thud. Al-Qaida troops had ambushed Guinta's platoon! Heavy gunfire rained down from all directions on the unsuspecting soldiers, riddling the legs of Sgt. Erick Gallardo. Guinta, the team leader, flew into action. In the distance, he saw two insurgents hurriedly dragging the sergeant's body away. Gallantly, he raced after his friend and into the barrage of enemy fire. Bullets from an AK-47 richoceted off his helmet, others would be embedded onto the rifle on his back. Determined, he finally reached his friend. Guinta drew his weapon and opened fire on the stunned al-Qaida soldiers, killing one instantly. The other fled in panic. Guinta grabbed Gallardo by the vest and dragged him to safety. (See? This guy is a real-life Rambo!)

So as you sit down this month to watch WILL SMITH get slimed with green goo on the Nickeleon Teen Choice Award show, take a minute to think about Salvatore and what America really stands for. Oh yeah...and also think about how awesome it would be to get the coveted MEDAL OF HONOR: You get a large financial stipend for the rest of your life, with cost of living adjustments. You get an automatic invitation to all future Presidential Inaugurations. You get to be buried at Arlington National Cemetery with a ten-gun salute. And here's my personal favorite: All your children get to attend US Military Academies "without regard to the nomination and quota requirements." WOW!

Wait...on second thought...I don't think I'd want to face armed, angry Taliban soldiers at night in the desert. You go, Salvatore!!